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    Help Is On The Way

    | Oregon, USA | Musical Mayhem, Top

    (I’ve just gotten off work and am waiting behind the building for my friend to come pick me up. I’m listening to music but forgot my headphones, so it’s playing through the speaker. Two teenage girls, one wearing a Twilight shirt and another a Justin Bieber Shirt walk past me chatting. Accompanying them is who I assume is their younger brother, who is obviously not liking the conversation. He can’t be more than ten years old.)

    Teenager #1: *whispers to her friend about my music* “What awful tastes.”

    Teenager #2: *nods in agreement* “Freaks, I tell you.”

    (Instead of agreeing with the girls, the little kid stops and talks to me.)

    Little Kid: *to me* “What’s that?”

    Me: “Rise Against. They’re an awesome punk band.”

    Little Kid: “Thanks!” *catches up to the two teens with a smile*

    (I feel as though I did some good today.)

    Please Do Not Yank The Employees

    | New Jersey, USA | Wild & Unruly

    (I am working as a frozen food clerk in a supermarket. I have long hair. As I am stocking, I feel a tug on my pony tail.)

    Me: *turning around* “Um, can I help you with something?”

    Customer: “No, it’s okay. I just wanted to tug your hair!”

    Me: “Uh, okay. Thanks?”

    Related:
    Please Do Not Lather Up The Employees
    Please Do Not Creep Out The Employees
    Please Do Not Titillate The Employees
    Please Do Not Pet The Employees

    Thanks For Shopping At Las Saggy Knees

    | Peterborough, UK | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any las-ange?”

    Me: “Las-ange?”

    Customer: “Yes, it says on my list, ‘las-ange.’”

    (He shows me a shopping list with the word ‘lasagne’ written on it.)

    Me: *showing him lasagna* “Here’s the lasagna.”

    Customer: “No, no! That’s lasag-knee. I want las-ange.”

    Me: “Well, lasag-knee is the same as las-ange.”

    Customer: “Hmm, I’d better leave it. I don’t want to upset the misses by getting the wrong stuff!”

    These Aren’t The Bags I’m Looking For

    | England, UK | At The Checkout, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working New Years Eve on the tills when three rather older women come into the store. After I serve them, the door alarm goes off right after they leave. My manager goes to investigate.)

    Manager: “I’m sorry, ladies, but I’m going to need to check your bags and receipts in case you took something.”

    Woman #1: “No, we didn’t take anything. We swear!”

    Manager: “Well, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to ask you to come back into the store and your bags be searched.”

    Woman #1: “No, we haven’t stolen! Look!”

    (Suddenly, the women—all in their fifties at least—begin to lift up their long skirts and tops and pull down their bras a bit. Not finding anything, my manager lets them go and comes back into the store.)

    Manager: “Thank God I get to go home and get drunk soon. I need a stiff whiskey to get those images out of my head!”

    When Intelligences Cancel Out

    | New Zealand | At The Checkout, Money, Top

    (I am a checkout operator in a supermarket, and I have just finished ringing up a customer’s order. )

    Me: “So, that comes to a total of $36.76.  Is there anything else?”

    Customer: “I also want a $50 gift card.”

    (I add on the gift card and hand it to her.)

    Me: “Okay, now the total is $86.76. Will that be all today?”

    Customer: “Yes, thank you.”

    Me: “How would you like to pay for your order?”

    Customer: “I’d like to use this gift card.” *hands me the same $50 gift card that I just activated for her*

    Me: “Uh, you still need to pay for this gift card.”

    Customer: “Yes, but I’d like to pay for it with the gift card.”

    Me: “But the gift card is worth $50.  Your order is $86.76.”

    Customer: *rolls eyes* “Uh-huh, so just pay $50 of it with the gift card, and I’ll give you cash for the rest!”

    Me: “So that will take your total back to the original $36.76.”

    Customer: *looks at me like I’m stupid* “Duh!”

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