Blind To Reason

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Top

(A customer walks in with a small dog in her purse.)

Me: “Excuse me, miss, but you can’t have your dog in here. You’ll need to leave it in your car.”

Customer: “Why? Chanel is my baby! There is no way I could leave her in my car!”

Me: “Miss, having your dog in here is unsanitary. She has to go back into your car before you can shop.”

Customer: “That is so dumb! Let me speak to your manager!”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, miss?”

Customer: “This girl says I can’t have my dog in here! But I totally should be allowed to. Babies are allowed in, and Chanel is my baby!”

Manager: “Babies are a different story, miss.”

Customer: “My dog could die if I leave her in the car!”

(A clearly blind man now comes in with his seeing eye dog.)

Customer: “You let that guy with his dog in! This is sexual discrimination!”

Manager: “Miss, that man is blind. We can’t tell him to leave his dog outside.”

Customer: “So, only blind people can have their dogs in the store?”

Manager: “That’s right.”

(The customer leaves, and my manager disappears. 10 minutes later, the customer returns. She is wearing sunglasses and has her dog on a leash.)

Me: “Miss, I’ve already told you this. You need to leave your dog in your car.”

Customer: “But I’m blind and this is my seeing dog!”

Me: “You weren’t blind 10 minutes ago, and you aren’t blind now. Please leave, or I will have you escorted out.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll shop somewhere else! God, you people are so dumb!”

Short Changed In The Intelligence Department

| Netherlands |

Me: “That’ll be 21 euros, please.”

(The customer hands me a 50 euro bill.)

Me: “Would you have a 1 euro coin with that?”

Customer: “No, only 2 euros.”

Me: “Yes, please. That’ll be fine too.”

(The customer hands me two one euro coins.)

A Real Oxymoron

| New York, NY, USA |

(I’m putting a sale sign above a cooler containing shrimp when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Jumbo shrimp? That’s funny.”

Me: “Yeah it’s kind of an oxymoron, huh?”

Customer: “What the h*** did you just call me?”

Me: “An oxymoron is an English term, sir.”

Customer: “I don’t care if it’s a French term! Nobody insults me and gets away with it!”

(The customer suddenly grabs me and puts me into a tackle. He held me in it for a good 30 seconds before coworkers arrived to help!)

A Burning Question

| Sheffield, UK | Sheffield, UK |

(The fire alarm has gone off. The fire department have arrived and the whole building is evacuated. A customer attempts to enter.)

Me: “Excuse me, the store is closed due to a fire.”

Customer: “I only want a couple of things.”

Me: “There is a fire. We have evacuated the building.” *points to scared looking customers and employees*

Customer: “I only want bread an milk.”

Me: “The building is on fire! I’m sorry, sir, but we will be unlikely to serve anyone until tomorrow!”

Customer: “Oh! Does that mean the fresh vegetables are on offer?” *tries to push past me*

Me: “No. Nothing is on offer at all because the store is closed.”

(At this point more customers are arriving.)

Customer #2: “So we can’t even pay? Those people got sent home with their stuff for free!” *points to customers loading their cars with stolen goods*

Me: “No, they have stolen those things. They have been caught on camera, and they will be prosecuted when the emergency is over.”

Customer #2: “Oh, so I can get my stuff for free?”

Original customer: “Does that mean it’s free if we eat it all tonight?”

Me: “No. Wait…what?”

Because They’re All Like Julie Andrews

| Sheffield, UK |

(I have a more pronounced British accent due to my upbringing.)

Me: “Good afternoon. How may I help you?”

American customer: *gasps* “Omigod! You’re British! You’re all ‘British-y’! Like on TV! Oh my God! Will you talk to my wife? She would love your voice!”

Me: “Uh…thank you. Sure. Where is she?”

(He takes out a phone, dialing.)

American customer: “Honey, I found an English girl! She sounds really British and everything!” *hands me the phone*

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m really confused and I have no idea what to say. Do you have a customer service related query?”

Wife on phone: *gasps* “Oh wow! Honey, your voice is beautiful!”

Me: “Thank you?”

American customer: “Do you sing too?”

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