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  • Bigotry Is Not On The Menu
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  • Literally Going Nowhere

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi ma’am, what can I help you with today?”

    Customer: “It’s this stupid GPS watch that I bought. What a big waste of money!  It doesn’t even work.”

    Me: “What’s the problem with it?”

    Customer: “It shows the time, but not now how far I ran. I was running on the treadmill for over 30 minutes!”

    The Cup Is Definitely Half Empty

    | North Syracuse, NY, USA | Uncategorized

    (A woman and her twelve year-old son are buying hockey equipment.)

    Me: “Okay, you’ll also need a cup & supporter for him.”

    Customer: “How do I know what size he needs?”

    Me: “The supporter is based on his waist size. Do you know his waist size?”

    Customer: “Yes, but how do I know what size the cup should be for him?”

    Me: “Well, you’d know better than me! I’d recommend the teen size.”

    Customer: “No. If he’s anything like his father, he’ll need an extra-small.”

    Ironically, He Works With Balls…

    | Sparks, NV, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I’m going to be pitching for my softball team, and I need a cup and jockstrap.”

    Me: “Sure thing, they’re right over here.”

    Customer: “How do you know what size to get?”

    Me: “The jockstraps are measured by waistband size. All the cups are the same size.”

    Customer: “Those cups are all huge! There’s no way I can fill one of those up!”

    Me: “…”

    It (Almost) Never Hurts To Check

    , | Baltimore, MD, USA | Top

    Customer: “Let me see that knife in the case.”

    Me: “Here ya go.”

    Customer: “I don’t think this knife is sharp enough.”

    Me: “Really? ”

    (The customer pulls the blade across his palm, slicing his hand open and spilling blood all over the floor.)

    Customer: “I guess it is.”

    Me: “Would you like some paper towels?”

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