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    Satisfaction Is Surely Assured

    | Lancaster, PA, USA | At The Checkout

    (At the supermarket where I work, we have a store rewards card we can scan if the customer forgets theirs or doesn’t have one.)

    Me: “Do you have your bonus card?”

    Customer: “No. Could I use the store card, please?”

    Me: “Surely.”

    Customer: “Don’t call me Shirley!” *laughs* “I’ve waited for years to make that joke!”

    Me: “I’m glad I could help you live out that fantasy!”

    With Each (Not) Passing Day

    | Cornwall, UK | At The Checkout

    (I’m working on the checkout. An elderly man who must be around 80 brings his shopping to my till. He unloads his shopping on the belt whilst whistling and singing to himself.)

    Me: “Good morning, sir. You seem awfully jolly today.”

    Customer: “Well, at my age…it’s just nice to be f***ing alive!”

    Me: *laughs*

    The Whole Is Less Than The Sum Of Its Pits

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Math & Science

    (I’m working at the checkout and have just weighed several peaches for a customer.)

    Customer: “Oh, wait, sorry…I have one more peach to weigh. Have you already weighed the others?”

    Me: “Yeah, but that’s okay. I’ll just weigh it separately.”

    Customer: “No, that’s not okay!”

    Me: “Why not?”

    Customer: “Because they would have weighed differently if they were put together. It would be less!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Weekend Roundup: A Day In An Employee’s Life

    , , , | Not Always Right | Roundups

    A Day In An Employee’s Life. This week, we share five stories that share the ups and downs (well, mostly the latter) of being an employee. If you’ve ever wanted to share with a friend what your job is like, send them this roundup!

    1. Teaching The Next Generation:
      Fold…unfold…fold…unfold…It’s a wonder more clothing store employees haven’t gone crazy!
    2. A Time To Laugh, But Mostly A Time To Cry:
      This one will get you teary eyed: A customer’s precocious little girl leaves a big, smelly surprise in the changing room.
    3. Mrs. Understanding:
      Teach your children by example…the example of poor, suffering employees, that is.
    4. In This War, There Are No Winners:
      When they say “stick it to the man,” they probably weren’t referring to the guy stuck cleaning up your mess with a mop and a broom.
    5. Nothin’ Like A Good Old Existential Meltdown:
      Customers often ask stupid questions, but on occasion they can have profoundly earth-shattering ramifications.

    PS: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    No, It’s Because The Owner Is Stupid

    | London, UK | Pets & Animals

    (A man brings his dog into our supermarket.)

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, but there are no dogs allowed inside unless it is a service dog.”

    Customer: *with straight face* “It’s because my dog is black, isn’t it? I could sue you!”

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