November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Makes You Very GLAD(os)

| HI, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule

(I work for a local supermarket chain. We give out reward coupons after customers spend a certain amount that you can use for a number of things. One of these is a special item that changes each week. I notice my next customer is wearing a Portal shirt.)

Me: “Welcome to the Aperture Science [Store] Register. If you successfully finish this transaction and have a reward, there will be cake.”

Customer: *laughs* “The cake is a lie!”

Me: “Not so, sir.” *points to flier* “The reward this week is free cheesecake.”

Customer: *stares* “Seriously?”

Me: “Yup.”

Customer: “Could I… get one right now?”

Me: “If you have a reward, certainly.”

(Customer then proceeded to sprint off to grab a cheesecake and came back exclaiming “The cake’s not a lie!”)

The Mother Of All Customers

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bizarre, Family & Kids

(I am helping a customer with her two children carry shopping bags out to her car.)

Customer: *to child* “Be careful on the road, sweety! Oh, here’s my car.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Have a lovely day!”

Customer: *in a babying tone* “Thank you, sweety. Be careful walking back.” *pats me on the head*

Me: “…”

Mother: “I’ve been spending way too much time with my kids.”

Be Christian Or Have The Devil To Pay

| UT, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Religion

(I’m a cashier at a large supermarket. There are small charity donation tins at each register; upon receiving their change, customers often deposit their change in these tins.)

Me: “Okay, so your total is $28.40. How will you be paying today?”

Customer: “Cash.” *hands me $30*

Me: “Here’s your $1.60 change. Thank you, and have a nice day!”

Customer: “Wait. You aren’t one of those Satanists, are you?”

Me: “Umm… no? Why?”

Customer: “Good, I just wanted to be sure before donating.”

(The customer puts the change in the charity tin, smiling smugly and dripping with pomp. I feel somewhat unimpressed that this person was going to choose whether to donate or not based purely on my religious preferences rather than out of any kind of human decency or concern for the charity in question.)

Me: “Of course, I’m not a Christian either.” *waving cheerily as the customer backs away in horror and disgust* “Have a lovely day!”

Cheerily Getting Her Way

, | Australia | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(A man comes shopping with his adorable five year old daughter, and this happens as I’m serving him. Note: For those who don’t know, “cheerios” is a common name for cocktail frankfurts, which kids love.)

Customer: “I’ll have 250g of that ham, please.”

(The whole time I’m weighing and wrapping, his daughter is trying to get his attention.)

Daughter: “Daaad. Dad. Cheerios, dad. Daaaaad…”

Me: *hands over item* “Anything else?”

Daughter: “Cheerios?”

Customer: *smiling but still ignoring her* “Also a half kilo of chicken thighs.”

Daughter: *hands on hips, looking at her father, but it was clear that she wanted me to hear her words* “Daddy, did you say CHEERIOS?”

Me: *as I weigh and wrap* “She has the most adorable little attitude. Anything else?”

Customer: “And a half kilo of cheerios… I’m going to have to watch out for her when she’s older, she’s too cute to say no to!”

Me: “I think she knows it, too!”

(The girl took the cheerios from me with a smug grin.)

Denser Than The Dough

, | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work in the bakery department of a rather large supermarket chain. We are one of the few remaining chains in the area with a fresh bakery: our breads are made from scratch every morning. We have a particularly smug customer who always thinks he is right about everything. Normally he complains about the prices on products, expecting the prices to never change… ever.)

Customer: “Do you have any Mountain Bread?”

(This type of bread is a round loaf cut in a particular way with flour on top to make it look like the snow on a mountain. It is extremely popular.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we ran sold out of that today. But if you would like to buy this loaf here—” *I gesture to an Italian loaf* “—it is the exact same bread. It is just a different shape.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t! It tastes completely different. The dough is nothing alike!”

Me: “I assure you sir, they are exactly the same.”


Me: “And I know MY bread as I made these both this very morning, and I assure you the dough for both is made in one giant batch. We set aside some of it to make into round Mountain loafs and some of it to be set aside for the more standard Italian loaves. It is the exact same dough; the only difference is that the Mountain bread gets flour on top. That is it.”


Me: *fed up* “How about you try a piece?”

(I take a loaf from the shelf and offer him a slice. He takes the slice and takes a bite.)

Customer: “…I guess it is close… BUT IT’S NOT THE SAME!” *he takes a loaf and leaves*

Me: *to a coworker* “What part of I MADE THIS and IT COMES FROM THE SAME BATCH was so hard to understand?”

Coworker: “Some people are just dense…”

(The customer still shops in my store, though he hasn’t had any big issues like this in quite some time.)