Way Past Time Magazine

| Monroe, CT, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(It’s 11:20 pm and we close at 11 pm. Cashiers are counting out their tills, stockers are unloading boxes in the aisles, and the cleaning crew is scrubbing the place down. I’m counting lotto tickets behind the customer service desk when one of the cleaning crew comes over.)

Janitor: “Hey, is [Manager] around?”

Me: “No, he’s on the phone with corporate for a while. What’s up?”

Janitor: “You’d better come with me, then.”

(I follow him to the back of the store where the water fountains and bathrooms are, and I hear someone hollering from the men’s room.)

Me: *knocking on the door* “Um, hello, is there someone in there?”

Customer: “Yes! I’ve been sitting here calling for help for almost a half hour!”

Me: “Oh, my god, sir. I’m so sorry. The store closed and no one was around this area. Do you need medical attention?”

Customer: “No, of course not.”

Me: “Oh, uh, did you run out of toilet paper?”

Customer: “No, there’s plenty here.”

Me: “Okay… Then, what did you need help with?”

Customer: “I finished reading this Time magazine I picked up from the book section. Can you bring me the latest issue of Car & Driver?”

(We had to go get the manager, who threatened to charge him with trespassing if he didn’t finish his “business” and get out of the store. The man flushed, didn’t wash his hands, and stormed out the front door.)

Me: “He left the Time magazine in there. You don’t want me to put it back, do you?”

Manager: “H***, no. BURN IT.”

Give Her Family Credit

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Money

(Our system uses a PLU (Product Listed Under) list, which consists of numbers from 1-200, which are used for produce, milk, flowers, and meat coming through the registers. It has been a long busy day and I was getting a bit bored with repeating the same spiel over and over, so I decided to mix it up a little bit.)

Me: “Your total comes to $94.55. Would you like to pay by cash, card, or firstborn child today?”

Customer: “Firstborn child? How much is she worth?”

Me: *turns to customer’s daughter* “How old are you this year?”

Customer’s Daughter: “I’m five and two thirds!”

(I put the number five into the system, which corresponds with a 750 gram bag of tomatoes, worth $3.50.)

Me: *to the customer* “She’s worth $3.50.”

Customer: “D***, not enough. It’ll have to be card.”

(The transaction finishes and she starts to head off.)

Customer: “Can I pay with my husband next time?”

Wish You Were Just Pulling My Leg

| Taylor, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I was working as a cashier when a customer comes up with a cart full of two-packs of turkey legs.)

Me: “Wow, these are pretty big; they make me think of renaissance festival turkey legs.”

Customer: “Yeah, exactly! I’m going to put them in my smoker. They come out just like that.”

Me: “Oh, sounds nice! Now I’m craving one!” *laughs*

Customer: “You are? I could give you one if you like!”

(I laugh it off as a joke and finish the transaction normally. However, a couple of days later, I see the customer return with a food container in the child seat of her cart.)

Customer: “Oh! I was hoping you were working this shift again. Guess what I brought you!”

(She opens the container and pulls out a whole turkey leg, smoked so much it’s falling off the bone she’s holding it by.)

Customer: “I brought you one like I said!”

Me: *surprised* “I… uh? Thank you, but… I really can’t take it!”

Customer: “No, it’s okay. I have plenty. You saw. You said you wanted one right? Take it!”

(I continue to politely refuse while she literally shoved the turkey leg at me, it’s falling apart on my belt and getting grease everywhere.)

Me: *desperate* “I can’t eat on the job. I could get in trouble!”

Customer: “Oh, well… I’ll just leave you it here for it later then.”

(She puts the turkey leg right on the belt and hurries off like nothing happened, leaving me to clean up the greasy mess. It was a nice gesture but an odd one at that!)

This ID Is Sub-par

| Westchester, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Money

(I am the customer in this story. I am checking out with a few items of food and some beer. I keep my ID and subway card in the same pocket of my wallet.)

Cashier: “Could I see some ID?”

Me: “Sure!”

(Not paying any attention, I hand her my subway card.)

Cashier: *holds card while staring at me, waiting for me to notice it’s not a driver’s license* “Um…”

Me: “Oh, oops! Sorry!” *hands her my ID*

Her Coworker: *while bagging my groceries* “Now, if it was a twenty, that might have worked!”

A Lack Of Branding Understanding

| CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Theme Of The Month

(I’ve just finished ringing up a whole shopping cart’s worth of groceries for a customer. As usual, I tell her the total and ask if she has any coupons. She hands me a stack of over 20 of them. When the first one doesn’t scan as valid, I start checking her bags to see why the system isn’t recognizing the coupon.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t see the [Yogurt Brand #1] yogurt that’s here on this coupon. You only bought the [Yogurt Brand #2]. Is that right?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s right.”

Me: “Okay, because the coupon is only valid for [Yogurt #1]. Sorry.” *handing it back to her*

Customer: “Yeah, I know, but I don’t like [Yogurt #1]. I like [Yogurt #2].”

Me: “Well, then unfortunately, you won’t be able to use this coupon. Sorry.” *still trying to hand it back to her*

Customer: “Excuse me? Why the h*** not?”

Me: “Umm… well, because you can’t apply one company’s coupon to another company’s product.”

Customer: “But yogurt is yogurt. Why do you care which one I buy?”

Me: “I don’t, but the [Yogurt #1] company won’t reimburse the store for a discount on [Yogurt #2]’s goods. It’s only for that one specific brand, not for yogurt in general.”

Customer: “But I don’t like [Yogurt #1] and I shouldn’t have to pay more just to get the [Yogurt #2] that I like. Just apply the damn coupon already and stop trying to be a coupon Nazi!”

(At this point, I give up and call over the front-end supervisor. I explain the situation and he takes a look at the coupon. He tells her the same thing I did and she starts throwing a hissy fit about not liking Yogurt #1.)

Supervisor: “Okay, ma’am, please stay calm. It’s only 60 cents, so I’ll apply the discount manually, but please remember next time to either purchase the brand of yogurt on the coupon or just buy the brand you like without a coupon.”

Customer: “Finally! Was that so hard?!”

(The supervisor walks away and I start scanning the rest of her coupons. The very next one gives me the same error. A chill goes down my spine, dreading the answer to my next question.)

Me: “Ma’am, did you buy [Cereal Brand #1]? I only see [Cereal Brand #2] on your receipt.”

Customer: “But I don’t like [Cereal #2], so give me the discount on [Cereal #1] instead.”

(Silently appalled, I glare down at the half-inch-thick stack of coupons she gave me.)

Me: “Do… do ANY of these coupons match the brand you bought, ma’am?”

Customer: “I doubt it. I hate those mainstream brands of food. Too many preservatives and glutens. But who cares what I buy? Stop being a coupon Nazi!”

(I call over the supervisor again. He refuses to give any more discounts on her unmatched coupons and hands the stack back to her. Out of nowhere, she smacks his hand away, making the coupons fly all over the floor.)

Customer: “Well, fine. Then f*** you and f*** your store and f*** all you stupid f****** coupon Nazis! Nazis, Nazis, Nazis!”

(She storms away and out the door, leaving her groceries. Everyone at the registers watches her through the windows barking ‘Nazis!’ at every person she passes in the parking lot. Meanwhile, the next customer is picking up the coupons that the woman scattered on the floor in front of him. He hands them to me in two stacks.)

Customer #2: “Here you go. You can take the small pile and put them somewhere. But the bigger pile is stuff I actually have in my cart to buy today, so I’ll be using those coupons.” *faces out the window* “Thank you, crazy coupon lady!”

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