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    Not So Profound Profanities

    | UK | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

    (While waiting at the self-checkout tills, I overhear this conversation.)

    Customer #1: “This bloody till won’t work! Why won’t it scan my coupons?”

    (At this, an employee appears to help.)

    Employee: “Here we are, ma’am. You just put your coupons in this slot here and it should work.”

    (Suddenly, a middle-aged woman with a young daughter who are using another self-checkout pipes up.)

    Customer #2: *to Customer #1* “Excuse me, could you please refrain from using language like that in public? I don’t want my daughter picking up bad habits”.

    Customer #1: “Oh, of course!” *to Customer #2′s daughter* “I’m sorry, sweetie. Never ever use the word you heard me use just now…”

    Customer #2: “Thanks!”

    (Customer #2 smiles and gets back to scanning her items, but Customer #1 isn’t done speaking.)

    Customer #1: “…unless you’re really f***ed off, that is!”

    Aisle Always Need Directions, Part 4

    | Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’m stacking shelves next to the chip display when this happens. Note: The display is very large thus hard to miss.)

    Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if you could help me?”

    Me: “Of course. What can I do for you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I was wondering what aisle the chips are in?”

    (I’m a little stunned, as she is standing right next to them.)

    Me: “Um, just right there.” *points to chips*

    Customer: “No! I asked what AISLE they were in.”

    Me: “Um, ma’am you’re standing right—”

    Customer: “FOR F***’S SAKE! CAN YOU PLEASE JUST TELL ME WHAT AISLE THE CHIPS ARE IN?”

    Me: “A-Aisle 7.”

    Customer: “Thank you! Now was it really that hard?”

    (The customer arrives back at the display a few minutes later.)

    Customer: *grabs chips* “You could have f***ing told me I was standing right f***ing next to them! HONESTLY! What is this world coming to?!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Related:
    Aisle Always Need Directions, Part 3
    Aisle Always Need Directions, Part 2
    Aisle Always Need Directions

    Scan-dalous

    | Kerang, Victoria, Australia | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

    (I’m working a cash register at a supermarket.)

    Me: “G’day, how’s it going?”

    Customer: “Yeah, pretty good, thanks.”

    (I begin to scan her items.)

    Me: “So do you have any plans for the rest of your day?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I hope to get laid for the first time in three years!”

    (I look over to see she had amongst her groceries: several punnets of strawberries, dipping chocolate, oysters, condoms, and personal lubricant.)

    Customer: *beaming*

    (I return to scanning her items in silence. She pays and gathers her items.)

    Me: “Have a great night.”

    Customer: “Oh, believe me, I will!”

    Unintentional Prejudice Is Still A Kick In The Teeth

    | Tennessee, USA | Bigotry, Language & Words

    (I’m a British exchange student working at a Tennessee supermarket. I have a very obvious accent. I’m stocking the shelves when I need to place an item out of my reach.)

    Me: “Hey, [coworker], can you give me a hand?”

    Customer: “Oh, my! Your accent is amazing! Are you English?”

    (I nod.)

    Customer: “Oooh, ooh… can you say…” *in a very bad Cockney accent* “Can I please get some help setting up this fish and chips so I can retire for tea time?”

    Me: “Erm? Sorry, I won’t.”

    Customer: “Well, why not?! I thought all you British people liked tea and fish and chips.”

    Coworker: “If I were to ask you why you aren’t wearing blue jean overalls or ending every sentence with “Y’all”, would you be offended?”

    Customer: “Well, of course I would!”

    (Both my coworker and I raise our eyebrows at her. We watch as her face turns red with realization.)

    Customer: “O-oh… I’m sorry.”

    (The customer quickly walks to the next aisle, face still red as a beet.)

    Coworker: “Sorry about that. We get a lot of people like that around here.”

    Me: “Well, at least she didn’t make a comment about my teeth.”

    PINheaded, Part 3

    | Brisbane, Australia | At The Checkout, Money, Technology

    (In Australia when you pay by card, you can either use a pin number or sign for your purchase if you pay by card. Regardless, you need to have your card on you.)

    Me: “Okay, so the total is $17.”

    Customer: *comes up $2 short* “Oh, I don’t have enough. I’ll just run to my car to get the $2.”

    Me: “Oh, here, I’ll save the transaction and keep your bags back here for you.”

    Customer: “Oh, I’ll just pay with my bank card!”

    Me: “Okay, go ahead.”

    Customer: “I have… a pin.”

    Me: “Alrighty, then. Did you have your card?”

    Customer: “Yes.” *stares at me*

    Me: “Ma’am, you have to put your card in the machine.”

    Customer: “I HAVE A PIN! I DON’T SIGN!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you have to put your card in the machine for it to take the payment.”

    (The customer mutters something about getting the $2 and walks off. I save the order and continue serving other customers. Returning with her money, the woman proceeds to cut the line and slams the correct money on the counter. I process the payment and think she’s about to leave when she starts yelling again.)

    Customer: “So, you’re telling me I have to keep my card with me all the time to pay, even though I have a pin?!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. The computer can’t process the payment unless the card is in the machine. It doesn’t matter if you have a pin or sign for it.”

    Customer: “BUT I HAVE A PIN!” *storms off*

    Related:
    Pinheaded, Part 2
    PINheaded


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