October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Sexy Money

| Sweden | At The Checkout, Language & Words, Money, Rude & Risque

(The Swedish word for the number six is ‘sex.’ The cashier is just about to charge an elderly couple for their groceries.)

Cashier: “That’s 106 kronor.”

(The old man hands him a 100 kronor bill.)

Cashier: “I need six kronor more.”

Old Man: *to cashier* “What did you say?”

Old Woman: “He said he wanted sex.”

Cashier: *getting red but trying to smile* “Six kronor more.”

Old Man: “What?”

Old Woman: *loudly* “He said he wants sex!”

(Both the queue behind them and the queue for the other register go silent and stare.)

Cashier: *loudly* “Kronor!”

Old Man: *loudly* “Speak up woman!”

Old Woman: *almost screaming* “THE CASHIER WANTS SEX FROM YOU!”

Cashier: *screaming* “SIX KRONOR!”

They Are Tea-Total

| Hobart, TAS, Australia | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Language & Words

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these two boxes of tea.”

Me: “Sure, no problem. Did you just change your mind?”

Customer: “No. Actually, I sent my daughter to the store to get some tea, meaning something for dinner, and she returned with this drinking tea. I don’t actually need it.”

Stick To Your Guns And Don’t Make The Sale

| San Diego, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

(About 15 years ago I worked in a very popular super retail store that had a sporting goods section that had just stopped selling guns and only sold pellet rifles and paintball guns.)

Customer: “Hello, I’d like to buy a gun.”

Me: “Well, we don’t have any guns anymore. We do have pellet rifles. What did you want it for?”

Customer: “Oh, um, there’s a coyote that has been getting into my yard and I wanted to get rid of it.”

Me: “Hmm… Well, a pellet rifle might scare it off so it won’t come back?”

Customer: “Oh. Well, it’s really for my neighbor’s dog.”

Me: “I see… Well, I don’t think I can help with that.”

Customer: “Actually, it’s for my neighbor.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “He’s a jerk.”

An Off-Color Purchase

| Dedham, MA, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

(I work in the beer and wine department of a large supermarket chain. A very elderly customer comes in a couple times a month and asks us to give him two different white wines, six bottles of each. This day, he approaches me.)

Customer: “Could you help me? I want two red wines, six bottles of each.”

Me: “What do you typically like?”

Customer: “I don’t care. What do you think I’ll like?”

(I suggest a couple wines, he takes them without complaint.)

Customer: “You know, for ten years I’ve been drinking nothing but white wine, because I didn’t want to spill it and stain the carpet. But you know what I realized? F*** it!”

This Stuff Shouldn’t Phase(r) You Any More

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Technology

(In our store we order our products by scanning the shelf labels with a device that shoots a laser to read the barcode. I’m in the refrigerated juice section of the store and have just scanned a label when a middle-aged customer walks up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Did you just do what I think you did?”

Me: “I’m just ordering something.”

Customer: *wide-eyed* “Did you just taser that orange juice?”

(I look at the scanner in my hand.)

Me: “Um, if you mean I scanned it, then, I guess so.”

Customer: “Well, it looks like it’s not moving so it must have worked. Great job!”

(After the customer happily wanders away my coworker, who saw the whole thing, comes up to me)

Coworker: “Maybe you should set it to ‘stun’ next time.”

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