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    Fits The Bill Of A Criminal

    | England, UK | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Holidays, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (A couple of years back I worked as a Christmas temp at a major supermarket during a year off from university course. It is in the middle of a very busy shift.)

    Customer: *walks up to checkout with two very expensive electrical items*

    Me: “Hello, sir.” *scans items* “That will be £380 please.”

    Customer: *hands me a wad of £20 notes*

    Me: “Thank you very much.”

    (I start to count money out in front of him while also checking each note for authenticity.)

    Customer: *suddenly aggressive* “What are you doing?”

    Me: “I have to check that this is the correct amount of money and it is our policy to ensure that all notes are genuine. I do the same for all notes I get handed.”

    Customer: *grabs notes and starts to count them out in front of me quickly*

    Me: “Sir, I need to count the money myself so I can check each note.”

    Customer: “I am not a criminal!”

    Me: *getting suspicious* “I am not saying you are, sir. I am only doing my job as thoroughly as I can. Sometimes fake notes can be picked up by accident and the person who has them is not aware they are fake. But if I were to allow one into the till it could be passed to another customer and at that point the shop would have committed a criminal offence and could be held liable. I need to check the notes.”

    (I pick up the notes and start to check them again.)

    Customer: “I AM NOT A CRIMINAL!”

    (The manager comes over at the noise.)

    Me: “Please calm down, sir!”

    Manager: “[My Name], what is going on?!”

    Me: “This gentleman is not allowing me to check and count his money.”

    Manager: “Please calm down, sir, or we will have to call security.”

    Customer: *screaming at the top of his lungs* “I AM NOT A CRIMINAL! WHY ARE YOU TREATING ME LIKE THIS?! I WILL F****** SLIT YOUR THROAT, YOU F****** B****!”

    (Security came running over and the customer was restrained. When we checked his money all but £100 of it was fake. The police were called.)

    In The Firing Line

    | England, UK | Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a small supermarket in my small town. It’s near Christmas and we are fully staffed. I’m on my break after four hours of constant checkout work. I am in the queue with some food with a very impatient customer who is a frequent annoyance in our store. I already handed my notice of leaving in and am starting a new job after Christmas.)

    Customer: *looks at me* “I’ve been waiting for 20 minutes!” *it has actually been more like four minutes*

    Me: “Yeah, it’s very busy this time of year. Everybody does last minute shopping. I’m only going to have five minutes to each my lunch.” *attempt at defusing with a laugh*

    Customer: “Why are you not working? Can you not jump on a till?”

    Me: “Sorry, I am on my break. I’ve been here since six am.”

    Customer: “I thought you people were meant to help customers whenever they need? The poster says so.”

    Me: “I am sorry, but all the tills are being used.” *gestures to all tills* “And the poster says ‘ask a member of staff and we will try to help you.’”

    Customer: “I know you have a spare till in the back that you only use for staff. Can you not bring it out? *giving the b***iest look I’ve ever seen*

    Me: *with a sarcastic shocked look* “How do you know about our secret till?! I am only used as a decoy here in the customer queue so nobody can catch on to our super secret discount staff till in the back because I love to wait in a queue instead of eating my lunch!”

    (The customer then scoffs and gets served and turns around to me.)

    Customer: “I would wish you a Merry Christmas but you’re obviously not as educated as me to comprehend such words.”

    Me: “And a very Merry Christmas to you too, Mrs [Customer]. I can’t wait to serve you and your excessive amount of booze on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings whilst everyone judges you in the queue!” *smiles*

    A Healthy Uptake In Coupons

    | London, UK | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Money

    (Customer hands over £12 worth of healthy living vouchers which can only be used on milk and fruit & vegetables when she has only purchased crisps and other ‘junk’ food.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re unable to accept these coupons as you haven’t bought any of the products listed.”

    Customer: “But I need to feed my child.”

    Me: “Yes, but you’ve not bought £12 worth of fruit and veg or milk.”

    Customer: “But my child doesn’t eat fruit and vegetables. He prefers to eat crisps.”

    Me: “Yes, but the coupons are specifically provided by the government to promote healthy eating.”

    Customer: “Well, how am I supposed to use the coupons, then? My child is a toddler now and doesn’t eat fruit or vegetables any more. I want to speak to a manager!”

    (The manager basically reiterated what I had said and she threatened to contact Head Office. We never heard anything from Head Office.)

    Other Customers Might Need Hazard Pay

    | Newry, Northern Ireland, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I’m looking for a cheap pair of runners for bike riding in a well known, high street supermarket. I’m wearing a hoodie that looks similar to the fleece jackets worn by staff. A man, large and burly, comes up to me.)

    Man: “Hey, you! How much are these jeans?”

    (I realise he thinks I work here.)

    Me: “Sorry, friend, I don’t work here. Wouldn’t know.”

    (I expect that to be the end of it.)

    Man: “That’s not what I f***** asked, pal.”

    (I left quite quickly.)

    Annoyingly Consistent

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Money

    (I am sitting on the registers as the main cashier for the day when an older woman marches up to my counter.)

    Me: “Good morning. How are you today?”

    Customer #1: “I don’t have time for this chit chat. I just want to pay for this jar of coffee and go as I am in a hurry.”

    (I scan the item and tell the customer the price of the item.)

    Me: “That’ll be [total price].”

    Customer #1: “Excuse me? How much?”

    Me: “Um, the total for the jar of coffee is [total price].”

    Customer #1: “That is far too much money; I’ll go choose another one.”

    (The customer storms off leaving the original jar of coffee with me. I put it to the side of my register and serve several other customers during the customer’s absence. Another customer unpacks her groceries onto my till and I greet her.)

    Me: “Hello. How are you?”

    Customer #2: “I am good, thank you. How are you?”

    Me: “I am very good, thanks.”

    (Before I could start to scan Customer #2′s items, Customer #1 returns and slams a jar of coffee onto my register completely cutting in front of Customer #2. I notice the jar of coffee she has now selected is identical to her previous one.)

    Customer #1: “I am next! Not this lady! Now, I want this coffee.”

    Customer #2: “I don’t mind. Let her go first.”

    (Customer #1 looks at Customer #2. Her eyes go wide for a moment. I interject.)

    Me: “This is the same brand and size as the coffee you wanted before.”

    Customer #1: “No, it is not. This one is cheaper than the previous one.”

    (I scan the coffee and sure enough it is the same price as the one earlier.)

    Me: “That’ll be [total price].”

    Customer #1: “See? Much better.”

    (After Customer #1 walks out of the shop Customer #2 begins laughing hysterically.)

    Customer #2: “Sorry. I shouldn’t laugh, but she used to be my mother-in-law before my divorce and I am so glad she is annoying to everyone!”

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