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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Talking Turkey

    | United Kingdom |

    (A customer rings the store on Christmas eve to speak to the meat manager.)

    Caller: “I’ve bought this turkey from you and there’s no meat on the breast. How am I supposed to feed everyone tomorrow?”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, can I just ask you to check you haven’t put
    the bird in the oven upside down?”

    Caller: “I know how to roast a bloody turkey!”

    *sound of footsteps*

    *sound of oven door opening*

    *sound of oven door closing*

    *sound of footsteps*

    *sound of phone hanging up*

    Contractions Speak Louder Than Words

    | Manchester, UK | Top

    Me: “Hello sir, how can I help?”

    Customer: “I want to make a complaint about the lady who just served my wife. She is 8 months pregnant. When she came to pay, the checkout girl didn’t offer to help with the packing. She let my wife struggle!”

    Me: “I’m really sorry. It’s store policy to ask if the customer needs help with the packing. Do you have the receipt so I can see who served her?”

    (I walk over to the till and show the checkout girl the receipt. She explains what happened. I return to the customer.)

    Me: “Hi sir, the checkout girl explained that your wife was on her phone at the till. She asked a few times if she needed help packing but she didn’t answer. I’m confident we did all we could to help.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s not good enough. I want some money back on the shopping for the poor service. My wife is pregnant and in a lot of pain and had to struggle on her own. No one helped her.”

    Me: “This receipt is from a few minutes ago. Can I ask where you were?”

    Customer: “I sat in the car waiting for her to come back. What’s that got to do with anything?”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Blind To Reason

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Top

    (A customer walks in with a small dog in her purse.)

    Me: “Excuse me, miss, but you can’t have your dog in here. You’ll need to leave it in your car.”

    Customer: “Why? Chanel is my baby! There is no way I could leave her in my car!”

    Me: “Miss, having your dog in here is unsanitary. She has to go back into your car before you can shop.”

    Customer: “That is so dumb! Let me speak to your manager!”

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem, miss?”

    Customer: “This girl says I can’t have my dog in here! But I totally should be allowed to. Babies are allowed in, and Chanel is my baby!”

    Manager: “Babies are a different story, miss.”

    Customer: “My dog could die if I leave her in the car!”

    (A clearly blind man now comes in with his seeing eye dog.)

    Customer: “You let that guy with his dog in! This is sexual discrimination!”

    Manager: “Miss, that man is blind. We can’t tell him to leave his dog outside.”

    Customer: “So, only blind people can have their dogs in the store?”

    Manager: “That’s right.”

    (The customer leaves, and my manager disappears. 10 minutes later, the customer returns. She is wearing sunglasses and has her dog on a leash.)

    Me: “Miss, I’ve already told you this. You need to leave your dog in your car.”

    Customer: “But I’m blind and this is my seeing dog!”

    Me: “You weren’t blind 10 minutes ago, and you aren’t blind now. Please leave, or I will have you escorted out.”

    Customer: “Fine, I’ll shop somewhere else! God, you people are so dumb!”

    Short Changed In The Intelligence Department

    | Netherlands |

    Me: “That’ll be 21 euros, please.”

    (The customer hands me a 50 euro bill.)

    Me: “Would you have a 1 euro coin with that?”

    Customer: “No, only 2 euros.”

    Me: “Yes, please. That’ll be fine too.”

    (The customer hands me two one euro coins.)

    A Real Oxymoron

    | New York, NY, USA |

    (I’m putting a sale sign above a cooler containing shrimp when a customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Jumbo shrimp? That’s funny.”

    Me: “Yeah it’s kind of an oxymoron, huh?”

    Customer: “What the h*** did you just call me?”

    Me: “An oxymoron is an English term, sir.”

    Customer: “I don’t care if it’s a French term! Nobody insults me and gets away with it!”

    (The customer suddenly grabs me and puts me into a tackle. He held me in it for a good 30 seconds before coworkers arrived to help!)


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