Baaah-laboring The Obvious

, | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you have any kid’s shoes?”

Me: *thinking she’s referring to a similar-sounding brand* “Yes. They are right over here.”

Customer: “No, not these. Kid’s shoes!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. The youth department is over here.”

Customer: “No, not kid’s, kid’s!”

Me: “I’m sorry, are you looking for the brand, or kid’s shoes?”

Customer: “Kid’s!”

Me: *showing her the brand* “Is this what you are looking for?”

Customer: “Yes. Do you have them in kid’s?”

Me: “No, we do not have kid’s sizes.

Customer: “I am not looking for kid’s sizes! I am looking for some to fit me!”

Me: *confused* “These are our adult shoes…the youth section is over there.”

Customer: “Do you even know what a kid is?”

Me: “No?”

Customer: “A kid is a baby goat! I am looking for shoes made out of baby goat skin!”

Barefoot And Barely Conscious

, | Winnipeg, Canada | Uncategorized

Manager: “*** Shoes, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Shoes? What kind of store is this? I have a bill here from you.”

Manager: “It’s a shoe store.”

Customer: “A shoe store?”

Manager: “A shoe store.”

Customer: “Shoes?”

Manager: “Yes, a shoe store.”

Customer: “A masseuse? ”

Manager: “No, a shoe store.”

Customer: “What are shoes?”

Manager: “…you wear them on your feet?”

Customer: “Shoes?” *pauses* “Oh, shoes! Oh, right! It says that right on my bill here!” *hangs up*

I Put A Spell On You… And You.. And You…

, | Canada | Uncategorized

(I’ve just helped a customer find a pair of shoes.)

Customer: “Thanks so much. It’s so great the last pair was in my size!”

Me: “Yeah, that was pretty lucky.”

Customer: *completely serious* “Oh, it wasn’t luck. I put a curse on everyone with the same shoe size as me so they wouldn’t buy these shoes.”

$20k A Year For Beer And Bongs

, | Midland, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(A bunch of college-aged frat-looking boys walk into the shoe store while I’m shopping there.)

Dude 1: “Duuuuuude this store smells like something.”

Dude 2: “I know dude, it smells like shoes!”

They Should Also Slice, Dice And Julienne Fries

, | Davis, CA, USA | Top

Customer: “I am looking for some heels, in white. They also have to be dressy, like for a wedding…”

Me: “No problem… we have some over here.”

Customer: “But I need to be able to hike in them because it’s outdoors.”

Me: “Uhh, maybe if we looked over here…”

Customer: “It also has be open, kind of like a sandal.”

Me: “We have some nice hiking sandals…”

Customer: “But it has to be waterproof because it rains a lot where we are and I need something to keep the water out.”

Me: “This might be difficult.”

Customer: “Oh! And it has to be super comfortable, with excellent arch support.”

Me: “We’re kind of limited here…”

Customer: “And no backstraps, because I have plantar fasciitis and backstraps will just hurt all day.”

Me: “So you are looking for a white pair of waterproof hiking sandals with no backstrap, but with heels and excellent arch support?”

Customer: “You forgot comfortable.”

Me: “I am sorry, could you repeat that?”

Customer: “I said I needed them to be super comfortable.”

Me: “And you’re serious? Have you ever seen shoes like this anywhere else?”

Customer: “Well, I would think that’s your job.”

Me: “I thought so too, but then again I am not a magician.”

Customer: “That is very offensive! I demand to speak to your manager!”

(Naturally, the manager was called, who promptly proceeded to laugh her out of the store.)

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