October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

You (Could Have) Had Me At Hello

| Freeland, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

(I’m an employee stocking the shelf at one end of an aisle. A customer enters at the far end by the milk and is coughing constantly.)

Customer: *coughs*

(I briefly glance over. She’s staring at the milk.)

Customer: *coughs again*

(There’s a long pause. She’s still staring at the milk.)

Customer: *loud coughing*

(I turn to see if she is covering her mouth, but instead see her charging down the aisle at me.)

Customer: “What is wrong with you?! I’ve been coughing to get your attention down there for five minutes! ”

Me: “Ma’am, I glanced over at you several times. You never looked at me.”

Customer: “Oh, yes I did! What does a person have to do here, fall on the floor and have a seizure to get some milk?!”

A Pregnant Pause For Thought

| Norwich, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “Where are the pregnancy test kits?”

Me: “Over there, by the condoms.”

Customer: “If I knew where the condoms were, I wouldn’t need the pregnancy test!”

A Not So Pregnant Pause For Thought

Cash Back, Government Style, Part 2

| Southampton, UK | Uncategorized

(We have a pay-point for customers who pay for their gas and electricity on a pay-as-you-go plan.)

Me: “Hi there, how can I help?”

(The customer pushes £20 note and a gas card into my hand.)

Customer: “I want £10 back.”

Me: “So you want £10 on the gas with £10 change?”

Customer: “No, I want £20 on the gas and £10 cash-back. You know, cash-back? Like from the till?

Me: “I’m afraid we only offer cash-back when you’re paying with a debit card.”

Customer: “I don’t have a debit card, can’t you do it anyway?”

Me: “No, cash-back is money taken from your debit account. Like it’s from an ATM.”

Customer: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “Well, you’re asking for £10 cash-back without paying for it from an account. You’re basically asking for me to give you free money.”

Customer: “Isn’t that how it works?”

Cash Back, Government Style

I Put A Cell On You

| Auckland, New Zealand | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

(I have just finished helping out this really nice, elderly lady.)

Customer: “Oh, and do you happen to know the date?”

Me: “I will just look–”

(I start to pull out my mobile phone.)

Customer: *excitedly* “Ooh! You’re pulling out your little magic box!”

Some Recipes Contain No Margarine For Error

| Melbourne, Australia | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, could you point me in the direction of the butter?”

Me: “Of course, its just over here.”

Customer: “Do you have these in liquid form? Like watery?”

Me: “I’m not sure what you mean, did you want cream?”

Customer: “No, no, like liquid butter?”

(At this point I look at the customers shopping list, its a recipe list for pancakes and it clearly says ‘melted butter’.)

Me: “You want to buy melted butter? You know you can just make that right?”

Customer: “Oh really? You actually make it yourself? How do you do that?”

Me: “You just put regular butter in a hot pan and it melts.”

Customer: “Wow! That’s fantastic! Thank you so much!”

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