October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Annoyingly Consistent

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Money

(I am sitting on the registers as the main cashier for the day when an older woman marches up to my counter.)

Me: “Good morning. How are you today?”

Customer #1: “I don’t have time for this chit chat. I just want to pay for this jar of coffee and go as I am in a hurry.”

(I scan the item and tell the customer the price of the item.)

Me: “That’ll be [total price].”

Customer #1: “Excuse me? How much?”

Me: “Um, the total for the jar of coffee is [total price].”

Customer #1: “That is far too much money; I’ll go choose another one.”

(The customer storms off leaving the original jar of coffee with me. I put it to the side of my register and serve several other customers during the customer’s absence. Another customer unpacks her groceries onto my till and I greet her.)

Me: “Hello. How are you?”

Customer #2: “I am good, thank you. How are you?”

Me: “I am very good, thanks.”

(Before I could start to scan Customer #2’s items, Customer #1 returns and slams a jar of coffee onto my register completely cutting in front of Customer #2. I notice the jar of coffee she has now selected is identical to her previous one.)

Customer #1: “I am next! Not this lady! Now, I want this coffee.”

Customer #2: “I don’t mind. Let her go first.”

(Customer #1 looks at Customer #2. Her eyes go wide for a moment. I interject.)

Me: “This is the same brand and size as the coffee you wanted before.”

Customer #1: “No, it is not. This one is cheaper than the previous one.”

(I scan the coffee and sure enough it is the same price as the one earlier.)

Me: “That’ll be [total price].”

Customer #1: “See? Much better.”

(After Customer #1 walks out of the shop Customer #2 begins laughing hysterically.)

Customer #2: “Sorry. I shouldn’t laugh, but she used to be my mother-in-law before my divorce and I am so glad she is annoying to everyone!”

Happy Hypocritical Holidays!

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Crazy Requests, Holidays

(I’m waiting for a supermarket to open. It’s a public holiday and so the opening hours are a bit different to normal.)

Lady: “Why is it taking so long to open?”

Me: “It’s a public holiday. They open later than normal.”

Lady: “But it’s a Monday! They should be opening at regular time. I’ve been here almost an hour!”

Me: “So you’re going to work today?”

Lady: “Pfft, no, it’s a holiday. No one works on holidays.”

Grand Theft Innocence, Part 12

| Kolding, Denmark | Bizarre, Spouses & Partners

(It is shortly after the EU release of the popular video game ‘Grand Theft Auto V.’ I have just gotten off from work, and am walking through the supermarket I work at to get to the employee exit. I have just entered the beverage section of the supermarket, when suddenly a guy around the age of 18 comes crashing into one of the beverages coolers on a three-wheel kids bike.)

Me: “Whaa-”

(Before i get to react, he turns his head to me, still sitting on the bike, and looks at me.)

Customer: “Yo, give me all your money, b****!”

(I just stand completely confused, when suddenly he turns his head back down the aisle he came from.)

Customer: “Aww, f***, they are on to me!”

(He quickly pedals away from me on the little bike, followed by a girl I presumed to be his girlfriend running after him. She faces me shortly before running after him.)

Customer’s Girlfriend: “I’m so sorry. He has been playing that new Grand Theft Auto game all week.”

Customer: *a couple of aisles away* “You ain’t getting me punk!”

Grand Theft Innocence, Part 11
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 10
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 9

Date Updated

| Reading, England, UK | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I get home from work to find my wife (who gets home before me) has unpacked the shopping which has been delivered.)

Me: “What do you want for tea?”

Wife: “We were going to have macaroni but we’ll have to have the chicken biryani instead because it goes out of date today. There were six things which go out today, which is outrageous.”

Me: “I thought they were supposed to inform you when they gave you things with today’s use-by date?”

Wife: “So did I. So I rang them up to complain. Such a nice lady, she apologised and gave us a refund on each of these articles.”

Me: “Nice of her.” *goes to fridge* “What, this chicken Biryani? Doesn’t go out of date until Saturday.”

(Today is Thursday.)

Wife: “What! But it distinctly says: use by the 12th.”

Me: “Yes, and today’s the 10th.”

Wife: “Oops.”

(She rang the supermarket back and was really apologetic about it. The woman at the other end was so happy to receive an apologetic phone call she let us keep the refund.)

Way Past Time Magazine

| Monroe, CT, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(It’s 11:20 pm and we close at 11 pm. Cashiers are counting out their tills, stockers are unloading boxes in the aisles, and the cleaning crew is scrubbing the place down. I’m counting lotto tickets behind the customer service desk when one of the cleaning crew comes over.)

Janitor: “Hey, is [Manager] around?”

Me: “No, he’s on the phone with corporate for a while. What’s up?”

Janitor: “You’d better come with me, then.”

(I follow him to the back of the store where the water fountains and bathrooms are, and I hear someone hollering from the men’s room.)

Me: *knocking on the door* “Um, hello, is there someone in there?”

Customer: “Yes! I’ve been sitting here calling for help for almost a half hour!”

Me: “Oh, my god, sir. I’m so sorry. The store closed and no one was around this area. Do you need medical attention?”

Customer: “No, of course not.”

Me: “Oh, uh, did you run out of toilet paper?”

Customer: “No, there’s plenty here.”

Me: “Okay… Then, what did you need help with?”

Customer: “I finished reading this Time magazine I picked up from the book section. Can you bring me the latest issue of Car & Driver?”

(We had to go get the manager, who threatened to charge him with trespassing if he didn’t finish his “business” and get out of the store. The man flushed, didn’t wash his hands, and stormed out the front door.)

Me: “He left the Time magazine in there. You don’t want me to put it back, do you?”

Manager: “H***, no. BURN IT.”

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