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    Phoned Then Owned

    | Forster, NSW, Australia | Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in the deli department of my local supermarket, and am calling out the numbers of the tickets.)

    Me: “Number 24? Does anybody have ticket number 24? Anybody at all?”

    (At this point, I think someone might have grabbed two tickets by accident off the ticket dispenser and decide to skip ahead to the next number.)

    Me: “Oh well, then… number 25?”

    (The customer with ticket 25 starts ordering what she wants, when suddenly the customer with ticket 24 storms over. She has clearly been on the phone.)

    Customer #24: *huffed voice* “Excuse me? I was before this lady. I was number 24!”

    Me: “Just one second, ma’am. I’ll serve you after this customer.”

    (Customer #25 smiles shyly at me.)

    Customer #24: “Well, I was before this lady!” *puts a rude smirk when referring to her* “Clearly, because I was number 24!”

    Me: “Well, I was calling your number for a good while before I started serving this lady. You weren’t even at the deli counter.”

    Customer #24: “I WAS STILL FIRST!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if you just let me serve this customer quickly, I’ll get to you in just a—”

    (Suddenly, Customer #25 decides they’ve had enough of Customer #24 and speaks up in my defense.)

    Customer #25: “Well, how the bloody h*** is he supposed to know he’s skipped someone when nobody answers his calls?! How’s he supposed to know you’re off in another aisle on the phone? You know it’s people like you that make his day so much worse!”

    Customer #24: *stomps off*

    Arabian Plights

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Top

    (I have a rather unusual name that leads people into thinking I’m from overseas. Not helping matters is that I have a slight accent because my mother is from New Zealand.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Fine, thanks.”

    (She looks at me and reads my name tag.)

    Customer: *slowly, while giving me the thumbs up* “I am very good, a-okay.”

    Me: *confused* “Well, okay then.”

    Customer: “Where are you from?”

    Me: “I live in [nearby neighbourhood].”

    Customer: “Where. Were. You. Born?”

    Me: “I was born in Australia, ma’am. I’ve lived here my whole life.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me! That is not an Australian name; that’s a foreigner name!”

    Me: “It is a bit unusual, isn’t it? My parents found it in a baby book. Customers have told me it means ‘brunette’ in Arabic.”

    Customer: “Ah hah! That’s where you’re from. That’s why you have that ridiculous voice! First you blow up our soldiers, and now you’re working in our stores!”

    (She suddenly snatches a bag of biscuits from the counter and throws it at me. I’m too surprised to do anything, but thankfully my manager sees the whole thing and comes over.)

    Manager: *to me* “Go take a nice, long break, and let me finish up here.”

    Customer: “Yeah, get lost girlie! This nice Australian man is going to help me.”

    Manager: *smiles* “Ma’am, I was born in Iran and immigrated to Australia when I was three.”

    (The customer proceeds to scream in anger and throws something at my manager. She was thrown out of the store!)

    The Less-Errant Of Two Evils

    | The Netherlands | Health & Body, Language & Words

    (I’m a cashier at a supermarket and am checking out a customer. All cigarette packages have a warning on them.)

    Customer: “I’d like [brand] cigarettes please.”

    (I grab a package.)

    Customer: “Oh no, not that one. I don’t like the text on it.”

    Me: “Oh, you mean the, ‘Smoking is deadly’ text?

    Customer: “Yes, get me one with a different text.”

    (I grab another package.)

    Me: “Okay… how about, ‘Smoking leads to a slow painful death’?”

    Customer: “No, I don’t like that one either.”

    Me: “Is, ‘Smoking increases the chance to get lung cancer’ fine, then?”

    Customer: “Ah yes, that one is good!”

    Branding Is All Smoke & Mirrors

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior

    (The Australian government has recently made it law that all cigarette packages must be plain with no branding or colouring. A lot of people are angry over this and are taking it out on the cashiers.)

    Customer #1: “…and can I get a pack of [brand cigarettes]?”

    Employee: “Sure!”

    (The employee fetches them and leaves them on the counter while she finishes ringing up the customer’s other items.)

    Customer #1: “Hey! I said that I wanted [brand]. What’s this s***?!”

    Employee: “That is [brand]; it’s just a different package.”

    Customer #1: “Don’t you lie to me, you b****!”

    (He then grabs them from the counter and hurls them at her, but they bounce off her and land on the ground. She calmly bends down to pick them up.)

    Me: *to Customer #1* “Hey! What the h***, man?”

    Employee: *turns to me* “It’s okay.” *turns to Customer #1* “Sir, can I show you something?”

    (She gestures for the customer to look at the cigarettes.)

    Employee: “This writing right here says [brand] Optimums, see? And this number right here says 25. So, this is [brand] Optimums 25s, which is what you asked for. Have a nice evening.”

    (He storms out, and the next customer steps up. He’s been fiddling with his basket and looking impatient while the employee was dealing with the first customer.)

    Customer #2: *quietly* “You’re doing a very good job dealing with jerks like that. I’ve never seen such patience and poise in a young woman such as yourself; they are very admirable qualities to have.”

    Employee: *near tears* “Thank you.”

    Customer #2: “Don’t let vicious people get you down. You’re just trying to do your job.”

    (The manager, who had just returned from dealing with Customer #1 outside, overheard this gave Customer #2 his groceries for free for being a decent person!)

    Counting To Eternity

    | Birmingham, England, UK | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Top

    (I am working on the tills, and pretty bored when a transaction equals £12.34.)

    Me: “That is…” *glances at screen* “…ha! One, two, three, four!”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Sorry, twelve-thirty four… one, two three, four. It just made me smile.”

    Customer: “Wow! Has this ever happened before? That’s amazing.”

    (As I rarely work the tills, this is actually the first time this has happened to me.)

    Me: “This is the first time. We’ll remember this for the rest of our lives.”

    Customer: “This is an unbreakable bond!”

    Me: “Stronger than marriage, some would say!”

    Customer: “You can’t divorce out of this!”

    Me: “It’s eternal!”

    (By now another customer behind is staring at us like we are mad.)

    Customer: “I’m going to have to tell all my friends about this! Can you sign my receipt?”

    Me: *signs his receipt*

    Customer: *walks away, grinning*


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