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    Confessions Of A Teenage Bagger

    | Frankfort, KY, USA |

    (I’m a 17 year old bag boy at a local grocer. I’m finishing up an order when the customer, a middle-aged woman, walks uncomfortably close to me and stares at my curly hair.)

    Me: “How are you doing this evening, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I love your hair.”

    Me: “Uh… thanks. I kind of hate it, to be honest.”

    Customer: “I just want to go barefooted and romp around in it like I was in a meadow.”

    Me: “… have a good day, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Bye!”

    (She winks. I shudder.)

    This Was Before He Started Lobbing Cantaloupes

    | Canberra, Australia |

    Me: “If I can just get your signature there…”

    Elderly customer: *scribbles his name, then starts drawing on the counter*

    Me: “Uh… sir?”

    Elderly customer: *starts drawing up the side of the cash register*

    Me: “Sir? You just… sign your name.”

    Elderly customer: *doodles in the air, up and up… and then jabs me in the forehead with the pen and draws lines on my face*

    Me: “What the h***?”

    Elderly customer: “Reactions like that would have gotten you killed in the war!”

    The War Of 1812 Revisited

    | Baltimore, MD, USA |

    Me: “Have a good day, sir.”

    Old man: “Thank you. Is your family doing anything for the 4th of July?”

    Me: “Not really. We’re Canadian so we may hold a BBQ on July 1st, which is Canada Day.”

    Old man: “WHAT? You’re not American? I thought all foreigners had to become American when they came to this country!”

    Me: “No sir, my family all has green cards, so we’re all still Canadian citizens.”

    Old man: “I’M SICK OF ALL YOU F***ING ILLEGAL ALIENS TAKING ALL OUR F***ING JOBS! AN AMERICAN BOY SHOULD HAVE YOUR JOB!”

    Related:
    The War Of 1812 Redux

    Armageddon Shopping List: Holy Water, Crucifix, Tic Tac

    | Boston, MA, USA |

    (I was working at the express lane one Sunday morning, and this family comes in. Keep in mind that they look like something straight out of the Beverly Hillbillies. So they purchase a few things, and their total comes up to $6.66.)

    Customer: *looks at total in horror and points to son* “Quick, get some candy, gum, anything!”

    (His son then proceeds to throw a box of Tic Tacs at me.)

    Customer: “I will not have the Devil’s number as my total!”

    Me: “Thank you sir, have a nice day!”

    Ah, Fathers

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada |

    (I was a cashier and father and young son were in line.)

    Son: “Wow, that’s a lot of stuff!”

    Dad: “Yeah, I might have to sell your bike to pay for it all.”

    Son: “Noooo, not my bike!”

    Dad: *laughs* “No, I wouldn’t sell your bike for food. Although, I might sell it for beer…”

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