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    Worst Superhero Name Ever

    | Orlando, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Food & Drink

    (I work at the meat/seafood counter of my store. I greet my first customer of the day.)

    Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a six lb. rib roast, please.”

    Me: “Certainly. Let me go and pass your order on to the butcher.”

    (I go back into the cutting room. The butcher says it will take about ten minutes because of the other order he has to fill first. I go back to the counter.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, he can have your order ready in ten minutes. If you want, you can do some more shopping and come back later. We’ll set your order up here on the counter when it’s ready for you.”

    Customer: “Are you being a smart-a**?!”

    Me: “Um… excuse me?”

    Customer: “Are. You. Being. A. Smart-a**!?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what the problem is.”

    Customer: *in a mocking tone* “Oh, look at me! I’m Mr. Big Shot Meat Guy! I’ll put your order right up here on the counter! Right here, all nice and neat, because I’m Mr. Big Shot Meat Guy!”

    Me: “Uh… that’s just what we do, ma’am. If someone places an order we set it on the counter for them to come and pick up when it’s ready.”

    (She gives me the dirtiest look I’ve ever seen, and stomps away.)

    Co-worker: “Welcome to work, Mr. Big Shot Meat Guy!”

    It’s Not Spanish, But Just Roll With It

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I am working the self-scanning machines.)

    Customer: “I bought two of these Chavra, but it won’t take my coupon. I’m supposed to get 75 cents off of two Chavra, but the self-scan won’t take it.”

    (Chavra is a small container of spreadable cheese. When I look at the customers order on the screen, Chavra isn’t listed.)

    Me: “You said you got two Chavra?”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s correct. See, it’s right over here.” *points to two packages of Charmin toilet paper* “I got two Charmin. ‘Chavra’ in Spanish means Charmin.”

    Me: “Ma’am, this coupon is for cheese.”

    (The customer takes a long look at the coupon, and then laughs.)

    Customer: “I guess my Spanish isn’t what it used to be.”

    Offer Of A Lift Is Uplifting

    | The Netherlands | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Food & Drink

    (It has been a very snowy day, and the pavements are dangerously slippery. I’m rounding up payment for a regular, but rather old and fragile customer, who has trouble walking.)

    Customer: “Well, I hope it’s not too bad outside.”

    Me: “You’re walking?”

    Customer: “Yes, my children are out of town, and I do need my shopping done.”

    Me: “My shift ends in about ten minutes, and I’m by car. If you want to wait for a bit, I can bring you home.”

    (My boss overhears this.)

    Boss: “Round up your shift; it’s quiet enough. You can go and bring her home immediately.”

    (I take the customer home. One week later, the customer comes in with a home-made apple pie.)

    Customer: “You went to the trouble of bringing me home, so I baked you this. Hope you enjoy it!”

    (And we did!)

    Acting An Oaf About The Loaf

    | Wales, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (It has snowed quite severely in our area so today. We are short on staff and no deliveries have been able to reach us.)

    Customer: “You’ve run out of bread.”

    Me: “Yes, I’m terribly sorry; there is no fresh bread. All I can do is recommend some of our pre-mixed bread flour. You just add water and bake.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you’ve run out of bread. I came here especially.”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, I appreciate that, but our delivery lorry got stuck. I am sorry, but there’s very little I can do to assist you.”

    Customer: “But you’re [supermarket]! You should never run out of bread.”

    Me: “Ma’am, like I said, the roads are impassable. Our lorry couldn’t get here. I normally work at another store, but I couldn’t drive there today, so I am helping out here. Do you mind if I ask whether you walked or drove in?”

    Customer: “Well, I walked of course. Have you seen the roads? It would be like driving on pure white death out there.”

    Me: “Exactly.”

    (I give her time to process this information, bearing in mind what I have said about the delivery drivers.)

    Customer: *walks off, muttering* “…can’t believe [supermarket] has no bread!”

    Hair Abhorrent

    | Invercargill, New Zealand | Bizarre

    (I’m with my sister, shopping in the produce section of the supermarket, when a male customer approaches me. Note: I’m female with long hair.)

    Male Customer: “You! Your hair’s too long!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Male Customer: “If you bought some scissors, I’d cut it for you.”

    Me: “I… ah… No thank you.”

    Male Customer: “Fine!”

    (He then storms off towards the back of the store.)

    My Sister: “What the f*** just happened?!”

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