Featured Story:
  • Providing A Self-Service Service
    (2,029 thumbs up)
  • April Theme Of The Month: Losing My Religion!
    Submit your story today!

    Fixing For A Fixing

    | London, England, UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Family & Kids

    (In my local supermarket, there’s a very nice chap who usually works behind the tobacco counter. I have no idea what his preference is, but he’s obviously flamboyant and camp. He’s also always very friendly and helpful to everyone.)

    Angry Customer: “God, that f****** [homophobic slur] is so slow!”

    (Everyone else in the queue turns in astonishment, not sure that they just heard that. The angry customer continues ranting:)

    Angry Customer: “Those d*** gays; they’re everywhere! I don’t know what’s wrong with—OW! OW!”

    (We all look down to see a five year old standing there, kicking the ranting guy hard in the shins, repeatedly.)

    Child: “You’re—” *kick* “—not—” *kick* “—a—” *kick* “—nice—” *kick* “—man—” *kick*

    (The angry customer grabs the child, to the complete shock of everyone watching, at which point he is tackled by several people.)

    Angry Customer: “I have my rights! I have been assaulted!”

    (The police arrive very quickly, and calm the situation.)

    Policeman: *to angry customer* “Well, we’ve heard from all these people that you grabbed and then tried to hit that little girl. Is that true?”

    Angry Customer: “I demand you arrest her! She attacked me! She’s guilty of assault!”

    Policeman: “She’s five! She can’t legally commit any crime. You, on the other hand, have assaulted a small child and are now under arrest.”

    (The best bit of the entire story? Various people offered to buy the little girl some sweets.)

    Little Girl: “No! I don’t want sweets. I want this!”

    (She has a cheap 50-piece toolset with screwdrivers, pliers, and so-on. We confirm with her mum that it is okay to buy that for her at that age.)

    Mum: “Sure, why not? You’ve already seen that she likes fixing things.”

    Fits The Bill Of A Criminal

    | England, UK | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Holidays, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (A couple of years back I worked as a Christmas temp at a major supermarket during a year off from university course. It is in the middle of a very busy shift.)

    Customer: *walks up to checkout with two very expensive electrical items*

    Me: “Hello, sir.” *scans items* “That will be £380 please.”

    Customer: *hands me a wad of £20 notes*

    Me: “Thank you very much.”

    (I start to count money out in front of him while also checking each note for authenticity.)

    Customer: *suddenly aggressive* “What are you doing?”

    Me: “I have to check that this is the correct amount of money and it is our policy to ensure that all notes are genuine. I do the same for all notes I get handed.”

    Customer: *grabs notes and starts to count them out in front of me quickly*

    Me: “Sir, I need to count the money myself so I can check each note.”

    Customer: “I am not a criminal!”

    Me: *getting suspicious* “I am not saying you are, sir. I am only doing my job as thoroughly as I can. Sometimes fake notes can be picked up by accident and the person who has them is not aware they are fake. But if I were to allow one into the till it could be passed to another customer and at that point the shop would have committed a criminal offence and could be held liable. I need to check the notes.”

    (I pick up the notes and start to check them again.)

    Customer: “I AM NOT A CRIMINAL!”

    (The manager comes over at the noise.)

    Me: “Please calm down, sir!”

    Manager: “[My Name], what is going on?!”

    Me: “This gentleman is not allowing me to check and count his money.”

    Manager: “Please calm down, sir, or we will have to call security.”

    Customer: *screaming at the top of his lungs* “I AM NOT A CRIMINAL! WHY ARE YOU TREATING ME LIKE THIS?! I WILL F****** SLIT YOUR THROAT, YOU F****** B****!”

    (Security came running over and the customer was restrained. When we checked his money all but £100 of it was fake. The police were called.)

    In The Firing Line

    | England, UK | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a small supermarket in my small town. It’s near Christmas and we are fully staffed. I’m on my break after four hours of constant checkout work. I am in the queue with some food with a very impatient customer who is a frequent annoyance in our store. I already handed my notice of leaving in and am starting a new job after Christmas.)

    Customer: *looks at me* “I’ve been waiting for 20 minutes!” *it has actually been more like four minutes*

    Me: “Yeah, it’s very busy this time of year. Everybody does last minute shopping. I’m only going to have five minutes to each my lunch.” *attempt at defusing with a laugh*

    Customer: “Why are you not working? Can you not jump on a till?”

    Me: “Sorry, I am on my break. I’ve been here since six am.”

    Customer: “I thought you people were meant to help customers whenever they need? The poster says so.”

    Me: “I am sorry, but all the tills are being used.” *gestures to all tills* “And the poster says ‘ask a member of staff and we will try to help you.'”

    Customer: “I know you have a spare till in the back that you only use for staff. Can you not bring it out? *giving the b***iest look I’ve ever seen*

    Me: *with a sarcastic shocked look* “How do you know about our secret till?! I am only used as a decoy here in the customer queue so nobody can catch on to our super secret discount staff till in the back because I love to wait in a queue instead of eating my lunch!”

    (The customer then scoffs and gets served and turns around to me.)

    Customer: “I would wish you a Merry Christmas but you’re obviously not as educated as me to comprehend such words.”

    Me: “And a very Merry Christmas to you too, Mrs [Customer]. I can’t wait to serve you and your excessive amount of booze on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings whilst everyone judges you in the queue!” *smiles*

    A Healthy Uptake In Coupons

    | London, UK | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Money

    (Customer hands over £12 worth of healthy living vouchers which can only be used on milk and fruit & vegetables when she has only purchased crisps and other ‘junk’ food.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re unable to accept these coupons as you haven’t bought any of the products listed.”

    Customer: “But I need to feed my child.”

    Me: “Yes, but you’ve not bought £12 worth of fruit and veg or milk.”

    Customer: “But my child doesn’t eat fruit and vegetables. He prefers to eat crisps.”

    Me: “Yes, but the coupons are specifically provided by the government to promote healthy eating.”

    Customer: “Well, how am I supposed to use the coupons, then? My child is a toddler now and doesn’t eat fruit or vegetables any more. I want to speak to a manager!”

    (The manager basically reiterated what I had said and she threatened to contact Head Office. We never heard anything from Head Office.)

    Other Customers Might Need Hazard Pay

    | Newry, Northern Ireland, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I’m looking for a cheap pair of runners for bike riding in a well known, high street supermarket. I’m wearing a hoodie that looks similar to the fleece jackets worn by staff. A man, large and burly, comes up to me.)

    Man: “Hey, you! How much are these jeans?”

    (I realise he thinks I work here.)

    Me: “Sorry, friend, I don’t work here. Wouldn’t know.”

    (I expect that to be the end of it.)

    Man: “That’s not what I f***** asked, pal.”

    (I left quite quickly.)

    Page 4/50First...23456...Last