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    Free KiWiFi

    | Australia | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (As we fill the bunks in the fresh produce department off loaded trolleys, we often get customers asking if they can take items directly off the trolley instead of the display. Of course, we tell them yes.)

    Me: *cheerfully filling kiwi fruit*

    Customer: *takes one off the trolley* “Can I take this?”

    Me: “Of course.”

    Customer: *kiwi fruit in hand, strolls out of the store*

    Me: *stunned*

    (Now I always remember to say ‘only if you pay for it.’ Thanks, random customer, for making me sound like a b**** to all the paying customers.)

    A War Veteran Ally

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Military, Spouses & Partners

    (We have a regular customer who is a WW II veteran, at least 90-years-old, and lives alone. He prides himself on being cantankerous. I always make an effort to be nice to him so that he’ll have no excuse for throwing his food on the belt, insulting us, etc. I’m a young woman, and I wear a LGBT-rainbow bracelet to work.)

    Me: *while ringing up items* “Good morning, sir. How are you today?”

    Customer: “You’re nice to me. Most people aren’t, you know.”

    Me: “Well, you served our country. That seems a pretty good reason to be nice to you. Alrighty, sir, your total today is $13.95.”

    Customer: “Good. I’ve got enough left over to take you out to lunch.”

    Me: “You’ll have to check with my girlfriend on that.”

    Customer: *as he pulls out money* “Are you lookin’? Don’t look!”

    (This is a regular thing with him. I just smile and look away, holding out my hand for the money. My bracelet is in plain sight.)

    Customer: “I don’t like a suspicious woman!”

    Me: *deliberately, but lightly* “Neither does my girlfriend. Good thing I’ve been faithful to her the whole two years we’ve been together.”

    (Customer finishes handing me the money.  I ring him up, then give him the change and the receipt. My bagger is stifling laughter.)

    Customer: “You know I’m only gonna get worse if you let me.”

    Me: “I’ll let my girlfriend know, but I think you’re pretty harmless.”

    Customer: “And I think you’re pretty, especially when you smile.”

    Me: “Thank you. I’ll have to tell my girlfriend that! You have a good day, sir.”

    Customer: “Don’t tell me what to do!” *grins and scooters off*

    Bagger: “I don’t think he gets it.”

    Me: “He treated me exactly the same as he would if I’d mentioned a boyfriend. Who knows, maybe he’s an LGBT ally!”

    A Lost Lost Cause

    | IN, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I work at a supermarket service desk. I have just clocked in when a customer comes up and I greet her and ask what I could do for her, per usual.)

    Customer: “Yes, I’ve lost my sunglasses. Has anyone turned them in?”

    Me: “Let me check for you, ma’am. What do they look like?”

    Customer: *irrationally irate and screams* “SUNGLASSES!”

    Me: “Yes, but what do they look like? Like, the color of the frames, or if they’re name brand?”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t know! You don’t know if they’re back there? They’re like a tortoise-shell color, like the brown and black design!”

    Me: “Okay. Let me check for you.”

    (I check my drawer below my register and only see some reading glasses and a pair of children’s sunglasses.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but they don’t seem to be here.”

    Customer: “Well, I left them in the restroom and they’re not THERE!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. They’re not here at the moment, but if you’d like I can take your name and num—”

    Customer: “So you KNOW they’re not back there?”

    Me: “Yes. There are no sunglasses that fit your description back here, but if you’d—”

    Customer: “So. YOU KNOW!? You have that authority? Who are you? Who are you?! What’s your name?”

    Me: “I am [My Name], but yes, I’ve looked in any area your glasses may be and they’re not here.”

    Customer: “And you KNOW this?”

    Me: “Yes. If you’d like I can take your information down and we can call you if they are turned in. Sometimes items aren’t turned in until someone has finished shopping and—”

    Customer: “I know that! Do I seem stupid?”

    (She then walked off without giving me her information.)

    Please Be Civil To Partnerships

    | Bury St. Edmunds, England, UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Top

    (I’m male. I’m chatting away to Customer #1 whilst scanning her items. We are talking about cakes.)

    Customer #1: “My husband doesn’t like the walnut one.”

    Me: *laughing* “Nor does my boyfriend. It means I can eat as much as I want in front of him and not have to sha—”

    Customer #1: “Your boyfriend? That’s disgusting. I didn’t realise [Company] hired your type!”

    (At this point, Customer #2, a sweet little old lady who has been waiting in the queue, speaks up.)

    Customer #2: “You leave him alone! He’s been nothing but helpful and you were happy to chat to him when you thought he was straight. Besides, I’ve seen him and his boyfriend in town, and he’s bloody gorgeous!”

    Customer #1: “Well! I never!”

    (She pays and flounces away.)

    Customer #2: *to me* “You tell that boyfriend of yours that I think you two look very happy together and may you be together a long time.”

    Me: “Thank you! I will!”

    (Months later, when my boyfriend and I decided to get a civil partnership, Customer #2 screamed with joy when I told her!)

    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 5

    | Dallas, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a customer in this story, standing next in line while the person ahead is being attended to.)

    Cashier: “Okay, sir. Your total is [amount].”

    Customer: “Fine.”

    (The customer pauses and doesn’t move to get his wallet.)

    Cashier: “Sir. Cash or credit?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry. Are you paying with cash, check, or credit card today?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Cashier: “For your groceries, how would you like to pay for them?”

    Customer: “I don’t get it. I only have a debit card.”

    Cashier: “That’s fine. We accept debit as well. Just slide it through the machine here.”

    Customer: “But it’s asking for a credit card. I don’t carry credit cards. People steal those all the time.”

    Cashier: “Sir, the machine will take both credit and debit. I you just follow the prompts…”

    Customer: “I don’t know. It’s asking for a credit card. I refuse to use one.”

    Cashier: “I can 100% guarantee you, sir, that the machine will read your debit card. After you swipe your card, select ‘debit’ and you’ll be done.”

    Customer: *motions to his groceries* “I can’t pay for these with a debit card. What kind of a business is this that doesn’t accept debit?”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t mean to interrupt, but I shop here weekly. They do accept debit cards. Open your eyes and read the machine prompt. It clearly has a DEBIT option.”

    Customer: “It says credit. I don’t have credit!”

    Me: “It’s that green button on the right labeled DEBIT. If you can’t see it, then I don’t think anyone here can help you.”

    (At this point the customer walks out and leaves eight full bags of groceries behind, muttering how confused he was that the store didn’t accept debit cards. The cashier has to load the bags into a cart and wait on another associate before ringing me up.)

    Me: “That probably happens way more often than it really should.”

    Cashier: “We have a pool going to see how high we can hit in a week. So far I’m at five and it’s only Wednesday.”

    Related:
    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 4
    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 3
    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 2

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