The Less-Errant Of Two Evils

| The Netherlands | Health & Body, Language & Words

(I’m a cashier at a supermarket and am checking out a customer. All cigarette packages have a warning on them.)

Customer: “I’d like [brand] cigarettes please.”

(I grab a package.)

Customer: “Oh no, not that one. I don’t like the text on it.”

Me: “Oh, you mean the, ‘Smoking is deadly’ text?

Customer: “Yes, get me one with a different text.”

(I grab another package.)

Me: “Okay… how about, ‘Smoking leads to a slow painful death’?”

Customer: “No, I don’t like that one either.”

Me: “Is, ‘Smoking increases the chance to get lung cancer’ fine, then?”

Customer: “Ah yes, that one is good!”

Branding Is All Smoke & Mirrors

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior

(The Australian government has recently made it law that all cigarette packages must be plain with no branding or colouring. A lot of people are angry over this and are taking it out on the cashiers.)

Customer #1: “…and can I get a pack of [brand cigarettes]?”

Employee: “Sure!”

(The employee fetches them and leaves them on the counter while she finishes ringing up the customer’s other items.)

Customer #1: “Hey! I said that I wanted [brand]. What’s this s***?!”

Employee: “That is [brand]; it’s just a different package.”

Customer #1: “Don’t you lie to me, you b****!”

(He then grabs them from the counter and hurls them at her, but they bounce off her and land on the ground. She calmly bends down to pick them up.)

Me: *to Customer #1* “Hey! What the h***, man?”

Employee: *turns to me* “It’s okay.” *turns to Customer #1* “Sir, can I show you something?”

(She gestures for the customer to look at the cigarettes.)

Employee: “This writing right here says [brand] Optimums, see? And this number right here says 25. So, this is [brand] Optimums 25s, which is what you asked for. Have a nice evening.”

(He storms out, and the next customer steps up. He’s been fiddling with his basket and looking impatient while the employee was dealing with the first customer.)

Customer #2: *quietly* “You’re doing a very good job dealing with jerks like that. I’ve never seen such patience and poise in a young woman such as yourself; they are very admirable qualities to have.”

Employee: *near tears* “Thank you.”

Customer #2: “Don’t let vicious people get you down. You’re just trying to do your job.”

(The manager, who had just returned from dealing with Customer #1 outside, overheard this gave Customer #2 his groceries for free for being a decent person!)

Counting To Eternity

| Birmingham, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Top

(I am working on the tills, and pretty bored when a transaction equals £12.34.)

Me: “That is…” *glances at screen* “…ha! One, two, three, four!”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Sorry, twelve-thirty four… one, two three, four. It just made me smile.”

Customer: “Wow! Has this ever happened before? That’s amazing.”

(As I rarely work the tills, this is actually the first time this has happened to me.)

Me: “This is the first time. We’ll remember this for the rest of our lives.”

Customer: “This is an unbreakable bond!”

Me: “Stronger than marriage, some would say!”

Customer: “You can’t divorce out of this!”

Me: “It’s eternal!”

(By now another customer behind is staring at us like we are mad.)

Customer: “I’m going to have to tell all my friends about this! Can you sign my receipt?”

Me: *signs his receipt*

Customer: *walks away, grinning*

Causing Infractions With Customers

| PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

Customer: “Give me about half pound of the all-beef salami.”

Me: “Sure thing, ma’am.”

(I slice up the salami. I’m usually pretty good at eyeballing the weight of a product, but when I put the sliced salami on the scale, it’s pretty underweight.)

Customer: “I think that will be enough. Is that less than a half pound?”

Me: “Yes, it’s about four-tenths.”

(The customer gives me a blank look.)

Me: “Four-tenths of a pound.”

Customer: “I don’t understand what that means.”

(The customer looks to her husband for help, but he looks as perplexed as she does and just shrugs.)

Customer: “Are you sure it’s less than half a pound?”

Me: “I’m positive, ma’am.”

Customer: “I don’t know…”

Me: “A half is five-tenths, right? Four-tenths is less than five-tenths.”

Customer: “I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

Me: “Okay, uh, well… what’s worth less, forty cents or fifty cents?”

Customer: “There’s no way all that salami only costs fifty cents!”

(She did eventually buy the four-tenths of a pound of salami at the listed price, though I doubt either she or her husband were convinced it was less than half a pound.)

Bigots And Sexists On Aisle 4

| RI, USA | Bigotry

(I work at a supermarket stocking shelves. I’m a relatively small girl; about five foot four and barely one hundred five pounds. Also, despite being in my early twenties, I look more like I’m fifteen. I have gone behind one of the registers to get a spray bottle.)

Customer: “Are you opening?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “I don’t work in this department.”

Customer: “What department do you work in?”

Me: “I work in grocery sir. I stock the shelves.”

Customer: “A girl like you shouldn’t be doing a man’s job. You should either be behind a register or in the bakery.”

Me: “Would you like me to call the store manager, sir? I’m sure she would be more than happy to assist you.”

Customer: *doesn’t say another word and walks off*

Me: “Have a nice day, sir!”

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