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    If They Were Good At Math They Wouldn’t Gamble

    | ME, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    (I work as a cashier for the only supermarket in town. A couple comes in and buys cigarettes, alcohol, sandwiches and lottery tickets.)

    Man: “I would like to cash this lottery ticket in.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem.”

    (I bring the ticket to the scanner, and it rings in as a $50.00 winner.)

    Me: “Would you like me to deduct the winnings from your purchase, or have the cash?”

    Woman: “Just deduct it from the purchase.”

    (I deduct the $50.00, and ring in the rest of the groceries. After the deduction, the order comes up to about $35.00, and they give me a $50.00 bill.)

    Me: “Here’s your change, $15.00. Thank you, have a great day!”

    Woman: “Hey! You didn’t give us all our change back! Where’s our $50.00?!”

    Me: “Your order came up to $35.00, in which I gave you $15.00 in change, because the $50.00 was deducted in the beginning.”

    Man: “But our order didn’t f****** come up to that much!”

    Me: “Well, you have $30.00 worth of scratch tickets, alcohol, groceries, sandwiches, and cigarettes. The whole order would’ve come up to about $85.00 altogether.”

    Man: “But where’s our f****** $50.00?!”

    Me: “Sir, if I had given you the $50.00 cash, and the whole order came up to $85.00, in which you would’ve given me two $50.00 dollar bills, and I would’ve given you $15.00 in change still.”

    Woman: “What the h*** are you talking about? We still didn’t buy that much! You must’ve overcharged us! I demand your manager!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the manager is not present at the moment. I will ring your purchase, and your receipt will show that I have not overcharged you.”

    (I print the receipt, and show them that the $50.00 was deducted in the beginning at their request, and the rest of the groceries were expensive still.)

    Man: “You know what? You don’t know how to do your simple f****** job! No wonder you’re just a cashier and not in college!”

    Me: “Sir, if you’d wish, you can leave your name and number with me, and I will give you a refund if we find my drawer is any money over tomorrow.)

    Woman: “Forget it, you stupid b****!”

    Man: “Just keep it, you greedy a**-hole!”

    (They both storm out with their groceries. I ask the next day and the drawer did not come up over. When they came in next, they were given a lecture on how they spoke to me.)

    Stupidity Can Permeate

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I am working a ten-hour shift in a supermarket, and it’s my job to make sure all the checkouts are running smoothly.)

    Customer: “I was just enquiring about my free gift!”

    Me: “Free gift?”

    Customer: “Yeah, there was a sign next to where I picked up the milk, it said ‘something’ free. I want my free gift!”

    Me: “I’m not sure about any promotions with our milk, but let me go to the milk fridge and check for you.”

    (I go down to the milk fridge to check the customers query, and notice the ticket says “Permeate Free”. It is this new change to Australian milk, which now is free of a certain chemical that used to prolong the life of milk. I head back up to the counter.)

    Customer: “About time you came back! WHERE’S MY FREE GIFT!”

    Me: “Uhm, ma’am, the ‘gift’ you were enquiring about was our ‘permeate free’ condition.”

    Customer: “I don’t care; give me my free permeate!”

    Me: “Permeate is an additive of milk, and not a promotion. I can’t give that to you.”

    (The customer doesn’t even acknowledge my response out of embarrassment, and quickly pays for her groceries and flees the store. The next customer has been paying attention to this whole argument.)

    Next Customer: “Can I have my free permeate as well? Haha, only joking. What a knob!”

    Trolling Down The Aisles

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

    (I am checking out a regular customer.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m okay. I bet you’re miserable.”

    Me: “No, I’m pretty good actually, but there’s still time.”

    Customer: “Is there anything I can do to help? What’s something customers do that really p***es you off?”

    Me: “Hmm. Well, when they run off just before I’ve finished putting through their stuff to get ‘one more thing’.”

    Customer: *eyes shopping* “I’ll be back; I’ve got to get some chocolate.”

    (The customer runs off, and comes back about a minute later, just as I’ve finished scanning his things.)

    Customer: “How was that? Are you annoyed at me now?”

    Me: “Sorry, I don’t think it works if I know you’re trolling. It amuses me more than anything.”

    Customer: “Dawwww.”

    Manners Are Not Just For The Young

    | Birmingham, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Top

    (I’m the only person in the queue for the self-service tills. A woman has finished scanning her items, but is still packing them. A man comes up behind me. I look young for my age, and am dressed casually as it’s my day off. I also have red streaks in my hair from a charity day the day before.)

    Customer: “Are you queuing?”

    Me: “Yes, I am.”

    Customer: *pointing at where the woman is* “Well, are you wanting that one or not?”

    Me: “I’m waiting for the woman to finish.”

    (Instead of waiting behind me as I expect, he pushes past, goes up to the woman’s till, and starts trying to scan things through. The system won’t let him as the woman hasn’t taken her bags yet. After a few unsuccessful attempts he barges back past me and rejoins the queue.)

    Customer: “F****** kids.”

    Me: “At least this f****** kid had the manners to wait until the lady was finished.”

    Customer: *blushes*

    Being Franc About The Dollar

    | France | Geography, Money, Tourists/Travel

    (It is when the French Franc is still in use. I get called by a cashier who has a problem with American tourists.)

    Tourist: “This woman won’t accept our money!”

    (The tourist is waving about a wad of US dollars.)

    Me: “Well, she can’t, sir, since you’re trying to pay in US dollars.”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “Well, you’re in France. We only accept French Francs.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand! All the other third world countries we’ve been to accept dollars.”

    Me: “France isn’t a third world country.”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “There’s a bank right down the street. We’ll hold on to your items until you come back with Francs. Or you can pay with a visa card.”

    Customer: “No, we’re not coming back; you’re not getting our dollars!”

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