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    Thanks For Clearing That Up

    | Taylor, MI, USA |

    (I notice a female customer shoving a few acne treatments into her purse.)

    Me: “Excuse me, miss; you’re going to have to pay for those.”

    Customer: “For what?”

    Me: “For the treatments you just shoved into your purse.”

    Customer: *sounding offended* “I did no such thing!”

    Me: “Fine. Will you please show me there aren’t any stolen items in your bag?”

    Customer: “No! You’re only doing this because I’m ugly!”

    Me: “…what?”

    Customer: “I can’t believe an ugly person can’t go out into public anymore without be accused of stealing!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “I’m never coming here again! *storms out, setting off the alarm and alerting security*

    Co-worker: “Maybe we should have just let her have them.”

    It’s Best To Not Get Involved

    | New Haven, CT, USA |

    (I’m putting up price tags, and a woman is heard screaming on her phone off in the distance.)

    Customer: “Why can’t I ever make you happy? Nothing I ever do for you is enough…. WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU? YOU’RE NEVER HAPPY!”

    (She stops at the condoms section; the section I’m working on at the time, and grabs a 30-pack of condoms.)

    Customer: “You know what? I’m getting condoms at ****. BE READY WHEN I GET HOME.” *storms off*

    Pepsi With A Hint Of Levis

    | Worcester, MA, USA |

    (A customer places a 2 liter bottle of soda down at the end of the conveyor belt. When the conveyor belt, moves the bottle falls over and the cap shatters; the soda leaks all over my pants.)

    Me: “Sir, you’re going to have to get another bottle if you still want to buy the soda.”

    Customer: “But I wanted that bottle!”

    Me: “Well, then… I’ll just squeeze the soda from my pants back into the bottle for you.”

    Confessions Of A Teenage Bagger

    | Frankfort, KY, USA |

    (I’m a 17 year old bag boy at a local grocer. I’m finishing up an order when the customer, a middle-aged woman, walks uncomfortably close to me and stares at my curly hair.)

    Me: “How are you doing this evening, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I love your hair.”

    Me: “Uh… thanks. I kind of hate it, to be honest.”

    Customer: “I just want to go barefooted and romp around in it like I was in a meadow.”

    Me: “… have a good day, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Bye!”

    (She winks. I shudder.)

    This Was Before He Started Lobbing Cantaloupes

    | Canberra, Australia |

    Me: “If I can just get your signature there…”

    Elderly customer: *scribbles his name, then starts drawing on the counter*

    Me: “Uh… sir?”

    Elderly customer: *starts drawing up the side of the cash register*

    Me: “Sir? You just… sign your name.”

    Elderly customer: *doodles in the air, up and up… and then jabs me in the forehead with the pen and draws lines on my face*

    Me: “What the h***?”

    Elderly customer: “Reactions like that would have gotten you killed in the war!”


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