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    Identity Crisis

    | United Kingdom |

    Customer: “Hi, I want 20 Marlboros.”

    Me: “Do you have any ID at all?”

    (The customer lifts his right sleeve on his t-shirt to reveal a tattoo of a date.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t accept that.”

    Customer: “Why not? That’s my f***ing date of birth! You think I‚Äôd just get some random date done on my arm?”

    Me: “We need photo ID, sir, like a driver’s license or a passport.”

    (The customer points at his face.)

    Me: “Umm…”

    How About “Shop Around The Clock”

    | Canterbury, England, UK |

    (A customer comes up to our customer service desk complaining about music playing in our store.)

    Customer: “I want you to take that last song off the speakers.”

    Me: “Umm, ‘Don’t Upset The Rhythm’? Is that the one?”

    Customer: “The one that goes ‘Go Baby Go Baby Go’?”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Customer: “Yes, take it off. It’s pressuring me to hurry my shopping!”

    Doubling in Dublin

    | Dublin, Ireland |

    (Note: It’s several days before Valentine’s Day.)

    Customer: “Just these, please!”

    (The customer hands me two Valentine’s Day cards. One is titled “To my wife,” and the other is titled “To my girlfriend”. Got to love his lack of shame!)

    Selfish Smokers

    | London, UK | Health & Body, Top

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “A packet of 20 Marlboro Lights, please.”

    (I hand him the cigarettes.)

    Customer: “Wait, I don’t want these ones.”

    Me: “Why? They’re Marlboro Lights. Did you change your mind?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want ones with this health warning about cigarettes causing impotency.”

    Me: “Ok. Do you want ‘smoking harms those around you,’ or ‘smoking causes testicular cancer?’”

    Customer: “Give me the ‘harms others’ ones.”

    The Law Of The South Paw

    | Denmark |

    (I was scanning in the next customer’s items when this occurred.)

    Customer: “You’re doing it wrong.”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “You’re scanning my things in wrong.”

    Me: “No, it’s done correctly. Every time the item is scanned it says beep.”

    Customer: “But you’re left-handed.”

    Me: “Yes, I am. Is there a problem?”

    Customer: “I’m right-handed. I don’t want my things scanned in by a lefty! Undo it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t un-scan all your items, and re-scan them with my right hand.”

    Customer: “God, are you a cripple or something?”

    Me: “No, but there are other customers waiting.”

    Customer: “FINE! I’ll pay with a check.”

    (She gets out her checkbook, and starts writing with her left hand. Another customer in line speaks up.)

    Customer #2: “Didn’t she say she was right-handed?”

    (The woman looks up, and then at her left hand.)

    Customer: “Are you stupid? This is right!”


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