Featured Story:
  • Providing A Self-Service Service
    (2,235 thumbs up)
  • April Theme Of The Month: Losing My Religion!
    Submit your story today!

    Red Light ATM

    | Melbourne, Australia | Rude & Risque

    (I am a cashier serving an elderly woman in her 70’s or 80’s. I have just finished scanning her items and she is handing me the money after looking through her purse for several minutes.)

    Customer: “Here you go, dear. I was a bit worried for a moment that I wouldn’t have enough money! I thought I might have to…well, you’re probably to young to know.”

    Me: “What’s that, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Well, I thought I might have to go down to [well known brothel] and stand out on the street. You know, earn some fast cash!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: *laughing* “You have a lovely day now!”

    We Like Our Innuendos Freshly Baked

    | Hagerstown, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (I’m working check out as a gay couple comes up to my line with a dozen or so bananas.)

    Customer: “So, what do you think two gay men are going to do with this many bananas?”

    Me: *playing along* “Uh, make phallic jokes, then eat them?”

    Customer: “Well, yeah, but we’re making banana bread!”

    Numbers Don’t Lie

    | Perth, Western Australia, Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal

    (I’m a checkout assistant at a supermarket working the night of Halloween. A teenager and his girlfriend come to the checkout at about 8pm with three dozen eggs.)

    Me: “You’re not the ones who have been egging people in the carpark, are you?”

    Customer: “Uh, no. We, um, just want to make an omelette.”

    Me: “You’re making a thirty-six egg omelette? How big is your frying pan?”

    Customer: “S***.” *runs out of the store*

    Of Dirty Mouths And Dirtier Assumptions

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout

    (I am serving a mother and her teenage daughter. There is a limited edition version of a popular type of gum. The daughter picks up a packet.)

    Customer: *looking outraged* “I’m not buying you condoms!” *slaps the gum out of her hands*

    Customer’s daughter: *embarrassed* “They’re not condoms!”

    Customer: “Or…whatever they are!”

    Customer’s daughter: “It’s gum!”

    Customer: *embarrassed*

    Customer’s daughter: *even more embarrassed and turning bright red*

    Both of them: *hurriedly pay and leave, without the gum*

    Whiney Wine

    | Wiltshire, UK | Uncategorized

    (I work in a supermarket with a reputation for having an upper middle class customer base. It is a very, very busy Saturday and I’m trying to run people through as quickly as possible. Note I’m underage and can’t sell alcohol without the permission of a supervisor.)

    Me: “I’ll just page someone of age to ring the wine through. Is it okay for me to do everything else first?”

    Customer: “Whatever, just get on with it.”

    (I start ringing everything else through, watching out for my supervisors. All of them are busy dealing with other customers and situations.)

    Customer: “Do the wine now.”

    Me: “Madam, I can scan it, but I can’t allow you to pay for it until it’s been run through by my supervisor.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not? Just run it through!”

    Me: “I’m 17, madam. It’s against the law for me to buy or sell alcohol and I don’t have the option to bypass the supervisor authorization even if I wanted to.”

    Customer: “So you don’t want to?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “You don’t want to get someone to do it, do you?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t understand–”

    (Before I know it, the woman has turned around and stormed up to another employee, who isn’t from the section and is also underage.)

    Customer: “There you are! I’ve been waiting forever for someone to do this alcohol because that girl won’t do it! Now, get over here and do it!”

    Coworker: “Madam, I’m not from this section. I’m just collecting trolleys. I can’t process your alcohol.”

    (The customer storms around the checkouts hunting for someone else, as I sit mortified at my till. Eventually, she finds one of the supervisors. After a barrage of anger, her alcohol is processed.)

    Page 31/50First...2930313233...Last