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    Trolling Down The Aisles

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

    (I am checking out a regular customer.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m okay. I bet you’re miserable.”

    Me: “No, I’m pretty good actually, but there’s still time.”

    Customer: “Is there anything I can do to help? What’s something customers do that really p***es you off?”

    Me: “Hmm. Well, when they run off just before I’ve finished putting through their stuff to get ‘one more thing’.”

    Customer: *eyes shopping* “I’ll be back; I’ve got to get some chocolate.”

    (The customer runs off, and comes back about a minute later, just as I’ve finished scanning his things.)

    Customer: “How was that? Are you annoyed at me now?”

    Me: “Sorry, I don’t think it works if I know you’re trolling. It amuses me more than anything.”

    Customer: “Dawwww.”

    Manners Are Not Just For The Young

    | Birmingham, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Top

    (I’m the only person in the queue for the self-service tills. A woman has finished scanning her items, but is still packing them. A man comes up behind me. I look young for my age, and am dressed casually as it’s my day off. I also have red streaks in my hair from a charity day the day before.)

    Customer: “Are you queuing?”

    Me: “Yes, I am.”

    Customer: *pointing at where the woman is* “Well, are you wanting that one or not?”

    Me: “I’m waiting for the woman to finish.”

    (Instead of waiting behind me as I expect, he pushes past, goes up to the woman’s till, and starts trying to scan things through. The system won’t let him as the woman hasn’t taken her bags yet. After a few unsuccessful attempts he barges back past me and rejoins the queue.)

    Customer: “F****** kids.”

    Me: “At least this f****** kid had the manners to wait until the lady was finished.”

    Customer: *blushes*

    Being Franc About The Dollar

    | France | Geography, Money, Tourists/Travel

    (It is when the French Franc is still in use. I get called by a cashier who has a problem with American tourists.)

    Tourist: “This woman won’t accept our money!”

    (The tourist is waving about a wad of US dollars.)

    Me: “Well, she can’t, sir, since you’re trying to pay in US dollars.”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “Well, you’re in France. We only accept French Francs.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand! All the other third world countries we’ve been to accept dollars.”

    Me: “France isn’t a third world country.”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “There’s a bank right down the street. We’ll hold on to your items until you come back with Francs. Or you can pay with a visa card.”

    Customer: “No, we’re not coming back; you’re not getting our dollars!”

    Politeness To Customers Is A Good Rule Of Thumb

    | Tamworth, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I’m checking out a quiet, elderly customer.)

    Me: “That’ll be £11.25, please.”

    (The customer hands me a £20 note.)

    Me: “Thank you.”

    (I turn for a few seconds to sort his change, and get his receipt.)

    Me: “Here’s your—”

    (The customer is waving his partially amputated thumb in my face.)

    Customer: “I lost that in the war you know! They gave me £30 for that! I bought my first bike with it!”

    Me: “Th-that’s lovely, sir. Here’s your receipt and change; have a nice day!”

    Digging A Conversational Hole A Rabbit Could Fit Into

    | Germany | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I am checking out a young couple’s weekly groceries. I overhear their exchange.)

    Girl #1: *puts massive pack of batteries onto the conveyor belt*

    Girl #2: “Wait, that’s really expensive! What do we even need batteries for?”

    Girl #1: *glances nervously at me* “They’re for the TV remote.”

    Girl #2: “Oh, I didn’t realise the batteries in the remote had run out. Do we need that many though? I mean what else do we have that even uses batter— Oh…”

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