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    Honesty Is The Best Policy

    | California, USA | Holidays

    (Note: this occurs right after Christmas.)

    Customer: “Where is my order? I placed it Friday night and I chose Next Day Air, but I waited all day on Saturday and the deliveryman never showed up!”

    Me: “Ma’am, [delivery company] does not deliver on weekends. Our shipping policy also clearly states that all processing times and shipping times are in business days.”

    Customer: “I don’t have time to read your stupid shipping policy! You guys should have known what I wanted and told me if my order wasn’t going to be here Saturday!”

    Me: “We can only process orders based on information provided to us. If you had noted in the comments that you needed it by Christmas, we could have called you notified you that it would not have been possible.”

    Customer: “Don’t argue with me! I’m the stupid customer! I just press the buttons, give you my money, and you need to make it work!”

    Check Out The Living Minerals Aisle

    | North Carolina, USA | Pets & Animals, Technology

    (I work in the fishing department at a sporting goods store. We usually get calls asking our opinion on what equipment to use.)

    Caller: “Hi, is this the fishing department?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “I need to know the best rod and reel to use to catch a rocktail fish.”

    Me: “Where is it you are trying to catch it?”

    Caller: “Oh, it’s a fish in Runescape. So, what should I use?”

    (Note: I don’t play Runescape, but know that it’s a computer game.)

    Me: “Sir, are you asking advice on what rod/reel to catch a digital fish?”

    Caller: “Oh… I didn’t really think this through, did I?”

    More Pressing Issues

    | Fayetteville, AR, USA | Rude & Risque

    (I am a female employee at a sporting goods store. A elderly male with a noticeable limp comes in.)

    Me: “Hello, can I help you find anything?”

    Customer: “Yes. I need something for support.”

    Me: “Oh, yes, we keep all of the supporters on this wall.”

    (I indicate the various supporters: knees, shins, etc. He begins to look at the different kinds, before picking up a simple knee strap that is basically a thin velcro band. He opens and examines it.)

    Customer: “So this just straps around?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. It’s got velcro on the back so you can adjust the size and fasten it.”

    (There is a long pause as he looks like he’s trying to figure out how it works.)

    Customer: “So, how does this protect the testicles?”

    (I promptly direct him towards the cups and find a male employee to help him.)

    Some Behavior Is Beyond Brief

    | Rye Town, NY, USA |

    (I am a saleswoman who had to organize the men’s underwear about 10 minutes before a customer walked in.)

    Me: “Hello ma’am, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I need [pair of underwear] in a size medium.”

    Me: “I am terribly sorry, but we are out of that particular size in that brand.”

    Customer: “No, I do not believe you. Can you not check?”

    Me: “I can assure you I organized the underwear not too long ago, but I would love to check for you. If we do not have it, I can order it for you.”

    (I recheck, and the underwear is not there.)

    Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, would you like me to order it for you?”

    Customer: “No, I will go somewhere else.”

    (As she leaves, she passes by my manager.)

    Customer: *whispering loudly* “Do you know your female employee spends her free time in men’s underwear?”

    Manager: “Do you know I make her?”

    One Mother, One Cup

    | Springfield, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Money

    Customer: “Hi I need to return this.” *hands over an opened and clearly worn jock cup*

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, this is a completely non-returnable item.”

    Customer: “I called and you said your return policy is 30 days with receipt.”

    Me: “That’s except for jocks and mouth-guards. Cashiers tell you at the time of purchase that they’re completely non-returnable.”

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t understand. So, there’s nothing you can do for me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. It’s store policy based on our health-code.”

    Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know that my little boy would have such a big wee-wee?” *grabs her very embarrassed-looking son and leaves*

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