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    Last Of The Summer Whine

    | UK | Food & Drink

    (The previous day, the shelf that held all our wine collapsed. This has resulted in the aisle being flooded with wine and closed. I’m working on the customer service desk.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, young man, I was wondering if you had any red wine available?”

    Me: “Ah, well I’m afraid we’ve had an incident and all the red wine we have in store today has been smashed, so no, I’m afraid we have no red wine available. We should have some more in tomorrow if that’s any good to you?”

    Customer: “Hmm… well, do you have any available today?”

    Me: “Well, no. The shelf literally collapsed, and everything we had was on that shelf, and so everything we had is broken. I’m really sorry for the inconvenience.”

    Customer: *raising voice* “Well, young man, you’re not making any sense. I would like some red wine now please.”

    Me: “Well, the best I can do is put you some aside when the delivery comes in tomorrow. Any wine we had today was unfortunately smashed. People are actually trying to clear up the mess now.”

    Customer: “You are incompetent! I would like some red wine now, please!”

    (At this point another colleague who has been nearby listening in comes over to help.)

    Customer: *to my coworker* “Hey, you! This colleague is babbling. I would like some wine. Can I get some wine, please?!”

    Colleague: “Well, that depends on two very important things: how desperate are you, and do you have a straw?”

    Customer: “I do not understand. All of you are babies, and you’re all dumb and ridiculous. You’ll all be fired!”

    Colleague: “Well, maybe if you spent more time listening, and less time shouting you would understand, my colleague here has already explained everything, as have the colleagues clearing up the alcohol aisle that you were shouting at earlier.”

    Customer: “I’ll go to [competitor]! Yeah, you won’t like that, will you?! That shut you up! I’ll never shop here again!”

    Colleague: “We’ll hold you to it. Now, please stop assaulting our staff and leave before I call the police.”

    Customer: “You… I’m… grrr… wine… ARGH!” *leaves*

    Diolch yn fawr Very Much

    | Porthmadog, Wales, UK | Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Language & Words, Top

    (I am a customer in a store, queuing at a till being worked at by my friend. I always try to be polite, and if I see a customer has more groceries than me, or looks busier than me, or is elderly, I always offer them to take the place ahead of me when it’s my turn next at the checkout. I live in a Welsh-speaking area so normally ask in Welsh first, then repeat in English if the other person does not understand.)

    Me: *in Welsh* “Hello, sir. Would you like to go next to the till? I don’t mind waiting.”

    Elderly gentleman: *in English* “DID YOU JUST SWEAR AT ME?”

    Me: *in English* “Not at all, I was simply trying t—”

    Elderly gentleman: “I can’t stand you young Welsh people. You think that because you have your own private little language that you can just swear and joke about us tourists. I’ll tell you what, missy, I bet you don’t have a job, you’re probably on benefits. The only people who have jobs around here are here to support tourists like me, who come here out of the kindness of our hearts to inject some money into your miserable, pathetic little local economy. I’ll not have it! I deserve better!”

    (Hearing this, my friend and coworker speaks up in my defense.)

    Coworker: “Actually, sir, she was just asking if you’d like to go next in the queue. Because this isn’t the regular tourist season, she was asking in Welsh. And for your information, she is also English. She’s been learning since she got here to Wales as she thinks it is important to preserve the local heritage. Now, will you take advantage of this girl’s generous offer to go first and let everyone else get on with their day, or will I call a manager and ask you to leave the store owing to your somewhat racist behaviour?”

    (The customer goes red, and slides in front of me in the queue. My coworker would not finish his transaction until she had taught him to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ in Welsh.)

    He Got Served While Getting Served

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Money, Top

    (A customer is debating the price of items with me. I have told him several times they are not on sale. This has taken almost ten minutes, and the people behind him are starting to look very annoyed.)

    Me: “Sir, I assure you those items are not on sale.”

    Customer #1: “You b****! They are too! You’re just trying to rob me! Where the h*** is your manager?”

    Me: “I am the manager on duty. ”

    Customer #1: *grabs my shirt collar* “That’s bulls***! Women can’t run stores. You’re too dumb! Especially your age!”

    (At that moment, another customer, Customer #2, intervenes. Note that Customer #2 is a petite lady in her late twenties, about as old as me. She stands on her toes, grabs Customer #1′s shoulder, and yanks him around. Then, she slaps him across the face.)

    Customer #1: *stunned* “Wh-wha? Who the h*** do you think you are?”

    Customer #2: “You work at [very successful local legal firm], right?”

    Customer #1: *nods*

    Customer #2: “Well, I own [very successful local legal firm], and you don’t work there anymore.”

    (Customer #1 finally recognizes Customer #2 and gets a horrified look of realization on his face. He sprints out of the store, leaving his groceries on the counter.)

    The Working Dead

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Awesome Customers, Bizarre

    (I am a cashier at a major supermarket. Two young men in their mid-twenties are nearby, arguing with each other about something.)

    Guy #1: “Well, let’s just ask her.”

    Guy #2: “No, we don’t need to ask anyone else!”

    Guy #1: *to me* “Hi, can I just ask you a question?”

    Guy #2: “No! Don’t ask her!”

    Me: “Um… sure?”

    Guy #1: “Okay, say there was a zombie apocalypse, where would you hide out? Here, or [Australia's largest household hardware chain]?”

    Me: “Um, probably here?”

    Guy #1: “See? I told you!”

    Guy #2: “But why? The [household hardware chain] has weapons and stuff, how are you going to fight the zombies without weapons?”

    Me: “Well, our supermarket has food, you can’t survive without food. And it has weapons too! We have knives and garden tools.”

    Guy #1: “Exactly!”

    Guy #2: “But [hardware store] has food too! They have a canteen!”

    Me: “But we have a better selection, and food can also be used as a weapon! Food fight!”

    Guy #2: “I give up.”

    Guy #1: “I like this girl. She’s smart! Come on, let’s ask somebody else.” *happily approaches next cashier*

    Guy #2: *upset* “No! I give up! Please stop asking!”

    Being The Bigger Man

    | Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am standing in a line for a checkout at a supermarket, when I look over and see a family with two kids in another line. The kids are throwing stuff everywhere, tins, bottles, and jars. The cashier, a young girl, is frantically trying to calm them down. Note: I’m pretty big, about 6’3″ and broad, plus I have a black eye, cut nose and a cut across my lip from a sports match the day before.)

    Cashier: *to kids* “Please stop throwing things. Someone’s going to get hurt.”

    Father: “How dare you! You people just get off on telling other people what to do! You’re all just fascists, that’s what!”

    Cashier: “Look, I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but your kids are going to end up hurting someone, and then it’ll be a big problem for all of us.”

    Mother: “Are you threatening us?”

    Cashier: *looking shocked and confused* “No! Not at all. I’m just saying that it would be best if you asked your children to stop before someone gets hurt.”

    Father: “You’re still making threats! Either you stop with that right now or I swear to God I will give you a big problem! I’m going to make you sorry you were born, unless you shut the f*** up right now!”

    (I catch the cashier’s eye, and she looks hopeless. I bend down, pick up a tin thrown by one of the kids and quietly move to just behind the parents.)

    Me: “Excuse me.”

    (They spin round. The father is not that tall, about 5’10″, so he’s pretty much looking me in the neck. I point at my black eye and battered face.)

    Me: “One of your kids just hit me in the face. Is this a problem I should take up with you personally, or should I just call the police?”

    (I’m looming over him now, very much invading his personal space.)

    Father: “Oh, God, I’m sorry! I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

    Me: “I would recommend you apologise to the nice lady who’s been putting up with you for the last 10 minutes without calling the police. It seems she’s had far more to deal with than me!”

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