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    You Twin Some, You Lose Some

    | UK |

    (A customer comes to a sample stand.)

    Me: “Would you like to try some noodles?”

    Customer: “Sure. Wow, this is so tasty.”

    (A very similar looking customer comes in 15 minutes later. He is in a different shirt and pants.)

    Customer: “Oh, good. There’s still some noodles left. Can I try some too?”

    Me: “Didn’t you just try it? It’s one per customer.”

    Customer: “That was my twin brother. We live right across the street and he told me about the noodles.”

    Me: “Wow, so both you and your brother have a bandage on that hand?”

    Customer: “Uh…” *walks away*

    Leave Your Baggage At The Checkout

    | Perth, Australia | Top

    (I am checking out a customer.)

    Customer #1: “No, no, no! I want the fruit in a separate bag.”

    Me: “No problem. I was just going to do that anyway.”

    Customer #1: “No, I want them separate. They’ll get squashed.”

    Me: “So, separate from each other?”

    Customer #1: “Yes, of course! Or they’ll get bruised.”

    (By this point, the customer has been rude enough. I put each piece of fruit in its own individual bag while he pays. When he has rushed off, both I and the next customer notice he has left three of the four bags of fruit behind.)

    Me: “Sorry, just be a second.”

    (I run to a coworker not on register.)

    Me, to coworker: “The previous customer left these behind. He’s wearing a red cap and a black t-shirt, heading out the exit by the bank.”

    Coworker: “On it!” *dashes off*

    Customer #2: “After all that fuss, and he forgot about it!”

    Me: “The sad thing is, I’d put money on it somehow being my fault.”

    Customer #2: “No, surely not?! It was sitting on the bench, plain as day.”

    Me: “You’d be surprised, really. Most people are rational, but in this job you really do get to see all types. Some people just can’t take responsibility for their own actions, and we’re easy targets for blame.”

    Customer #2: “That’s sad, but you’ve got me as a witness!” *smiles*

    (The first customer storms back to my register.)

    Customer #1: “You stole my shopping! Where is it? You kept it to make me look like a fool!”

    Me: “It’s okay. It’s right here.”

    (I hand over the bags, smiling.)

    Customer #1: “Where were they? You hid them behind the register?”

    Customer #2: “No, they were right there on the bench with the rest of your shopping.”

    Customer #1: “Oh. I thought you’d forgotten to pick them up from back there.”

    Customer #2: “They sent someone after you, too.”

    Me: “It’s fine. It looks like you were in a rush. Have a good day!”

    (The first customer scurries off grumbling and clutching his bags.)

    Customer #2: “I thought you were just kidding! I had no idea people could be so stupid! And so very rude to you for his own mistake! I’d never blame any of you for something like that.”

    Me: “I know. That’s what makes you one of the good ones!”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 11

    | England, UK |

    Me: “That will be [total].”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (The customer puts in their debit card.)

    Me: “Would you like cash-back?”

    Customer: “Yes. I would like £10, please.”

    Me: “Okay. Enter your pin, please.”

    (The customer enters his pin. We wait for it to be verified.)

    Customer: “I have a question. What is cash-back?”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 10
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 9
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 8
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 7
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 6
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 5
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 4
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 3
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession

    Sweet Spice

    | London, UK |

    (I work on the pizza counter at a large supermarket chain. We make individual pizzas for the customer.)

    Customer: “I’d like some jelly babies.”

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t put jelly babies on pizzas. What else can
    I get you?”

    Customer: *pause* “Jelly babies, please.”

    Me: “Sir, we do not serve jelly babies here.”

    (This continues for quite awhile.)

    Customer: “I’d like some jelly babies.”

    Me: “We do not sell jelly babies!”

    (The customer then angrily points to an ingredient on the counter.)

    Me: “Sir, those are jalapeños.”

    What Came First, The Idiot Or The Egg

    | Tasmania, Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal

    (After scanning some eggs I open the box look inside and close it again.)

    Customer: “Why are you looking it the egg carton?”

    Me: “I’m checking to make sure there are no broken ones.”

    Customer: “Oh, I thought it was to make sure people weren’t stealing stuff by hiding it in the eggs…”

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