October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Doesn’t Go Quite So Well With Jelly

| AZ, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(Sunday morning working in the beer and wine section of a busy supermarket stocking bottles of wine.)

Customer: “Excuse me; can you help me find some peanut grease?”

Me: *a little tired, thinking the customer perhaps meant peanut oil or something* “Peanut grease? I’m not sure if we stock that but if we do it would probably be in the baking aisle.”

Customer: “Baking? I don’t want to cook with it; I want to drink it.”

Me: *nonplussed* “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for something dry but still a little sweet and I read on a website that peanut grease would be a good one to try.”

Me: *the penny drops* “Oh, pinot gris! Yes, we have that right over here…”

(I proceeded to help him pick out a few nice bottles. One of the better customers I’ve dealt with to be honest but I can’t go past that completely brilliant mangling of pronunciation.)

Gives New Meaning To The Pink Dollar

| ACT, Australia | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Money

(At the store I work at, we sell gift cards for a certain popular online music store, with pre-set values of $20, $30, and $50. To help tell the difference between the cards, they are colour-coded, with $20 being pink, $30 being blue, and $50 being green. One day, an old lady comes up to my register with a $20 card.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but do you have these $20 cards in blue?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, the $20 [Music Store] gift cards only come in pink.”

Customer: “Are you sure? I really would like a blue $20 [Music Store] card.”

Me: “All the $20 cards are pink, I’m afraid. Why were you after a blue card in particular?”

Customer: “Well, I want to buy this card for my grandson’s birthday, but I can’t get him a PINK card. That’s a girl’s colour! He’s a boy; he needs a BLUE card!”

(The customer is a bit grumpy at this point, and I am a bit put off by her gender stereotyping, but I try to remain polite and helpful.)

Me: “Oh. Well, as I said, we unfortunately do not have blue $20 [Music Store] cards.”

Customer: *disappointed* “I see.” *pause* “Are you sure you don’t have any blue ones out the back?”

Me: “Positive, ma’am. The $30 [Music Store] cards are blue. You could spend and extra $10 and get one of those.”

Customer: *outraged* “$30?! I love my grandson, but not that much!”

Taking The Ham-Fisted Approach

, | Australia | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink

(I work in a supermarket deli, and whilst we’ve never had any real problem customers, we do get plenty who come across as a little dim. One of my coworkers is getting sick of it.)

Coworker: “I don’t get it. How many people can there possibly be who can’t just READ the labels?”

(At this point, a customer walks up.)

Customer: “I want that ham.”

Coworker: “Sorry, which one?”

Customer: *points* “That ham.”

Coworker: “I can’t see where you’re pointing.”

Customer: *points again* “That ham.”

Coworker: “I can’t see where you’re pointing. Which ham are you pointing to?”

Customer: *rolls eyes* “That ham.”

(My coworker indicates to the top of the case, which is metal, she starts talking very slowly.)

Coworker: “See this? This is metal. I can’t see through metal! You’re going to have to READ the label.”

Customer: *points frantically* “Right there! That ham!”

(At this point, my coworker gives up, grabs a random ham, weighs it up and hands it to the customer, who snatches it and walks away. My coworker turns to me, wide-eyed.)

Coworker: “I’ll be surprised if I don’t get a complaint for that…”

Me: *shakes head* “You’re crazy.”

(After that outburst she was in a much better mood. She never did get a complaint but she scared herself into being a little more patient after that.)

Please Use It Anywhere But Here

| NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(I’m working as a cashier when I have a customer who is ready to pay for her order.)

Me: “Your total is [total].”

Customer: “I have this [Other Retail Store] gift card I’d like to use first.”

Me: “Does it say Visa, Mastercard, etc. on the card? Those kinds of gift cards you can use here, otherwise it’s just a card for [Other Retail Store].”

Customer: “Well, this thing says I can use this card anywhere for gas and groceries.”

(The customer has a MasterCard credit card from the other retail store and it looks as though she received the gift card as a reward for getting enough points on it.)

Me: “That gift card is only useable at [Other Retail Store].”

Customer: “It says right here I can use this anywhere.”

(I look at the holder that the gift card was in. While it says you can use your card anywhere, it obviously applies to the credit card, not the gift card.)

Me: “No, it’s saying you can use your [Other Retail Store] credit card anywhere. I’m guessing you got this gift card as a reward from getting enough points on your credit card.”

Customer: “No, I can use this anywhere. Get me your manager.”

Me: “Okay, but I’m telling you right now she’s going to say the same thing I’m telling you.”

(I call my manager and ask her to come over immediately. The customer explains what her issue is.)

Manager: “Ma’am, my cashier is right. You can’t use this gift card here. It says here you can use your MasterCard anywhere and you got this gift card as reward to use at [Other Retail Store].”

(They go back and forth for a minute and for a brief second I think maybe the customer gets it… I was wrong.)

Customer: “You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ll call [Other Retail Store] and prove that I can use this gift card here!”

Scratch-Off Your Name On The Pool

| CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

(I’ve recently been promoted from cashier to the customer service desk, where all lottery tickets and tobacco products are sold. The coworker training me has just stepped away when a middle-aged woman comes up to the counter and is staring at the scratch-off tickets.)

Customer: “Give me twenty $5 scratchers, please. I don’t care which kind, just give me a variety.”

(She opens up a thick envelope full of cash and gives me a $100 bill. I tear off two each of the ten different games we sell and give them to her, wishing her luck. She takes a quarter out of her purse, moves to the end of the counter, and starts scratching off all her tickets, throwing the losers away and setting aside a winner. She holds it out to me silently and I scan it through the machine.)

Me: “Wow, you won $50!”

Customer: “Okay, give me ten more $5 tickets.”

(I’m surprised but I do as she asks. She scratches off all of those, too, wins $20, and uses it for more tickets. This continues twice more until she has no more winners and no more tickets. She slams down the stack of losers, yells ‘d*** it!’ and walks away with nothing. My coworker is returning from break just as she’s leaving.)

Coworker: “Was that the scratcher lady? Awesome, your first encounter!”

(My coworker reaches under the counter and grabs a little notepad and pencil.)

Coworker: “How much cash did she give you?”

Me: “Well, she won a few times but she gave me $100 that first time. What’s her deal?”

Coworker: *excitedly writing in the pad* “Until a few months ago, she didn’t come in here much. But then, one day, she won $10,000 from a scratch-off ticket!”

Me: “Wow, that’s pretty cool. So I guess she’s trying for more, huh?”

Coworker: “Yeah, you could say that. She does this a few times a week and every time she goes through all the winners until she’s lost it all. We’ve been keeping a running tally and had a pool going over when she quits. I bet on 2,000 but got eliminated a long time ago. Let’s see…” *looking at the notepad* “Of the $10,000 she won, she’s now spent $9,200 of it on more tickets!”

(By the time she stopped showing up months later, everyone in the pool had been eliminated, because no one came close to guessing that she’d spend over $13,000 on scratch-off tickets without bringing home a single winner.)

Page 3/5312345...Last