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    Spare Change For Cheap Thrills

    | NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

    (I am a cashier in a grocery store. I have just rung up an elderly man’s groceries. Keep in mind this man is around 80 years old.)

    Me: “Your total is $52.83, sir.”

    Customer: *holds out hand full of change* “Can you pick out the right amount for me, honey?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    (I carefully start counting out change from his open hand.)

    Customer: “It’s okay. I’ll let you touch my hand so I can get a thrill. Even at 80, I still get thrills, you know!”

    Me: *speechless*

    The Joy Of Sex(ism), Part 4

    | Nashville, TN, USA |

    (Back in 1990, my mom worked at a coffee chain. She had never given incorrect change for the year she worked there. On her last day of work, a customer orders a $0.90 drink, and the total comes out to $0.99. He hands her a $1, leaves, and comes back 5 minutes later.)

    Customer: “You b****, you gave me the wrong change!”

    Cashier: “Well–”

    Customer: *yelling* “I want to see the manager!”

    Manager: *walks in* “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

    Customer: “This dumba** woman gave me the wrong change! I gave her a $20 and she only gave me 1 cent back!”

    Manager: *looking at cashier* “Give him $19 to make up the difference!”

    Cashier: “But, he paid with a sing–”

    Manager: “I said, give him back his money. God, women are so bad at math.”

    (The cashier hands over the money. At the end of the day, she was fired for being exactly $19 short.)

    Related:
    The Joy Of Sex(ism), Part 3
    The Joy Of Sex(ism), Part 2
    The Joy Of Sex(ism)

    There Is No Expiration On Your Stupidity

    | Midlands, UK | At The Checkout

    (A customer comes to the till with a large bottle of milk.)

    Customer: “Hello, I’d like to return this. It’s expired.”

    Me: “It says on the receipt that you bought it last week.”

    Customer: “Yes, but I haven’t used it. It’s expired.”

    Me: “The expiration date is yesterday. It was well in date when you bought it.”

    Customer: “Yes, but I didn’t use it, so you have to give me a refund.”

    Me: “I’m afraid we can’t give a refund for that. It was within date when you bought it.”

    Customer: “Well, can’t you change it, at least?”

    Me: “You want to swap some expired milk for fresh milk?”

    Customer: “No, just change the label so it’s in date again.”

    The Avocado Monologues

    | Sydney, Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I am stacking the oranges, which is next to the shelf of avocados. A very well-dressed woman in her 40s comes over and starts feeling the avocados while talking to herself loudly.)

    Customer: “Wouldn’t you just hate to be an avocado?”

    (The woman continues feeling up the avocados.)

    Customer: “Hmm. You know what? That’s actually my biggest fear. Becoming an avocado.”

    All Fingers And Thumbs (Well, Mostly Thumbs)

    | Edinburgh, UK |

    (While working at a large chain supermarket, a regular named Joe comes in acting strangely.)

    Me: “Hey Joe, you’re not looking well, mate. Something up?”

    Joe: “Yeah, I’m not too good. I had an accident at home and I need to go to the hospital. Just got the wife to stop here first for a few things.

    Me: “Oh, sorry, man. Hope everything’s okay.”

    Joe: “Im sure I’ll be fine. Can I have a bottle of [vodka], please?”

    Me: “Sure thing. £7.99, please.”

    (Joe then reaches for his wallet. Upon pulling it out, he also drops a freshly severed thumb onto my till, covering everything in blood. I then notice his hand is taped inside a sandwich bag, which, by now, is full of blood.)

    Me: “Holy s***!

    Joe: “Yeah, that’ll teach the b**** for making me cook dinner!”

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