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    Digging A Conversational Hole A Rabbit Could Fit Into

    | Germany | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I am checking out a young couple’s weekly groceries. I overhear their exchange.)

    Girl #1: *puts massive pack of batteries onto the conveyor belt*

    Girl #2: “Wait, that’s really expensive! What do we even need batteries for?”

    Girl #1: *glances nervously at me* “They’re for the TV remote.”

    Girl #2: “Oh, I didn’t realise the batteries in the remote had run out. Do we need that many though? I mean what else do we have that even uses batter— Oh…”

    Snapping A Customer Who Snaps

    | Wigston, England, UK | At The Checkout, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I am in line at my local supermarket. The customer ahead of me is complaining. I am a cyclist, wearing a helmet with a camera.)

    Customer: “What the f*** is taking so long!?”

    Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, I will try to get this done as quickly as possible.”

    Customer: “I haven’t got time for this; do you know what this is?”

    (The customer backs off into a karate position.)

    Me: “Excuse me.”

    (I turn on the camera on my helmet.)

    Me: “You do know that you’re being video recorded from multiple places. Being nice to the staff is voluntary, but threatening them will get the police.”

    Customer: “F*** off, or you’ll get dead!”

    (The customer pulls out a knife, still in the wrapper. I kick it out of his hand, and he runs off. Between the supermarket and me, we have everything needed for a prosecution. My shopping was free!)

    No Manners In Line Is Out Of Line

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Top

    (I am a customer. I approach a cashier, with my children in tow.)

    Me: “Howdy, do you have any cooking sherry? I didn’t see any on the floor.”

    Cashier: “Yes, we keep it up here.”

    Customer Behind Me: “Are you really holding up the line for alcohol?”

    Me: “You mean, am I a paying customer who waited in line, without harassing the other store-goers, and is now waiting for a product that is only attained at the front of the store?”

    Customer Behind Me: “Ugh, disgusting. And your kids are standing right there, too. You’re disgusting.”

    My Six-Year-Old Daughter: “She is not disgusting! You are, for being so rude! Didn’t your mommy teach you any manners?! Be patient and wait your turn just like everybody else!”

    (The next customer in line behind the rude customer joins in.)

    Customer #2: “Seriously, stop being a jerk, and wait you’re turn.”

    Customer Behind Me: “F*** this!”

    (The customer behind me walks out.)

    Cashier: “About time someone told him off. He’s a jerk to everyone he sees.”

    My Six-Year-Old Daughter: “That guy needs to learn some manners, or he’s not gonna have any friends!”

    Hairy Situations Test Your Mettle

    | Rotterdam, The Netherlands | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (I have very long hair, which I wear in a tight bun per regulation, and I am quite obviously female. A customer walks up to me, but my back is turned.)

    Customer: “Sir?”

    (I continue my work, thinking she’s talking to a coworker nearby.)

    Customer: “Sir?”

    (I still don’t pay attention, so the customer taps my shoulder.)

    Customer: “Sir?”

    (I turn around.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    (The customer is clearly surprised.)

    Customer: “Sorry! Can you tell me where [item] is?”

    (I point the customer in the right direction. Later on, I’m cleaning one of the registers. The same customer walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Sorry about before. I really thought you were a guy.”

    Me: “That’s okay.”

    Customer: “You should really doing something about that hair. It makes you look too masculine.”

    Me: “What do you mean?”

    Customer: “You look like one of those metal heads.”

    Me: “Since when do metal heads wear their hair in buns?”

    Customer: “Never, but you still look like one!”

    The Machine Runs On Punch-Lines Of Code

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

    (I am working the self-scans, bagging a customer’s groceries. The customer puts two small plastic containers filled with olives on the belt. The self-scan is programmed not only to mention the price of an item, but also to weigh some items, and let people know if their item should be placed on the belt or not.)

    Self-Scan Machine: “Please take your item to the bagging area.”

    (The customer puts both containers on the belt instead of taking it to the bagging area, and watches as the belt doesn’t move.)

    Self-Scan Machine: “Please take your item to the bagging area.”

    (The customer puts her hand on both containers and instead of picking them up and giving them to me, she pushes them down the belt causing the self-scan to freeze.)

    Self-Scan Machine: “Please stand by. Help is on the way.”

    (The customer turns to me.)

    Customer: “Why do you need to help me?”

    Me: “Because you pushed your olives down the belt. You never have to put these on the belt. Just bring them to me so I can bag them.”

    Customer: “Oh! When the machine told me to bring these items straight down, I actually had to do it? I didn’t have to put them on the belt at all?”

    Me: “No, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I thought this machine was just joking with me.”


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