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    You (Could Have) Had Me At Hello

    | Freeland, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I’m an employee stocking the shelf at one end of an aisle. A customer enters at the far end by the milk and is coughing constantly.)

    Customer: *coughs*

    (I briefly glance over. She’s staring at the milk.)

    Customer: *coughs again*

    (There’s a long pause. She’s still staring at the milk.)

    Customer: *loud coughing*

    (I turn to see if she is covering her mouth, but instead see her charging down the aisle at me.)

    Customer: “What is wrong with you?! I’ve been coughing to get your attention down there for five minutes! ”

    Me: “Ma’am, I glanced over at you several times. You never looked at me.”

    Customer: “Oh, yes I did! What does a person have to do here, fall on the floor and have a seizure to get some milk?!”

    A Pregnant Pause For Thought

    | Norwich, UK |

    Customer: “Where are the pregnancy test kits?”

    Me: “Over there, by the condoms.”

    Customer: “If I knew where the condoms were, I wouldn’t need the pregnancy test!”

    Related:
    A Not So Pregnant Pause For Thought

    Cash Back, Government Style, Part 2

    | Southampton, UK |

    (We have a pay-point for customers who pay for their gas and electricity on a pay-as-you-go plan.)

    Me: “Hi there, how can I help?”

    (The customer pushes £20 note and a gas card into my hand.)

    Customer: “I want £10 back.”

    Me: “So you want £10 on the gas with £10 change?”

    Customer: “No, I want £20 on the gas and £10 cash-back. You know, cash-back? Like from the till?

    Me: “I’m afraid we only offer cash-back when you’re paying with a debit card.”

    Customer: “I don’t have a debit card, can’t you do it anyway?”

    Me: “No, cash-back is money taken from your debit account. Like it’s from an ATM.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand.”

    Me: “Well, you’re asking for £10 cash-back without paying for it from an account. You’re basically asking for me to give you free money.”

    Customer: “Isn’t that how it works?”

    Related:
    Cash Back, Government Style

    I Put A Cell On You

    | Auckland, New Zealand | At The Checkout

    (I have just finished helping out this really nice, elderly lady.)

    Customer: “Oh, and do you happen to know the date?”

    Me: “I will just look–”

    (I start to pull out my mobile phone.)

    Customer: *excitedly* “Ooh! You’re pulling out your little magic box!”

    Some Recipes Contain No Margarine For Error

    | Melbourne, Australia | Extra Stupid

    Customer: “Hi, could you point me in the direction of the butter?”

    Me: “Of course, its just over here.”

    Customer: “Do you have these in liquid form? Like watery?”

    Me: “I’m not sure what you mean, did you want cream?”

    Customer: “No, no, like liquid butter?”

    (At this point I look at the customers shopping list, its a recipe list for pancakes and it clearly says ‘melted butter’.)

    Me: “You want to buy melted butter? You know you can just make that right?”

    Customer: “Oh really? You actually make it yourself? How do you do that?”

    Me: “You just put regular butter in a hot pan and it melts.”

    Customer: “Wow! That’s fantastic! Thank you so much!”


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