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    A Compete Idiot

    , | Liverpool, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    Customer: “Where do you keep [Competitor Store] branded beans, please?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, madam. We don’t carry our competitors lines. We only stock our own branded goods.”

    Customer: “That’s silly. You could make money selling other stores’ goods.”

    Me: “That’s an interesting concept. I wonder why no one has thought of it before?”

    Customer: “Well, it’s all the same stuff inside anyway. They just use their own brand labels.”

    Me: “In that case, would you like to try our own brand beans?”

    Customer: “Oh, no. I prefer [Competitor Brand] beans. They taste much nicer.”

    Milking The Holidays For All Their Worth

    | Kent, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    Customer: *looking at store times* “So you’re closed Christmas Day and Boxing Day?”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Customer: “So your manager thinks it’s acceptable for you to close Christmas Day and Boxing Day? One day just isn’t enough for you greedy swines? What if I, say, need some milk?”

    Me: “Don’t worry. I will leave my family and come serve you your milk.”

    Customer: “So you should.”

    Shouldn’t Sweater Over It

    | Newcastle, England, UK | Holidays, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m looking for a popular Christmas jumper (sweater) and have finally found one in my size. It is the last one in the store and I have put it in my trolley. I’m just browsing around the other clothes when a customer looks into my trolley and takes the jumper.)

    Me: “Excuse me, but what are you doing?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “That jumper was in my trolley. I’m buying it.”

    Customer: “No. It wasn’t. I’ve just got this off the rail! Stop hassling me!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I just WATCHED YOU take it out of my trolley and put it into your basket. Can you please give it back so I can go and buy it?”

    Customer: “No. It’s not your colour. Anyway, I didn’t take it out of your trolley.”

    Me: “Okay. There is an easy way of solving this. Why don’t we go and visit security and get them to look at the camera? If you took it out of my trolley then you give it back. If you didn’t and I was mistaken I will pay for the jumper for you as an apology. How does that sound?”

    Customer: “HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF BEING A THIEF YOU F*****G SKANK!”

    Me: “Right. I’ve had enough of this now. I came here just for that jumper.”

    (I grab it out of the basket. The customer walks away, muttering loudly.)

    Customer: “Such a b****. Ruining Christmas for me!”

    A Minor Mistake, Part 2

    | Northland, New Zealand | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I’m the night supervisor at a supermarket. I’m in my 20s but look younger than I am.)

    Customer: “I have wine here. You’ll need to call your supervisor.”

    Me: “That’s okay, ma’am. I am the supervisor on duty tonight.”

    Customer: “Really? Surely you have to be old enough to drink it before you can sell it.”

    Me: “Well, yes. But I am old enough to drink and have been for a few years now.”

    Customer: “No, you haven’t. You look like a child.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can assure you. I’m in my 20s. But I’ll take that as a compliment.”

    (The customer begins to rant about child labour laws.)

    Me: “Thank you. Have a nice night.”

    Customer: “GO TO BED!”

    Related:
    A Minor Mistake

    I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here, Part 13

    | IN, USA | Crazy Requests

    (My roommate and I are doing some shopping at a popular supermarket chain. The employees wear red shirts with white name tags. My roommate works at a day spa and hasn’t changed out of her uniform yet, which is a black dress with a bronze name tag. As we are heading to check out, an elderly woman grabs my friend’s arm.)

    Woman: “Can you tell me where the house robes are?”

    My Roommate: “I’m sorry. I don’t know.”

    (The woman is still holding on to my friend’s arm, so my friend gently pulls herself loose.)

    Woman: “Excuse me! I asked you a question!”

    My Roommate: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I really don’t know where they are. I don’t work here.”

    (At this point, a store employee has noticed us and approaches.)

    Employee: “Can I help you ladies?”

    Woman: “This lady won’t help me find the house robes! She isn’t doing her job. I asked a simple question, and she’s ignoring me to hang out with her little friend instead. I want to speak to a manager.”

    Employee: “Ma’am, I don’t believe she works here.”

    Me: “She doesn’t.”

    Woman: “Well, then why is she wearing a name tag?”

    My Roommate: “I work at a day spa down the street and I haven’t had time to change out my uniform yet.”

    Woman: “Oh. How was I supposed to know that?”

    (She’s being very rude and I’m getting fed up with it.)

    Me: “Because her uniform looks absolutely nothing like his?”

    Woman: “Excuse me? I won’t be talked to like that.”

    Employee: “Ma’am, I apologize for this misunderstanding. If you’ll come with me, I’ll show you the—”

    Woman: “No! I want to see a manager! I want both of these girls fired!”

    My Roommate: “Neither of us work here!”

    Related:
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 12
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 11
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 10
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 9
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 8
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 7
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6
    I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5

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