(I am a female employee at a sporting goods store. A elderly male with a noticeable limp comes in.)

Me: “Hello, can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “Yes. I need something for support.”

Me: “Oh, yes, we keep all of the supporters on this wall.”

(I indicate the various supporters: knees, shins, etc. He begins to look at the different kinds, before picking up a simple knee strap that is basically a thin velcro band. He opens and examines it.)

Customer: “So this just straps around?”

Me: “Yes, sir. It’s got velcro on the back so you can adjust the size and fasten it.”

(There is a long pause as he looks like he’s trying to figure out how it works.)

Customer: “So, how does this protect the testicles?”

(I promptly direct him towards the cups and find a male employee to help him.)

(I am a saleswoman who had to organize the men’s underwear about 10 minutes before a customer walked in.)

Me: “Hello ma’am, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I need [pair of underwear] in a size medium.”

Me: “I am terribly sorry, but we are out of that particular size in that brand.”

Customer: “No, I do not believe you. Can you not check?”

Me: “I can assure you I organized the underwear not too long ago, but I would love to check for you. If we do not have it, I can order it for you.”

(I recheck, and the underwear is not there.)

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, would you like me to order it for you?”

Customer: “No, I will go somewhere else.”

(As she leaves, she passes by my manager.)

Customer: *whispering loudly* “Do you know your female employee spends her free time in men’s underwear?”

Manager: “Do you know I make her?”

Customer: “Hi I need to return this.” *hands over an opened and clearly worn jock cup*

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, this is a completely non-returnable item.”

Customer: “I called and you said your return policy is 30 days with receipt.”

Me: “That’s except for jocks and mouth-guards. Cashiers tell you at the time of purchase that they’re completely non-returnable.”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t understand. So, there’s nothing you can do for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry. It’s store policy based on our health-code.”

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know that my little boy would have such a big wee-wee?” *grabs her very embarrassed-looking son and leaves*

Me: “Hi ma’am, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “It’s this stupid GPS watch that I bought. What a big waste of money!  It doesn’t even work.”

Me: “What’s the problem with it?”

Customer: “It shows the time, but not now how far I ran. I was running on the treadmill for over 30 minutes!”

(A woman and her twelve year-old son are buying hockey equipment.)

Me: “Okay, you’ll also need a cup & supporter for him.”

Customer: “How do I know what size he needs?”

Me: “The supporter is based on his waist size. Do you know his waist size?”

Customer: “Yes, but how do I know what size the cup should be for him?”

Me: “Well, you’d know better than me! I’d recommend the teen size.”

Customer: “No. If he’s anything like his father, he’ll need an extra-small.”