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    A Lack Of Branding Understanding

    | CT, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I’ve just finished ringing up a whole shopping cart’s worth of groceries for a customer. As usual, I tell her the total and ask if she has any coupons. She hands me a stack of over 20 of them. When the first one doesn’t scan as valid, I start checking her bags to see why the system isn’t recognizing the coupon.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t see the [Yogurt Brand #1] yogurt that’s here on this coupon. You only bought the [Yogurt Brand #2]. Is that right?”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s right.”

    Me: “Okay, because the coupon is only valid for [Yogurt #1]. Sorry.” *handing it back to her*

    Customer: “Yeah, I know, but I don’t like [Yogurt #1]. I like [Yogurt #2].”

    Me: “Well, then unfortunately, you won’t be able to use this coupon. Sorry.” *still trying to hand it back to her*

    Customer: “Excuse me? Why the h*** not?”

    Me: “Umm… well, because you can’t apply one company’s coupon to another company’s product.”

    Customer: “But yogurt is yogurt. Why do you care which one I buy?”

    Me: “I don’t, but the [Yogurt #1] company won’t reimburse the store for a discount on [Yogurt #2]‘s goods. It’s only for that one specific brand, not for yogurt in general.”

    Customer: “But I don’t like [Yogurt #1] and I shouldn’t have to pay more just to get the [Yogurt #2] that I like. Just apply the damn coupon already and stop trying to be a coupon Nazi!”

    (At this point, I give up and call over the front-end supervisor. I explain the situation and he takes a look at the coupon. He tells her the same thing I did and she starts throwing a hissy fit about not liking Yogurt #1.)

    Supervisor: “Okay, ma’am, please stay calm. It’s only 60 cents, so I’ll apply the discount manually, but please remember next time to either purchase the brand of yogurt on the coupon or just buy the brand you like without a coupon.”

    Customer: “Finally! Was that so hard?!”

    (The supervisor walks away and I start scanning the rest of her coupons. The very next one gives me the same error. A chill goes down my spine, dreading the answer to my next question.)

    Me: “Ma’am, did you buy [Cereal Brand #1]? I only see [Cereal Brand #2] on your receipt.”

    Customer: “But I don’t like [Cereal #2], so give me the discount on [Cereal #1] instead.”

    (Silently appalled, I glare down at the half-inch-thick stack of coupons she gave me.)

    Me: “Do… do ANY of these coupons match the brand you bought, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I doubt it. I hate those mainstream brands of food. Too many preservatives and glutens. But who cares what I buy? Stop being a coupon Nazi!”

    (I call over the supervisor again. He refuses to give any more discounts on her unmatched coupons and hands the stack back to her. Out of nowhere, she smacks his hand away, making the coupons fly all over the floor.)

    Customer: “Well, fine. Then f*** you and f*** your store and f*** all you stupid f****** coupon Nazis! Nazis, Nazis, Nazis!”

    (She storms away and out the door, leaving her groceries. Everyone at the registers watches her through the windows barking ‘Nazis!’ at every person she passes in the parking lot. Meanwhile, the next customer is picking up the coupons that the woman scattered on the floor in front of him. He hands them to me in two stacks.)

    Customer #2: “Here you go. You can take the small pile and put them somewhere. But the bigger pile is stuff I actually have in my cart to buy today, so I’ll be using those coupons.” *faces out the window* “Thank you, crazy coupon lady!”

    Acting Bittersweet About The Sweets

    | Serbia | Extra Stupid, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I was working as a promoter for a [Popular Brand] inside a supermarket telling people that they can buy certain items within the brand for a certain amount of money and then receive a gift at the front. I explain this to one woman.)

    Customer: “Do dark chocolates count?”

    Me: “Yes, they certainly do.”

    Customer: “But they didn’t count last week.”

    Me: “I wasn’t aware of that; I worked in a different store last week, but I assure you, you will receive your gift if you buy the dark chocolates.”

    (The woman was still suspicious, so I showed her the list of products that I had in my hand.)

    Customer: “What about the one for cooking?”

    Me: “Yes, that one counts as well.”

    Customer: “But they didn’t count last week!”"

    Me: “Again, I know nothing about that.”

    (I show her my list again.)

    Customer: “How much is it?”

    Me: “I’m not sure. It’s around [price], but if you look over there, just a couple of meters away, you’ll see the exact price.”

    Customer: “How do you not know the price? You work here.”

    Me: “Actually, I don’t work in the supermarket. I don’t even work for [Popular Brand]. I work for a marketing agency that was hired by the brand. I work in different stores every week and the prices vary.”

    Customer: “You know, I’m older and, therefore, wiser, so I’ll forgive you this time, but there are all sorts of idiots out there that are going to make a fuss about something as trivial as this. I would advise you to try and do your job a little better next time. But it’s okay.”

    (She kissed me on the cheek, smiled a fake smile, and walked away without the chocolates.)

    Sexy Money

    | Sweden | At The Checkout, Language & Words, Money, Rude & Risque

    (The Swedish word for the number six is ‘sex.’ The cashier is just about to charge an elderly couple for their groceries.)

    Cashier: “That’s 106 kronor.”

    (The old man hands him a 100 kronor bill.)

    Cashier: “I need six kronor more.”

    Old Man: *to cashier* “What did you say?”

    Old Woman: “He said he wanted sex.”

    Cashier: *getting red but trying to smile* “Six kronor more.”

    Old Man: “What?”

    Old Woman: *loudly* “He said he wants sex!”

    (Both the queue behind them and the queue for the other register go silent and stare.)

    Cashier: *loudly* “Kronor!”

    Old Man: *loudly* “Speak up woman!”

    Old Woman: *almost screaming* “THE CASHIER WANTS SEX FROM YOU!”

    Cashier: *screaming* “SIX KRONOR!”

    They Are Tea-Total

    | Hobart, TAS, Australia | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these two boxes of tea.”

    Me: “Sure, no problem. Did you just change your mind?”

    Customer: “No. Actually, I sent my daughter to the store to get some tea, meaning something for dinner, and she returned with this drinking tea. I don’t actually need it.”

    Stick To Your Guns And Don’t Make The Sale

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

    (About 15 years ago I worked in a very popular super retail store that had a sporting goods section that had just stopped selling guns and only sold pellet rifles and paintball guns.)

    Customer: “Hello, I’d like to buy a gun.”

    Me: “Well, we don’t have any guns anymore. We do have pellet rifles. What did you want it for?”

    Customer: “Oh, um, there’s a coyote that has been getting into my yard and I wanted to get rid of it.”

    Me: “Hmm… Well, a pellet rifle might scare it off so it won’t come back?”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, it’s really for my neighbor’s dog.”

    Me: “I see… Well, I don’t think I can help with that.”

    Customer: “Actually, it’s for my neighbor.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “He’s a jerk.”

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