November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Got Yourself Carded

| Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers

(After a long shift I decide to purchase some groceries from the supermarket where I work. The woman in front of me has her shopping rung up and presents my newly-trained coworker with a staff discount card. I don’t recognize the woman and assume her to be from another one of our stores.)

Coworker: *has attempted to swipe the discount card three times without success* “Um, just give me a second.”

Woman: “All right.”

Coworker: *she proceeds to swipe it two more times through the till* “Sorry, it doesn’t seem to be working.”

Me: “Let me have a look.” *my coworker hands over the card for my inspection and I’m dumbfounded by what I find* “Madam, this is my card.”

Woman: “No, it’s mine.”

Me: “Madam, I reported this card missing just yesterday. It has my name and employee number on the front.”

Woman: “Ah.” *she proceeds out of the store doing the fastest running walk I have ever seen*

Not A Fruitful Theft

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(My boss is quite good at the whole catching-people-stealing thing. He gets pretty fed up with it all the time but usually see the funny side of what people try to steal.)

Boss: *on the phone* “Hey, [My Name], keep an eye on the family in the fruit section right now. They picked up some meat and some soft drink bottles, but I can’t see where they put them. Might just be under the pram, but check when they come though.”

(The family comes up to my coworkers till, so I take over.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Mother: “Fine.”

Me: “Well, that’s good. Just the banana and apples today?”

Mother: “Yes.”

(Having spied the top of a coke bottle sticking out from a baby’s blanket, I decide to politely point it out.)

Me: “Oh, sorry, that coke bottle; I did not see you come in with it. Did you just forget to add it?”

Mother: “You stupid b****, I came in with it. Just what are you accusing me of?”

Me: “I did not mean to offend, but often people just simply forget.”

Mother: “It’s from home. Now hurry up, silly girl, and don’t you smart mouth me again.”

(At this point my boss has quietly come from the back and stands behind me.)

Boss: “You can hand back the meat in your son’s pants as well.”


Boss: “Well, I have you on camera attempting to steal, so either drop what you have now and get out, or pay for everything and get out, but in any case do not ever come back into my store or I will call the police.”


Boss “I’m sure the police won’t agree with you. OUT!”

Because… Math

| Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Math & Science, Money

(The prices of the items are posted in huge numbers on the front of the display counter, impossible to miss. Our boneless chicken breasts are usually quite large, a fact which I always point out to people who are not regular customers.)

Customer: “Can I have some boneless breasts?”

Me: “Sure thing! They’re quite large, about a pound each. How many would you like?”

(The breasts are $5.99/lb, I’m trying to prevent sticker shock.)

Customer: “I’ll take six.”

Me: *bags and weighs six chicken breasts* “Okay, it comes to $36.”

Customer: “What?! Why is it so much?”

Me: “Because six times six is thirty-six.”

Faker Moaning About Faking

| Devon, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body

(I use a wheelchair. The shop has customer wheelchairs marked very clearly with the name of the centre the shop is in. I’m supposed to be working on tills, but due to being short staffed, I’m helping out with stacking the shelves.)

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “I was wondering if I could use that wheelchair?”

(I assume she meant a wheelchair, rather than the one I’m currently sitting in.)

Me: “Of course. If you head over to the door, the security guy there can get one for you.”

Customer: “You want me to walk over?”

Me: “I’ll go and ask him. Feel free to take a seat, if it’s more comfortable for you.”

Customer: “No, it’s fine, thanks. I guess I’ll go ask myself. I mean, if I have to use one of those ugly things.”

Me: “Yeah, they’re not the best are they? But it’s really no trouble for me to go over there, if you want me to.”

(The customer shakes her head, and sits on one of the stacking stools, Maybe ten minutes later, she’s still sitting there, and all I’ve got left to shelve are things that are usually way above my head. Since I’m having a pretty good day, I figure what the hell, and start standing for short periods of time so shelve the lighter stuff, something I’m more than capable of doing.)

Customer: “How dare you!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “How dare you sit around in that chair all day, and then start standing up with boxes just like anyone else? People like you make my life so much harder, you know that?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what—”

Customer: “I have an invisible disability. People like you who go around faking for sympathy and making everyone think I’m a faker too.”

Me: “I have an invisible disability. Hence the chair.”

Customer: “Well, then you shouldn’t be standing up, should you?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but… you walked into the shop.”

Customer: “I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”

Me: “You don’t?”

Customer: “I want to speak to your manager.”

(I radioed my manager over. She took a while to get there, so I carried on shelving. While I’m standing up, and my back is turned, the customer took my wheelchair and vanished off into the shop. At a loss for what to do, I took the stool she vacated and waited for my manager to show up, while the security guy at the door – visible from my aisle – took off after the woman. I sat there for almost an hour until security finally tracked the woman down in another shop in the centre. They tried for a while to get her to give my chair back, all while she accused them of discrimination, saying they think she’s an idiot who can’t tell the difference between a centre chair and mine because she’s disabled. Eventually, once security had radioed police, she gave it back. She was still sitting on the floor, yelling about fakers ruining her life, when the police arrived.)

They Got The Free Brain At Birth

| WA, Australia | Extra Stupid

(A woman is looking confused at a display of spray bottles, and calls me over.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what does this ‘Buy One, Get One Free’ mean on this ticket? Does it mean I buy one and get one free?”

Me: *unsure if there’s a hidden meaning I’m not aware of* “…Yes, it does.”

Customer: *cheerfully* “Okay, thanks!” *grabs one and walks away*