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    Can’t Compete With Common Sense

    | PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Money

    (My supervisor is filling in for a cashier. A customer checking out hands him a coupon from one of our competitor stores. Corporate has recently told us we can only match it if we have a similar coupon running, which we don’t for this one.)

    Customer: “You ALWAYS take competitor coupons!”

    Supervisor: “Unfortunately, sir, we can’t honor this one.”

    Customer: “Well, what’s stopping me from taking this coupon and buying this same item from THEIR store?”

    Supervisor: “What a novel idea.”

    (The customer walked out without another word.)

    That Kind Of Behavior Is Just Not Cricket, Part 2

    | UK | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Military, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am a customer. I witness an argument at one of the tills over a false label on an expensive cricket set. It appears as though the label has been attached by the customer. It is obviously written in green felt tip and not real.)

    Customer: “Why won’t you give me the discount?”

    Employee: “Because this is obviously a fake label.”

    Customer: “HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF BEING A SCAM ARTIST! GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

    (The employee fetches a manager.)

    Manager: “Sir, we are not going to sell you a set that costs £189.99 for only £15. This is obviously not a real label.”

    (The customer takes a bat out of the pack and raises it in a threatening motion.)

    Customer: “GIVE IT TO ME FOR FREE OR I’LL BREAK YOUR SKULLS!”

    (Suddenly, out of nowhere, a random customer who is just walking past grabs the bat. He moves it round the unruly customer’s shoulder, flooring the bad customer and disarming him in one motion. The random customer goes right up to his face.)

    Random Customer: “Buddy, you ain’t gonna get s*** unless you calm down and learn to be an honest man instead of a p***k. F*** off.”

    (The unruly customer gets up and runs off, only to be grabbed by security and arrested a few minutes later. The good customer was given a £100 gift card and was even offered a job as a security guard! He declined, saying it was his duty to be a good citizen. I found out he was an ex-colonel in the British army and had been in tougher situations than that.)

    Related:
    That Kind Of Behavior Is Just Not Cricket

    Cease-Fire Is Over When You Can’t Be Fired

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Top

    (I am working my very first shift at a new job. The coworker training me has stepped out to make a call. A middle-aged customer comes up to the counter looking cross. As he does a young woman comes through the door and sees him.)

    Young Woman: “Oh, no! Oh, no, no, no! No you don’t!”

    (The man turns around to face her in shock.)

    Young Woman: “Not a chance! You came in here every single day for a year just to bully and ridicule me! You made me wait on you hand and foot, and complained the whole time, and you’ve yet to actually buy anything! Every day that you came in here—and made my life h***—I went home and cried! You are nothing but a mean, pathetic loser, and I’ll be d***** if I let you treat this poor girl the way you treated me!”

    Customer: “EXCUSE ME? YOU WILL BE FIRED FOR THIS YOU WORTHLESS B****!”

    Young Woman: “Nope, not this time a**-hole! I don’t work here anymore. I got into college. I’m going to make something of myself. Now you go back to your sad angry little life, and don’t you dare harass anyone who works here again!”

    (The man turns red, but leaves. The woman comes up to the counter smiling brightly.)

    Young Woman: “Hey, you must be the new girl! I used to work here; just dropped by to pick up my last pay-check.”

    (She notices my shocked expression.)

    Young Woman: “I’ve been bottling that up for a long time. He shouldn’t bother you again.”

    He Jumped The Gun

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid

    (A man bursts through the doors in a panic.)

    Man: “Did you need me to call the police?”

    (I am very confused.)

    Me: “What?”

    Man: “That must have been terrifying! How much did he take?”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not sure what you’re talking about. Slow down.”

    Man: “I was walking down the street when I saw a guy walk out of here carrying a gun!”

    (I stare at him for several seconds.)

    Me: “Sir, have you looked around? Did you see our sign on the way in?”

    Man: “No, why?”

    Me: “Sir, this is a gun store. He bought it here.”

    Miss Management (Not Mrs)

    | AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers, Money, Top

    (A couple comes up to my checkout with a large amount of sporting goods.)

    Me: “Wow, looks like someone’s getting all their holiday shopping taken care of. Your total is [over $200].”

    Customer: “Ugh, no, it isn’t. My husband here is a manager with your company, so we get the employee discount.”

    Me: “Okay…” *leans over to the paging system* “Manager to register two, please.”

    Customer: *surprised* “Why did you just call a manager?”

    Me: “Because you said you and your husband were getting the employee discount.”

    Customer: “Oh, what, and you don’t believe me? You think my husband can’t be a manager because we’re [race], is that it?!”

    Me: “Huh? What are you talking about?”

    Customer: “I’m talking about you calling the manager on us because you’re a f***ing racist. I’ll have you know we drive a BMW and have a lot more money than anyone here, especially a minimum wage nobody like you!”

    (She goes on verbally attacking me, insulting my appearance, and just sounding generally crazy. Her husband is quietly standing behind her looking very nervous, but puts a restraining hand on her when she threatens to come behind the counter and teach me a lesson. At some point, the manager I paged approaches the counter.)

    Manager: “Hey, how come you called?”

    Customer: “Are you the manager? I have a complaint! Your employee here is a racist and should be fired for discrimination!”

    Manager: “What happened?”

    Customer: “Little-Miss-Hair-In-Her-Face over here called a manager when I told her my husband was getting the employee discount. We shop here all the time and we’ve never been treated with such disrespect.”

    Manager: “Okay. Well, we can give you a discount once we get this cleared up.”

    Customer: *shoots a smug nasty look at me*

    Manager: “So, since you shop here all the time and work for our company, of course you know that in order to get checked out with an employee discount a store manager has to enter his number and authorization code. Now, I just need his employee number and you’re set.”

    Customer: “…What?”

    Manager: “The employee identification number, we all have one in our system. He does have one, right?”

    Customer: “When I said he worked here, I was just kidding. But she called a manager because she’s a racist!”

    Manager: “No, you weren’t kidding. You were trying to scam her. She called me because she was following the procedure to prevent people like you from getting away with it. I’m voiding your transaction. Please leave.”

    Customer: “Oh, yeah? We’ll go to the news! Once everyone hears how racist this place is your store will be shut down!”

    (The customer’s husband, who has been frozen in silence up until this point, suddenly speaks up.)

    Husband: “No, you absolutely will not. You’ve already embarrassed us enough and dragged me into your bull****. Don’t even think about dragging me onto TV! I like this store. Now how am I supposed to show my face here? It’s bad enough to have a crazy, meana** girlfriend who lies like she breathes, but every time I take you out I’m lucky if the cops don’t get called. Now get in my crappy Volvo everyone can see from the window. I’m taking you home!”

    (Just as the customer’s ‘husband’ said, he was not only not an employee, but he wasn’t even married to her. He came back to the store a few days later and apologized for her behavior, and told us he had dumped her that evening. Because he was so nice about it my manager told him he wasn’t banned, and when the guy tried to purchase some of the items he’d been trying to pick up the last time my manager gave him a small discount.)

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