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    Doing A Number On The Wrong Number

    | UK | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

    (Our home phone number is only one digit different from a local supermarket. We get about one call a month intended for them. I’m about 14 years old.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Caller: “I have a complaint.”

    Me: “Uh… this isn’t—”

    Caller: “You are all incompetent! Why is my delivery so late?”

    Me: “Look this is a private number—”

    Caller: “I have friends coming over! I’m hosting a dinner party, and I have no food because you are all useless!”

    Me: “I’m sorry but—”

    Caller: “I want to speak to your manager! I want—”

    (I give up and hang up. The phone rings almost immediately.)

    Caller: “HOW DARE YOU RANG UP ON ME, YOU B****!”

    (I hang up again. The phone rings again.)

    Caller: “GIVE ME YOUR SUPERVISOR RIGHT F****** NOW! I’M GOING TO HAVE YOUR JOB, YOU LITTLE S***!”

    Me: “Oh, you want to speak to Mum or Dad?”

    Caller: “…what?”

    Me: “Like I tried to tell you: this isn’t [shop]; this is a home number.”

    Caller: *very small voice* “…What?”

    Me: “This isn’t [supermarket].”

    Caller: “But… but… I called them! WHY ARE YOU ANSWERING THEIR PHONE!?”

    (I hang up again, and tell my dad he is answering if she calls back. She does. It is a very short conversation.)

    Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 5

    | UK | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

    (I am a female and have worked in the same supermarket for the past five years. I used to be blond, but I decide to dye my hair red. Most people have commented about how they like the new color, and how it suits me, and how they don’t recognize me.)

    Customer: “Oh, I see you have dyed your hair. I almost didn’t recognize you.”

    Me: “Yeah, I was fed up with the original color, so I went for a change.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t like it. I want you to change it right now.”

    Me: “You want me to leave work and pay to have my hair dyed a different color because you don’t like it?”

    Customer: “Yes, why is that a problem?”

    (The customer then stands there for another five minutes waiting for me to leave the till to go re-dye my hair.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I cannot leave my till until I finish work.”

    Customer: “Well that is just rude. I expect your hair color to be different when I next come in.”

    (The customer walks off. I look at my coworker, who looks just as confused as me.)

    Coworker: “Did that really just happen?”

    Related:
    Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 4
    Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 3
    Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 2
    Makes You Want To Dye A Little

    Saving Money And Wasting Time

    | Brighton, England, UK | At The Checkout, Money

    (I work for a supermarket that has launched a ‘price promise.’ If you spend more in the supermarket than you might have spent in a competitors, the till system automatically prints a coupon for the difference. If you saved money over shopping with competitors, it prints a little ‘for information’ slip to tell you how much money you saved over going elsewhere.)

    Me: “That’s £14.87 please, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh! I have this coupon! I can save 50p!”

    (The customer hands me a ‘for information’ slip that is not actually a coupon.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid that’s an advice slip. You already saved your 50p on your last shop.”

    Customer: “Exactly. So I get 50p off now, right?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. This piece of paper says ‘You saved 50p’ and is for information only. If it was a coupon, it would have the writing ‘Save 50p off your next shop!’ instead.”

    Customer: “So it’s a coupon?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. It’s for information. If it was a coupon it would have the text as I described, and also a barcode beneath for me to scan to apply that discount. As there is no barcode, regrettably it is not a coupon, and unfortunately I cannot credit you with this 50p.”

    Customer: “So why did they give me a coupon to save me money if I can’t actually save any money?”

    Customer’s Husband: “FOR LORD’S SAKE, WOMAN! The lady has very nicely tried to explain several times that THIS IS NOT A COUPON. You ALREADY saved your money, so you can’t save it twice. Can we PLEASE just pay and go before people start questioning why I’ve not divorced you yet?”

    Customer: “Oh. Sorry, dear.” *to me* “Sorry to you too, dear! I don’t understand why they gave me a coupon I can’t spend, though.”

    Customer’s Husband & Me: “It’s not a coupon.”

    If They Were Good At Math They Wouldn’t Gamble

    | ME, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    (I work as a cashier for the only supermarket in town. A couple comes in and buys cigarettes, alcohol, sandwiches and lottery tickets.)

    Man: “I would like to cash this lottery ticket in.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem.”

    (I bring the ticket to the scanner, and it rings in as a $50.00 winner.)

    Me: “Would you like me to deduct the winnings from your purchase, or have the cash?”

    Woman: “Just deduct it from the purchase.”

    (I deduct the $50.00, and ring in the rest of the groceries. After the deduction, the order comes up to about $35.00, and they give me a $50.00 bill.)

    Me: “Here’s your change, $15.00. Thank you, have a great day!”

    Woman: “Hey! You didn’t give us all our change back! Where’s our $50.00?!”

    Me: “Your order came up to $35.00, in which I gave you $15.00 in change, because the $50.00 was deducted in the beginning.”

    Man: “But our order didn’t f****** come up to that much!”

    Me: “Well, you have $30.00 worth of scratch tickets, alcohol, groceries, sandwiches, and cigarettes. The whole order would’ve come up to about $85.00 altogether.”

    Man: “But where’s our f****** $50.00?!”

    Me: “Sir, if I had given you the $50.00 cash, and the whole order came up to $85.00, in which you would’ve given me two $50.00 dollar bills, and I would’ve given you $15.00 in change still.”

    Woman: “What the h*** are you talking about? We still didn’t buy that much! You must’ve overcharged us! I demand your manager!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the manager is not present at the moment. I will ring your purchase, and your receipt will show that I have not overcharged you.”

    (I print the receipt, and show them that the $50.00 was deducted in the beginning at their request, and the rest of the groceries were expensive still.)

    Man: “You know what? You don’t know how to do your simple f****** job! No wonder you’re just a cashier and not in college!”

    Me: “Sir, if you’d wish, you can leave your name and number with me, and I will give you a refund if we find my drawer is any money over tomorrow.)

    Woman: “Forget it, you stupid b****!”

    Man: “Just keep it, you greedy a**-hole!”

    (They both storm out with their groceries. I ask the next day and the drawer did not come up over. When they came in next, they were given a lecture on how they spoke to me.)

    Stupidity Can Permeate

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I am working a ten-hour shift in a supermarket, and it’s my job to make sure all the checkouts are running smoothly.)

    Customer: “I was just enquiring about my free gift!”

    Me: “Free gift?”

    Customer: “Yeah, there was a sign next to where I picked up the milk, it said ‘something’ free. I want my free gift!”

    Me: “I’m not sure about any promotions with our milk, but let me go to the milk fridge and check for you.”

    (I go down to the milk fridge to check the customers query, and notice the ticket says “Permeate Free”. It is this new change to Australian milk, which now is free of a certain chemical that used to prolong the life of milk. I head back up to the counter.)

    Customer: “About time you came back! WHERE’S MY FREE GIFT!”

    Me: “Uhm, ma’am, the ‘gift’ you were enquiring about was our ‘permeate free’ condition.”

    Customer: “I don’t care; give me my free permeate!”

    Me: “Permeate is an additive of milk, and not a promotion. I can’t give that to you.”

    (The customer doesn’t even acknowledge my response out of embarrassment, and quickly pays for her groceries and flees the store. The next customer has been paying attention to this whole argument.)

    Next Customer: “Can I have my free permeate as well? Haha, only joking. What a knob!”

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