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    Please Be Civil To Partnerships

    | Bury St. Edmunds, England, UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Top

    (I’m male. I’m chatting away to Customer #1 whilst scanning her items. We are talking about cakes.)

    Customer #1: “My husband doesn’t like the walnut one.”

    Me: *laughing* “Nor does my boyfriend. It means I can eat as much as I want in front of him and not have to sha—”

    Customer #1: “Your boyfriend? That’s disgusting. I didn’t realise [Company] hired your type!”

    (At this point, Customer #2, a sweet little old lady who has been waiting in the queue, speaks up.)

    Customer #2: “You leave him alone! He’s been nothing but helpful and you were happy to chat to him when you thought he was straight. Besides, I’ve seen him and his boyfriend in town, and he’s bloody gorgeous!”

    Customer #1: “Well! I never!”

    (She pays and flounces away.)

    Customer #2: *to me* “You tell that boyfriend of yours that I think you two look very happy together and may you be together a long time.”

    Me: “Thank you! I will!”

    (Months later, when my boyfriend and I decided to get a civil partnership, Customer #2 screamed with joy when I told her!)

    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 5

    | Dallas, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a customer in this story, standing next in line while the person ahead is being attended to.)

    Cashier: “Okay, sir. Your total is [amount].”

    Customer: “Fine.”

    (The customer pauses and doesn’t move to get his wallet.)

    Cashier: “Sir. Cash or credit?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry. Are you paying with cash, check, or credit card today?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Cashier: “For your groceries, how would you like to pay for them?”

    Customer: “I don’t get it. I only have a debit card.”

    Cashier: “That’s fine. We accept debit as well. Just slide it through the machine here.”

    Customer: “But it’s asking for a credit card. I don’t carry credit cards. People steal those all the time.”

    Cashier: “Sir, the machine will take both credit and debit. I you just follow the prompts…”

    Customer: “I don’t know. It’s asking for a credit card. I refuse to use one.”

    Cashier: “I can 100% guarantee you, sir, that the machine will read your debit card. After you swipe your card, select ‘debit’ and you’ll be done.”

    Customer: *motions to his groceries* “I can’t pay for these with a debit card. What kind of a business is this that doesn’t accept debit?”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t mean to interrupt, but I shop here weekly. They do accept debit cards. Open your eyes and read the machine prompt. It clearly has a DEBIT option.”

    Customer: “It says credit. I don’t have credit!”

    Me: “It’s that green button on the right labeled DEBIT. If you can’t see it, then I don’t think anyone here can help you.”

    (At this point the customer walks out and leaves eight full bags of groceries behind, muttering how confused he was that the store didn’t accept debit cards. The cashier has to load the bags into a cart and wait on another associate before ringing me up.)

    Me: “That probably happens way more often than it really should.”

    Cashier: “We have a pool going to see how high we can hit in a week. So far I’m at five and it’s only Wednesday.”

    Related:
    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 4
    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 3
    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 2

    Very Slow To Register

    | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Time

    (I’m heading to the only open checkout lane of a supermarket. A man in his mid-thirties, visibly in a rush and carrying only a single carton of milk, gets there only a moment after a little old lady carrying a basket with only two items in it.)

    Old Lady: “Don’t worry, young man. I’ll be done very quickly.”

    Man: *fidgeting* “No problem. Take your time.”

    (The cashier rings up both items. The old lady whips out a coupon.)

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, but this coupon is for a different brand of this item.”

    Lady: “Oh, dear. Can you send somebody to switch it out for me?”

    (It’s a few minutes before a stock-boy shows up with the correct brand. The man is getting more and more antsy and frustrated as he watches the cashier void the previous item and ring up the new one.)

    Cashier: “That’ll be [new total].”

    Old Lady: “Oh, dear. I almost forgot. I have another coupon here.”

    (It’s a manufacturer’s coupon. It doesn’t go through and takes a manager to come and help the cashier ring it in. By now the man’s face is turning red and he’s practically gnawing on his wallet out of frustration from waiting.)

    Cashier: “I’m so sorry, sir. We’re almost done.”

    Man: “Yep, no problem.”

    Cashier: *to old lady* “Okay, the total is [newest total].”

    Old Lady: *looking through her purse* “Oh, dear…” (A moment later she produces a checkbook.)

    Old Lady: “Who do I make it out to?”

    Man: *screaming* “God d*** it!”

    (With that, he hurls the carton of milk at a wall, where it explodes and sends milk cascading all over the wall and the front of the store.  The man storms out leaving a stream of profanity in his wake. We all watch this in stunned silence. A few moments later the old lady pulls her hand out of her pocket.)

    Old Lady: “Oh, never mind. Here’s a $5 bill. Had it all along! Silly me…”

    Done With This Business

    | Australia | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I am second in line at a deli. Deli servers aren’t allowed to stop serving someone unless they’re absolutely sure a customer is done.)

    Deli Worker: *to first customer* “That’s 500 grams. Is that all today?”

    Customer: *playing with phone, says nothing*

    Deli Worker: *turns, wraps the item, and hands it to the customer* “Is that all today?”

    Customer: *not looking up, slowly walks away*

    (The worker’s eyes follow the customer until she’s completely out of the line.)

    Deli Worker: “Aaaaaand… that’s a yes.” *turns to me, mirroring my bemused face* “Hi.”

    Bored To Death At School

    | Long Island, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m working as a cashier when a man and his young daughter (about nine or ten) come in. The girl looks upset.)

    Me: *to the girl* “Hi, there! How was school?”

    Girl: “I HATE school!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. What don’t you like about it?”

    Girl: “Everything, except for lunch and recess.”

    Me: “Well, what DO you like? What interests you?”

    Girl: *looking me right in the eye and smiling* “DEATH!”

    (Needless to say, I was speechless.)

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