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    He Got Served While Getting Served

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Money, Top

    (A customer is debating the price of items with me. I have told him several times they are not on sale. This has taken almost ten minutes, and the people behind him are starting to look very annoyed.)

    Me: “Sir, I assure you those items are not on sale.”

    Customer #1: “You b****! They are too! You’re just trying to rob me! Where the h*** is your manager?”

    Me: “I am the manager on duty. ”

    Customer #1: *grabs my shirt collar* “That’s bulls***! Women can’t run stores. You’re too dumb! Especially your age!”

    (At that moment, another customer, Customer #2, intervenes. Note that Customer #2 is a petite lady in her late twenties, about as old as me. She stands on her toes, grabs Customer #1′s shoulder, and yanks him around. Then, she slaps him across the face.)

    Customer #1: *stunned* “Wh-wha? Who the h*** do you think you are?”

    Customer #2: “You work at [very successful local legal firm], right?”

    Customer #1: *nods*

    Customer #2: “Well, I own [very successful local legal firm], and you don’t work there anymore.”

    (Customer #1 finally recognizes Customer #2 and gets a horrified look of realization on his face. He sprints out of the store, leaving his groceries on the counter.)

    The Working Dead

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Awesome Customers, Bizarre

    (I am a cashier at a major supermarket. Two young men in their mid-twenties are nearby, arguing with each other about something.)

    Guy #1: “Well, let’s just ask her.”

    Guy #2: “No, we don’t need to ask anyone else!”

    Guy #1: *to me* “Hi, can I just ask you a question?”

    Guy #2: “No! Don’t ask her!”

    Me: “Um… sure?”

    Guy #1: “Okay, say there was a zombie apocalypse, where would you hide out? Here, or [Australia's largest household hardware chain]?”

    Me: “Um, probably here?”

    Guy #1: “See? I told you!”

    Guy #2: “But why? The [household hardware chain] has weapons and stuff, how are you going to fight the zombies without weapons?”

    Me: “Well, our supermarket has food, you can’t survive without food. And it has weapons too! We have knives and garden tools.”

    Guy #1: “Exactly!”

    Guy #2: “But [hardware store] has food too! They have a canteen!”

    Me: “But we have a better selection, and food can also be used as a weapon! Food fight!”

    Guy #2: “I give up.”

    Guy #1: “I like this girl. She’s smart! Come on, let’s ask somebody else.” *happily approaches next cashier*

    Guy #2: *upset* “No! I give up! Please stop asking!”

    Being The Bigger Man

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am standing in a line for a checkout at a supermarket, when I look over and see a family with two kids in another line. The kids are throwing stuff everywhere, tins, bottles, and jars. The cashier, a young girl, is frantically trying to calm them down. Note: I’m pretty big, about 6’3″ and broad, plus I have a black eye, cut nose and a cut across my lip from a sports match the day before.)

    Cashier: *to kids* “Please stop throwing things. Someone’s going to get hurt.”

    Father: “How dare you! You people just get off on telling other people what to do! You’re all just fascists, that’s what!”

    Cashier: “Look, I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but your kids are going to end up hurting someone, and then it’ll be a big problem for all of us.”

    Mother: “Are you threatening us?”

    Cashier: *looking shocked and confused* “No! Not at all. I’m just saying that it would be best if you asked your children to stop before someone gets hurt.”

    Father: “You’re still making threats! Either you stop with that right now or I swear to God I will give you a big problem! I’m going to make you sorry you were born, unless you shut the f*** up right now!”

    (I catch the cashier’s eye, and she looks hopeless. I bend down, pick up a tin thrown by one of the kids and quietly move to just behind the parents.)

    Me: “Excuse me.”

    (They spin round. The father is not that tall, about 5’10″, so he’s pretty much looking me in the neck. I point at my black eye and battered face.)

    Me: “One of your kids just hit me in the face. Is this a problem I should take up with you personally, or should I just call the police?”

    (I’m looming over him now, very much invading his personal space.)

    Father: “Oh, God, I’m sorry! I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

    Me: “I would recommend you apologise to the nice lady who’s been putting up with you for the last 10 minutes without calling the police. It seems she’s had far more to deal with than me!”

    Sticking It To Sticklers For Stickers

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Top

    (I’m a supermarket cashier and have 5 minutes left on my shift. I therefore put my “Closed” sign up as I finish with my current customers. However, a customer walks right past the sign and starts putting his items on the belt. Seeing as he only has a few items, I let it slide and serve him.)

    Me: “How are you today, sir?”

    Customer: “Fine…”

    Me: *begins ringing up his items*

    Customer: “Hey, my bread is supposed to be 50% off! It rang up full price!”

    (The customer shows me the pink “Reduction” sticker our store uses to discount certain items. This sticker was on the bottom of his bread.)

    Me: “Oh! No worries, sir. It’s an easy fix! Sorry about that.”

    (I proceed to void the bread, hit the “Reduction” key on my register, and then scan the bread again.)

    Customer: “How can you be a cashier if you’re going to miss obvious things like that! You shouldn’t be in the customer service industry if you’re going to be friggin’ oblivious! Gah, this is why I hate this store!”

    Me: “Sir… I’m only human. Human beings make mistakes and miss things sometimes, just like you missed my closed sign when you walked up to my cash. I, however, didn’t bother calling you out on it. Your total is $11.03.”

    Customer: *sheepishly looks at my sign* “…Debit.”

    Me: *big smile* “Have a WONDERFUL evening, sir.”

    Fiery Temperaments Can Lead To Explosive Situations

    | London, England, UK | Bizarre, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (In the UK the 5th of November is a holiday usually celebrated with fireworks, Since my birthday falls around this time, I usually do a fireworks party to celebrate. I’m 21 and have been doing firework displays since I was 18 and have done several pyrotechnic courses. I’m at the supermarket and have selected around £250 worth of fireworks. Note: Staff Member #1 is helping a gentleman in another aisle, while Staff Member #2 is sorting my fireworks out.)

    Staff Member #1: *to the gentleman* “Any fireworks for you today, sir?”

    Gentleman: *to Staff Member #1* “THESE ARE DANGEROUS AND SHOULD BE LOCKED UP AND DESTROYED!”

    Staff Member #2: *to me* “That’s £250. Since you have spent over £200, I can offer you a [name of firework].”

    (At this point, the gentleman turns on me.)

    Gentleman: *to me* “You little vandal! I bet you’re not even 18 and you’re going to blow someone up. We can only be lucky if it’s yourself.”

    Me: “Uh, right dude. I do have a pyrotechnic qualification, and I’m 21.”

    Gentleman: “Don’t lie to me! I know your sort!”

    (Suddenly, he lunges towards me. In the process, he knocks my fireworks off the counter onto the floor and proceeds to stamp on them. Now, anyone who knows fireworks knows that they are pretty stable, but chucking them around and stamping on them is a REALLY bad idea.)

    Me: “Are you f***ing crazy?! And you think I’m dangerous?!”

    (The gentleman shouts at me for a further two minutes before trying to leave, having destroyed the £250 worth of fireworks I just bought.)

    Me: “Hey, get back here! You just destroyed my fireworks!”

    Gentleman: “Too f***ing right I did!”

    (Thankfully, security managed to intercept him before he left. He was arrested and charged with damage to property and forced to pay me £300 in Compensation. The supermarket even supplied the fireworks for free. Best Birthday EVER!)

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