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  • September Theme Of The Month: Overheard!

    Hey, [His Name]

    , | Australia | At The Checkout, Funny Names

    (At my deli we have a worker named Naim. We pronounce it exactly the same as the word ‘name.’)

    Customer: “How long till the hot chickens come out?”

    Coworker #1: “I’m not sure. Hey, Naim, do you know?”

    Coworker #2: “Half an hour, I think—”

    Customer: “That’s INCREDIBLY rude! Are you just too lazy to learn his name?”

    Coworker #2: “But… that is my name.”

    (He shows the customer his name tag, and she immediately brightens and apologises.)

    Coworker #1: *starts laughing* “If I call anyone Nametag then I’ll be in trouble.” *turns to me* “Right, Nametag?”

    (I can’t help but giggle, and the customer just rolls her eyes and walks away.)

    Avoiding The Meat Of The Problem

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work at a customer service desk in a large supermarket.)

    Me: “How can I help?”

    Customer: “I want a refund for this frozen chicken!”

    Me: “Okay, so what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I put it in the oven for a whole hour and it’s still pink inside!”

    Me: “Um, okay. I would suggest putting it in the oven for longer then, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Are you calling me stupid?!”

    Me: “No, I’m just suggesting that it is pink because it’s not cooked properly.”

    Customer: “Just because I’m not a chicken cooking expert like you!”

    Me: “I’ve been vegetarian for 13 years, ma’am…”

    Should Get Yourself Checked Out

    | UK | At The Checkout, Technology

    (I am the customer in this story. I am notoriously unlucky at using self-service checkouts; they invariably tell me to ‘place the item in the bag’ or ‘remove the last item from the bag’ or can’t recognise the barcodes. For this reason I usually try to use a manned register. On this occasion I’m only buying a few items and decide to give it a try. There is a cashier near the self-service in case of problems.)

    Me: “Just to warn you, these checkouts don’t like me. You’ll probably need to help.”

    Cashier: “No problem. I’ll wait right here.”

    (I start scanning.)

    Me: “I can’t believe this is working. It’s usually gone wrong by now.”

    Cashier: “Well, keep going. You’re doing something right!”

    (I scan my last item.)

    Me: “Wow, that is the first time I’ve got through the whole thing without a problem! That’s a record!”

    Cashier: “Well, congratulations!”

    (I pay the machine and collect my change.)

    Me: “I still can’t believe it didn’t go wrong.”

    Cashier: “I hope you have a good day!”

    Me: “Thanks! Goodbye.”

    (I start to leave the store.)

    Cashier: “Uh, excuse me?”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Cashier: *pointing at the checkout I’d just left* “…Did you want to take your shopping with you?”

    Doesn’t Go Quite So Well With Jelly

    | AZ, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

    (Sunday morning working in the beer and wine section of a busy supermarket stocking bottles of wine.)

    Customer: “Excuse me; can you help me find some peanut grease?”

    Me: *a little tired, thinking the customer perhaps meant peanut oil or something* “Peanut grease? I’m not sure if we stock that but if we do it would probably be in the baking aisle.”

    Customer: “Baking? I don’t want to cook with it; I want to drink it.”

    Me: *nonplussed* “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for something dry but still a little sweet and I read on a website that peanut grease would be a good one to try.”

    Me: *the penny drops* “Oh, pinot gris! Yes, we have that right over here…”

    (I proceeded to help him pick out a few nice bottles. One of the better customers I’ve dealt with to be honest but I can’t go past that completely brilliant mangling of pronunciation.)

    Gives New Meaning To The Pink Dollar

    | ACT, Australia | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Money

    (At the store I work at, we sell gift cards for a certain popular online music store, with pre-set values of $20, $30, and $50. To help tell the difference between the cards, they are colour-coded, with $20 being pink, $30 being blue, and $50 being green. One day, an old lady comes up to my register with a $20 card.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but do you have these $20 cards in blue?”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, the $20 [Music Store] gift cards only come in pink.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? I really would like a blue $20 [Music Store] card.”

    Me: “All the $20 cards are pink, I’m afraid. Why were you after a blue card in particular?”

    Customer: “Well, I want to buy this card for my grandson’s birthday, but I can’t get him a PINK card. That’s a girl’s colour! He’s a boy; he needs a BLUE card!”

    (The customer is a bit grumpy at this point, and I am a bit put off by her gender stereotyping, but I try to remain polite and helpful.)

    Me: “Oh. Well, as I said, we unfortunately do not have blue $20 [Music Store] cards.”

    Customer: *disappointed* “I see.” *pause* “Are you sure you don’t have any blue ones out the back?”

    Me: “Positive, ma’am. The $30 [Music Store] cards are blue. You could spend and extra $10 and get one of those.”

    Customer: *outraged* “$30?! I love my grandson, but not that much!”

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