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    Park On Someone Your Own Size

    | Glendale, CA, USA | Top, Transportation

    (I’m taking a load of grocery carts in the parking lot. The lot is pretty full, and I notice a large pickup truck and a shiny blue SUV flanking an empty space labeled ‘Compact.’ A female driver in a compact car carefully edges her car into the empty space, then gets out. The male driver of the blue SUV, who has been sitting inside, gets out a moment later.)

    Male Driver: “Hey! Hey, lady, you need to be more careful!”

    Female Driver: “Why?

    Male Driver: “You could have scratched my paint!”

    Female Driver: “What? I didn’t touch your car.”

    Male Driver: “But you could have scratched my paint! You shouldn’t try to park in spaces that are this small if you can’t be more careful.”

    (I should note that the small car is well within the lines of her parking space, whereas the SUV is halfway over his.)

    Female Driver: “I didn’t scratch your car.” *starts to walk away*

    Male Driver: *grabs her shoulder* “Who’s your insurance? I want to talk to your insurance!”

    Female Driver: “I didn’t touch your car, so I’m not giving you any of my information!”

    Male Driver: “But you could have scratched it! I might scratch my car on yours when I back up, and you’ll have to pay for it!”

    (She’s clearly trying to get away from him, so at this point I walk over and intervene.)

    Me: “Sir, if you hit this lady’s car when you’re backing out, you’d be the one at fault, so you’d be the one paying for it.”

    Male Driver: *turns to me* “This is YOUR fault! Your parking lot is too small. Your spaces are too small! My paint might get scratched!”

    Female Driver: “Look, mister, if you think the spaces are too small, maybe you shouldn’t have parked your freaking SUV in a COMPACT space!”

    Male Driver: *turns red and goes quickly back to his car*

    Your Eating Habits Give Us Paws

    | KY, USA | Food & Drink

    (I’m working at a supermarket giving out free samples of food. I’ve just prepared a frozen meal of chicken, ravioli and garlic sauce into small sample servings. I sit the samples onto a tray next to some sporks for customers to take and enjoy.)

    Me: *to a customer* ”Hello! Would you like a sample of chicken, ravioli and garlic sauce from [brand]?”

    (The customer looks at product for a moment, and then suddenly grabs the meat and sauce with her bare hands and shovels it into her mouth.)

    Me: “You know, I do have eating utensils for your convenience.”

    Customer: “Nah, that’s okay. I can use my paws!” *wipes garlic sauce-covered fingers all over her clothing and leaves*

    Driving Miss Crazy, Part 3

    | Askim, Norway | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I work in a supermarket. This particular day, an old lady who is a regular customer comes in. She’s just paid for her groceries.)

    Customer: “Oh, I can’t get home. You have to help me.”

    Me: “Sure, we can call you a taxi. That’s no problem.”

    Customer: “NO! Don’t call a taxi! It’s too expensive! I live on welfare!”

    Me: “Who else should we call?”

    Customer: “I live on welfare. I can’t afford a taxi! It’s too expensive!”

    Me: “Okay, is there anyone else we can call?”

    Customer: *ignores me* “Oh, how am I supposed to get home now?”

    (It’s only fifteen minutes before we close, so I talk to my colleagues about this, and we agree that the quickest and simplest solution is for me to drive her home in my own car. We get to the nursing home where she lives, and I help her bring the groceries to her room.)

    Me: “Okay, there we are. Take care now.”

    Customer: “Oh, thank you very much for your help! That was very kind.”

    (This is the first time I’ve ever heard her say anything nice.)

    Me: *closing door*

    Customer: “YOU DRIVE LIKE A PIG!”

    Related:
    Driving Miss Crazy, Part 2
    Driving Miss Crazy

    In The Beginning…

    | Pennsylvania, USA | Food & Drink, Religion

    (I work in the kosher section of our deli. I often get questions about what makes our food different from the things sold at other counters at the store.)

    Customer: “What’s a kosher chicken?”

    Me: “It’s a chicken that was raised, slaughtered, and prepared according to kosher rules.”

    Customer: “What’s kosher?”

    Me: “It’s Talmudic laws regarding food.”

    Customer: “What’s Talmudic?”

    Me: “It’s Jewish religious law.”

    Customer: “What’s Jewish?”

    Help Is On The Way

    | Oregon, USA | Musical Mayhem, Top

    (I’ve just gotten off work and am waiting behind the building for my friend to come pick me up. I’m listening to music but forgot my headphones, so it’s playing through the speaker. Two teenage girls, one wearing a Twilight shirt and another a Justin Bieber Shirt walk past me chatting. Accompanying them is who I assume is their younger brother, who is obviously not liking the conversation. He can’t be more than ten years old.)

    Teenager #1: *whispers to her friend about my music* “What awful tastes.”

    Teenager #2: *nods in agreement* “Freaks, I tell you.”

    (Instead of agreeing with the girls, the little kid stops and talks to me.)

    Little Kid: *to me* “What’s that?”

    Me: “Rise Against. They’re an awesome punk band.”

    Little Kid: “Thanks!” *catches up to the two teens with a smile*

    (I feel as though I did some good today.)


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