November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Hey, [His Name]

, | Australia | At The Checkout, Funny Names

(At my deli we have a worker named Naim. We pronounce it exactly the same as the word ‘name.’)

Customer: “How long till the hot chickens come out?”

Coworker #1: “I’m not sure. Hey, Naim, do you know?”

Coworker #2: “Half an hour, I think—”

Customer: “That’s INCREDIBLY rude! Are you just too lazy to learn his name?”

Coworker #2: “But… that is my name.”

(He shows the customer his name tag, and she immediately brightens and apologises.)

Coworker #1: *starts laughing* “If I call anyone Nametag then I’ll be in trouble.” *turns to me* “Right, Nametag?”

(I can’t help but giggle, and the customer just rolls her eyes and walks away.)

Avoiding The Meat Of The Problem

| UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work at a customer service desk in a large supermarket.)

Me: “How can I help?”

Customer: “I want a refund for this frozen chicken!”

Me: “Okay, so what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I put it in the oven for a whole hour and it’s still pink inside!”

Me: “Um, okay. I would suggest putting it in the oven for longer then, ma’am.”

Customer: “Are you calling me stupid?!”

Me: “No, I’m just suggesting that it is pink because it’s not cooked properly.”

Customer: “Just because I’m not a chicken cooking expert like you!”

Me: “I’ve been vegetarian for 13 years, ma’am…”

Should Get Yourself Checked Out

| UK | At The Checkout, Technology

(I am the customer in this story. I am notoriously unlucky at using self-service checkouts; they invariably tell me to ‘place the item in the bag’ or ‘remove the last item from the bag’ or can’t recognise the barcodes. For this reason I usually try to use a manned register. On this occasion I’m only buying a few items and decide to give it a try. There is a cashier near the self-service in case of problems.)

Me: “Just to warn you, these checkouts don’t like me. You’ll probably need to help.”

Cashier: “No problem. I’ll wait right here.”

(I start scanning.)

Me: “I can’t believe this is working. It’s usually gone wrong by now.”

Cashier: “Well, keep going. You’re doing something right!”

(I scan my last item.)

Me: “Wow, that is the first time I’ve got through the whole thing without a problem! That’s a record!”

Cashier: “Well, congratulations!”

(I pay the machine and collect my change.)

Me: “I still can’t believe it didn’t go wrong.”

Cashier: “I hope you have a good day!”

Me: “Thanks! Goodbye.”

(I start to leave the store.)

Cashier: “Uh, excuse me?”

Me: “Yes?”

Cashier: *pointing at the checkout I’d just left* “…Did you want to take your shopping with you?”

Doesn’t Go Quite So Well With Jelly

| AZ, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(Sunday morning working in the beer and wine section of a busy supermarket stocking bottles of wine.)

Customer: “Excuse me; can you help me find some peanut grease?”

Me: *a little tired, thinking the customer perhaps meant peanut oil or something* “Peanut grease? I’m not sure if we stock that but if we do it would probably be in the baking aisle.”

Customer: “Baking? I don’t want to cook with it; I want to drink it.”

Me: *nonplussed* “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for something dry but still a little sweet and I read on a website that peanut grease would be a good one to try.”

Me: *the penny drops* “Oh, pinot gris! Yes, we have that right over here…”

(I proceeded to help him pick out a few nice bottles. One of the better customers I’ve dealt with to be honest but I can’t go past that completely brilliant mangling of pronunciation.)

Gives New Meaning To The Pink Dollar

| ACT, Australia | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Money

(At the store I work at, we sell gift cards for a certain popular online music store, with pre-set values of $20, $30, and $50. To help tell the difference between the cards, they are colour-coded, with $20 being pink, $30 being blue, and $50 being green. One day, an old lady comes up to my register with a $20 card.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but do you have these $20 cards in blue?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, the $20 [Music Store] gift cards only come in pink.”

Customer: “Are you sure? I really would like a blue $20 [Music Store] card.”

Me: “All the $20 cards are pink, I’m afraid. Why were you after a blue card in particular?”

Customer: “Well, I want to buy this card for my grandson’s birthday, but I can’t get him a PINK card. That’s a girl’s colour! He’s a boy; he needs a BLUE card!”

(The customer is a bit grumpy at this point, and I am a bit put off by her gender stereotyping, but I try to remain polite and helpful.)

Me: “Oh. Well, as I said, we unfortunately do not have blue $20 [Music Store] cards.”

Customer: *disappointed* “I see.” *pause* “Are you sure you don’t have any blue ones out the back?”

Me: “Positive, ma’am. The $30 [Music Store] cards are blue. You could spend and extra $10 and get one of those.”

Customer: *outraged* “$30?! I love my grandson, but not that much!”