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    Sweet Spice

    | London, UK |

    (I work on the pizza counter at a large supermarket chain. We make individual pizzas for the customer.)

    Customer: “I’d like some jelly babies.”

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t put jelly babies on pizzas. What else can
    I get you?”

    Customer: *pause* “Jelly babies, please.”

    Me: “Sir, we do not serve jelly babies here.”

    (This continues for quite awhile.)

    Customer: “I’d like some jelly babies.”

    Me: “We do not sell jelly babies!”

    (The customer then angrily points to an ingredient on the counter.)

    Me: “Sir, those are jalapeños.”

    What Came First, The Idiot Or The Egg

    | Tasmania, Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal

    (After scanning some eggs I open the box look inside and close it again.)

    Customer: “Why are you looking it the egg carton?”

    Me: “I’m checking to make sure there are no broken ones.”

    Customer: “Oh, I thought it was to make sure people weren’t stealing stuff by hiding it in the eggs…”

    You (Could Have) Had Me At Hello

    | Freeland, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I’m an employee stocking the shelf at one end of an aisle. A customer enters at the far end by the milk and is coughing constantly.)

    Customer: *coughs*

    (I briefly glance over. She’s staring at the milk.)

    Customer: *coughs again*

    (There’s a long pause. She’s still staring at the milk.)

    Customer: *loud coughing*

    (I turn to see if she is covering her mouth, but instead see her charging down the aisle at me.)

    Customer: “What is wrong with you?! I’ve been coughing to get your attention down there for five minutes! ”

    Me: “Ma’am, I glanced over at you several times. You never looked at me.”

    Customer: “Oh, yes I did! What does a person have to do here, fall on the floor and have a seizure to get some milk?!”

    A Pregnant Pause For Thought

    | Norwich, UK |

    Customer: “Where are the pregnancy test kits?”

    Me: “Over there, by the condoms.”

    Customer: “If I knew where the condoms were, I wouldn’t need the pregnancy test!”

    Related:
    A Not So Pregnant Pause For Thought

    Cash Back, Government Style, Part 2

    | Southampton, UK |

    (We have a pay-point for customers who pay for their gas and electricity on a pay-as-you-go plan.)

    Me: “Hi there, how can I help?”

    (The customer pushes £20 note and a gas card into my hand.)

    Customer: “I want £10 back.”

    Me: “So you want £10 on the gas with £10 change?”

    Customer: “No, I want £20 on the gas and £10 cash-back. You know, cash-back? Like from the till?

    Me: “I’m afraid we only offer cash-back when you’re paying with a debit card.”

    Customer: “I don’t have a debit card, can’t you do it anyway?”

    Me: “No, cash-back is money taken from your debit account. Like it’s from an ATM.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand.”

    Me: “Well, you’re asking for £10 cash-back without paying for it from an account. You’re basically asking for me to give you free money.”

    Customer: “Isn’t that how it works?”

    Related:
    Cash Back, Government Style

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