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    Barefoot And Barely Conscious

    , | Winnipeg, Canada |

    Manager: “*** Shoes, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Shoes? What kind of store is this? I have a bill here from you.”

    Manager: “It’s a shoe store.”

    Customer: “A shoe store?”

    Manager: “A shoe store.”

    Customer: “Shoes?”

    Manager: “Yes, a shoe store.”

    Customer: “A masseuse? ”

    Manager: “No, a shoe store.”

    Customer: “What are shoes?”

    Manager: “…you wear them on your feet?”

    Customer: “Shoes?” *pauses* “Oh, shoes! Oh, right! It says that right on my bill here!” *hangs up*

    I Put A Spell On You… And You.. And You…

    , | Canada |

    (I’ve just helped a customer find a pair of shoes.)

    Customer: “Thanks so much. It’s so great the last pair was in my size!”

    Me: “Yeah, that was pretty lucky.”

    Customer: *completely serious* “Oh, it wasn’t luck. I put a curse on everyone with the same shoe size as me so they wouldn’t buy these shoes.”

    $20k A Year For Beer And Bongs

    , | Midland, MI, USA |

    (A bunch of college-aged frat-looking boys walk into the shoe store while I’m shopping there.)

    Dude 1: “Duuuuuude this store smells like something.”

    Dude 2: “I know dude, it smells like shoes!”

    They Should Also Slice, Dice And Julienne Fries

    , | Davis, CA, USA | Top

    Customer: “I am looking for some heels, in white. They also have to be dressy, like for a wedding…”

    Me: “No problem… we have some over here.”

    Customer: “But I need to be able to hike in them because it’s outdoors.”

    Me: “Uhh, maybe if we looked over here…”

    Customer: “It also has be open, kind of like a sandal.”

    Me: “We have some nice hiking sandals…”

    Customer: “But it has to be waterproof because it rains a lot where we are and I need something to keep the water out.”

    Me: “This might be difficult.”

    Customer: “Oh! And it has to be super comfortable, with excellent arch support.”

    Me: “We’re kind of limited here…”

    Customer: “And no backstraps, because I have plantar fasciitis and backstraps will just hurt all day.”

    Me: “So you are looking for a white pair of waterproof hiking sandals with no backstrap, but with heels and excellent arch support?”

    Customer: “You forgot comfortable.”

    Me: “I am sorry, could you repeat that?”

    Customer: “I said I needed them to be super comfortable.”

    Me: “And you’re serious? Have you ever seen shoes like this anywhere else?”

    Customer: “Well, I would think that’s your job.”

    Me: “I thought so too, but then again I am not a magician.”

    Customer: “That is very offensive! I demand to speak to your manager!”

    (Naturally, the manager was called, who promptly proceeded to laugh her out of the store.)

    Yes, I’m 12 Feet Tall, With Horns And A Pitchfork

    , | South Carolina, USA |

    (A customer calls in 30 minutes before our store actually opens.)

    Customer: “Do you have [style of shoe] in a size 11?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, we do. Would you like me to hold it for you?”

    Customer: “No. I want to pay for it over the phone, and then come pick it up on my lunch break.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I can’t do that transaction over the phone.”

    Customer: *yelling* “WHY NOT?! I’ll come in for it sometime between noon and two; it’s for my son, I want to be sure I can get this for his birthday.”

    Me: “Like I said, I can hold it for you–”

    Customer: “I heard you, but you aren’t hearing me! I want to buy it NOW.”

    Me: “I can’t do that over the phone, I would have to see your ID along with your card to verify that it’s yours.”

    Customer: “Can’t I just tell you my name?”

    Me: “No, because anyone could read the name off the card. I have to see a photo ID.”

    Customer: “Well, can’t I tell you what I look like then?”

    Me: “Are you serious?”

    Customer: “I want to speak to your manager.”

    Me: “I am the manager, ma’am.”

    Customer: “You’re a terrible manager then. You are SO rude!”

    Me: “Yes, you’re right.” *hangs up*

    (I can’t really say I’m all that surprised she never showed up for that shoe…)

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