July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Grand Theft Innocence, Part 12

| Kolding, Denmark | Bizarre, Spouses & Partners

(It is shortly after the EU release of the popular video game ‘Grand Theft Auto V.’ I have just gotten off from work, and am walking through the supermarket I work at to get to the employee exit. I have just entered the beverage section of the supermarket, when suddenly a guy around the age of 18 comes crashing into one of the beverages coolers on a three-wheel kids bike.)

Me: “Whaa-”

(Before i get to react, he turns his head to me, still sitting on the bike, and looks at me.)

Customer: “Yo, give me all your money, b****!”

(I just stand completely confused, when suddenly he turns his head back down the aisle he came from.)

Customer: “Aww, f***, they are on to me!”

(He quickly pedals away from me on the little bike, followed by a girl I presumed to be his girlfriend running after him. She faces me shortly before running after him.)

Customer’s Girlfriend: “I’m so sorry. He has been playing that new Grand Theft Auto game all week.”

Customer: *a couple of aisles away* “You ain’t getting me punk!”

Related:
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 11
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 10
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 9

Date Updated

| Reading, England, UK | Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I get home from work to find my wife (who gets home before me) has unpacked the shopping which has been delivered.)

Me: “What do you want for tea?”

Wife: “We were going to have macaroni but we’ll have to have the chicken biryani instead because it goes out of date today. There were six things which go out today, which is outrageous.”

Me: “I thought they were supposed to inform you when they gave you things with today’s use-by date?”

Wife: “So did I. So I rang them up to complain. Such a nice lady, she apologised and gave us a refund on each of these articles.”

Me: “Nice of her.” *goes to fridge* “What, this chicken Biryani? Doesn’t go out of date until Saturday.”

(Today is Thursday.)

Wife: “What! But it distinctly says: use by the 12th.”

Me: “Yes, and today’s the 10th.”

Wife: “Oops.”

(She rang the supermarket back and was really apologetic about it. The woman at the other end was so happy to receive an apologetic phone call she let us keep the refund.)

Way Past Time Magazine

| Monroe, CT, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(It’s 11:20 pm and we close at 11 pm. Cashiers are counting out their tills, stockers are unloading boxes in the aisles, and the cleaning crew is scrubbing the place down. I’m counting lotto tickets behind the customer service desk when one of the cleaning crew comes over.)

Janitor: “Hey, is [Manager] around?”

Me: “No, he’s on the phone with corporate for a while. What’s up?”

Janitor: “You’d better come with me, then.”

(I follow him to the back of the store where the water fountains and bathrooms are, and I hear someone hollering from the men’s room.)

Me: *knocking on the door* “Um, hello, is there someone in there?”

Customer: “Yes! I’ve been sitting here calling for help for almost a half hour!”

Me: “Oh, my god, sir. I’m so sorry. The store closed and no one was around this area. Do you need medical attention?”

Customer: “No, of course not.”

Me: “Oh, uh, did you run out of toilet paper?”

Customer: “No, there’s plenty here.”

Me: “Okay… Then, what did you need help with?”

Customer: “I finished reading this Time magazine I picked up from the book section. Can you bring me the latest issue of Car & Driver?”

(We had to go get the manager, who threatened to charge him with trespassing if he didn’t finish his “business” and get out of the store. The man flushed, didn’t wash his hands, and stormed out the front door.)

Me: “He left the Time magazine in there. You don’t want me to put it back, do you?”

Manager: “H***, no. BURN IT.”

Give Her Family Credit

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Money

(Our system uses a PLU (Product Listed Under) list, which consists of numbers from 1-200, which are used for produce, milk, flowers, and meat coming through the registers. It has been a long busy day and I was getting a bit bored with repeating the same spiel over and over, so I decided to mix it up a little bit.)

Me: “Your total comes to $94.55. Would you like to pay by cash, card, or firstborn child today?”

Customer: “Firstborn child? How much is she worth?”

Me: *turns to customer’s daughter* “How old are you this year?”

Customer’s Daughter: “I’m five and two thirds!”

(I put the number five into the system, which corresponds with a 750 gram bag of tomatoes, worth $3.50.)

Me: *to the customer* “She’s worth $3.50.”

Customer: “D***, not enough. It’ll have to be card.”

(The transaction finishes and she starts to head off.)

Customer: “Can I pay with my husband next time?”

Wish You Were Just Pulling My Leg

| Taylor, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I was working as a cashier when a customer comes up with a cart full of two-packs of turkey legs.)

Me: “Wow, these are pretty big; they make me think of renaissance festival turkey legs.”

Customer: “Yeah, exactly! I’m going to put them in my smoker. They come out just like that.”

Me: “Oh, sounds nice! Now I’m craving one!” *laughs*

Customer: “You are? I could give you one if you like!”

(I laugh it off as a joke and finish the transaction normally. However, a couple of days later, I see the customer return with a food container in the child seat of her cart.)

Customer: “Oh! I was hoping you were working this shift again. Guess what I brought you!”

(She opens the container and pulls out a whole turkey leg, smoked so much it’s falling off the bone she’s holding it by.)

Customer: “I brought you one like I said!”

Me: *surprised* “I… uh? Thank you, but… I really can’t take it!”

Customer: “No, it’s okay. I have plenty. You saw. You said you wanted one right? Take it!”

(I continue to politely refuse while she literally shoved the turkey leg at me, it’s falling apart on my belt and getting grease everywhere.)

Me: *desperate* “I can’t eat on the job. I could get in trouble!”

Customer: “Oh, well… I’ll just leave you it here for it later then.”

(She puts the turkey leg right on the belt and hurries off like nothing happened, leaving me to clean up the greasy mess. It was a nice gesture but an odd one at that!)

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