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    A Lack Of Water Can Put You In A Real Pickle

    | NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Top

    (We currently have a 50% sale on our store water bottles. It is late in the day, and we have sold out. I am currently organizing the shelves with jars of pickles.)

    Customer: “Hi, I would like to know where the cases of your store water bottles are. I can’t seem to find them anywhere.”

    Me: “I am really sorry, but because of the sale we have unfortunately sold out of the water bottles. We should be getting more in tomorrow when the delivery truck comes in.”

    Customer: “What!? How can you be out of water! I want the water!”

    Me: “I am really sorry. Today is the last day of the sale, so many people came in to get them. You can go to customer service, and they will issue you a rain check. You can come back tomorrow and still get the sale.”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want a rain check! I want my d*** water now! I know you have them in the back stock somewhere! Stop being a lazy a**, and get me some water!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I really am very sorry. We are completely out of water at the moment. If you came in a little earlier, we may have had some. It is almost the end of the day, and our other customers wanted to get the sale. The most we can do for you now is issue a rain check. You will just have to come back tomorrow. If you like, I can have a few cases held at the customer service desk for. They will be ready for you tomorrow.”

    Customer: “This is absolutely ridiculous! I want my d*** water now! Not tomorrow! NOW!”

    (Just as my manager is about to approach us after hearing the yelling, the customer takes her arm across the pickle shelf, and smashes about 12 jars of pickles to the ground. I am completely shocked and dumbfounded.)

    Customer: “There! That’s what you get for being a lazy a**, and not getting me my d*** water! I want my d*** water!”

    Manager: “Ma’am! There is absolutely no reason for you to damage our merchandise and put my employee’s safety at risk. You could have seriously cut someone with all of this glass!”

    Customer: “Well maybe if your lazy a** employees would do their jobs I wouldn’t have had to do that!”

    Manager: “Like my employee nicely told you, we are out of the water bottles. We are getting a shipment tomorrow. She was even willing to go out of her way to make sure to keep a case for you aside when we got them in. But, since you decided to take things into your own hands, you are no longer welcome in this store.”

    Customer: “I am the customer! You can’t do that! Give me my water!”

    Manager: “Well too bad; I just did!”

    (My manager calls security, and threatens to call the police if the customer doesn’t pay for all of the pickles. My manager then has her banned from the store without her water. I smelled like pickles for the rest of the night!)

    Racism Comes In Many Languages

    | AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I am standing behind a woman at a supermarket. Of the two cashiers available, one is of Asian descent and speaking in what seems to be Chinese to some customers. The other appears to be of Middle Eastern descent, whose customer is speaking very loudly and slowly.)

    Woman: “Do you understand what I’m saying? I want this in a separate bag.”

    Cashier: “Certainly, ma’am. I can definitely speak—”

    Woman: “—it’s like they don’t even cater for English speakers! Not a proper American in sight!”

    (The woman then spots me, a white guy in my late 20s.)

    Woman: “You’d know what I mean! Eh?”

    Me: “I’m an Australian tourist here visiting friends, et Je crois que vous ‘tes conasse raciste.”

    (“I think you’re a racist b****”, in French.)

    Woman: “UGH!”

    Currently, They Cannot See Currency, Part 2

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (One of our self-serve machines is currently unable to accept or dispense any cash. There are four signs on the machine stating this. We have four other machines that are working fine and can accept cash. A customer walks straight up to the machine with signs on it, ignoring the four other vacant machines.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am; I am just letting you know that these machines are EFT only. They can’t accept cash.”

    (The customer brushes me off.)

    Customer: “Yes, yes, whatever.”

    (At the end of her transaction, she yells at me to attend to her.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Where do you put the coins?”

    Me: “This machine is EFT only. It is unable to accept cash.”

    Customer: “Yes, but where do I put the coins?”

    (I talk a little bit slower.)

    Me: “This machine can not accept cash.”

    Customer: “So where do I put the coins?”

    Me: “Would you like me to move you to another machine, as this one will not take any cash?”

    Customer: “No, it’s fine. I’ll pay with my card. You really should put signs up, or tell people they can’t pay with cash, though.”

    (I looks at the four signs individually, and then back to the customer.)

    Me: “You’re right. Signs on the machine might help. Or I should start telling customers when they walk up to the machine.”

    Customer: “Yes, you should! It would have saved me a lot of time and hassle!”

    Related:
    Currently, They Cannot See Currency

    A Taxing Interview

    | England, UK | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Top

    (I’m supposed to be doing interviews for a new babysitter within the hour. I quickly run out to the local supermarket to pick up a few supplies, such as biscuits and coffee for the interviewees. There is a very long line. It’s my turn to be rung up, when another customer approaches me.)

    Other Customer: “Hi, sorry, but can I just skip the queue in front of you? I’ve got a very important meeting soon.”

    Me: “Sorry, but I’m in a bit of a rush myself you see, I—”

    Other Customer: “Now you listen here you ungrateful b****! You are not in as much of a rush as me! I have a very important meeting soon! Do you know what that means? It means I have the opportunity to get a job, unlike you, you lazy b****! You probably just live off of benefits; wasting tax-payer’s money, buying s*** that you don’t even deserve! I have a job opportunity that you will never have!”

    Employee: “Excuse me, miss; I’m going to have to ask you to leave right now!”

    Other Customer: “I will not leave! Kick her out; she’s the one wasting our taxes!”

    (Security escorts her out.)

    Me: “Thank you! What a b****!”

    Employee: “Tell me about it! Are you okay?”

    Me: “Yes, I’m fine thanks!”

    (I return home half an hour later, just 10 minutes before my first interviewee is due. Lo and behold, it turns out to be the rude customer from the shop. It turns out that the important meeting she had was with me. Not surprisingly, she didn’t get the job.)

    Customer Service Stripped Bare

    | Clifton, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I have a line of three customers on my register. Customer #1 is a good looking man in his early twenties. Customers #2 and #3 are elderly women.)

    Me: “Your total is $15.87.”

    Customer #1: “Do you take credit card?”

    Me: “Yes, just push the top button and slide your card through.”

    (Customer #1 pushes the button and slides his card, but does it the wrong way. I am bagging his items, so I don’t see this until he has tried three times.)

    Me: “Strip down, facing me.”

    (Customer #1 blushes, and I immediately realize what I’ve just said. I’m about to apologize to the elderly ladies for being risqué when…)

    Customer #2: “Yeah, honey, show us what you’ve got!”


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