(We were giving away free packages of instant coffee for promotional reasons. Each package was about the size of a sugar packet.)
Customer: "What’s that?"
Me: "It’s a free package of instant coffee. Would you like one?"
Customer: "How does it work?"
Me: "Just put it in a cup, and mix it with water."
Customer: "Is the cup, and water inside the package?"
Customer’s Mother: "You’re a moron."
(I work in a shoe store, men’s department.)
Me: “Good morning, just let me know if you have any questions today.”
Customer: “Thank you. I am looking for shoes.”
Me: “Well, you are in the right store. What kind of shoes?”
Customer: “Shiny grey.”
Me: “You mean a silver shoe?”
Customer: “Exactly! But let’s just call it shiny grey.”
(A customer places shoe boxes on the counter and stares at me.)
Me: “All set then?”
Customer: “Oh, yes. School.”
Me: *slightly confused* “Uh, yeah! Yeah I can’t believe school is starting already!”
Customer: *chuckles* “Heh… yeah. School.”
Me: *more puzzled* “Yeah, I know. So soon!”
Customer: “Where’s my 20% off?”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am?”
Customer: “Your website said if that if I said the word school in your store I get 20% off my purchase.”
Me: “I don’t think you read correctly, ma’am. We don’t have any sort of sale like that going on.”
Customer: “It says that if I say school I get a discount!”
Me: “I think you were supposed to text school and get a coupon code sent to your phone.”
Customer: “Well, school. Now give me my 20%.”
Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I just can’t do that. We’re not running that kind of sale.”
Customer: “Well you should fix the internet, then! This is ridiculous!”
(We sometimes lose shoes and are stuck with one which we can’t sell. When this happens and it is a man’s shoe for the right foot, we sell them very cheaply to a war veteran who only has one leg. On this day, the veteran has just paid for one. There is a man behind him in the queue.)
Customer: “Why does he get those shoes so cheaply?”
Me: “Because he is only buying the right shoe, not a pair.”
Customer: “Why would he want just one?”
Me: “Because he only has one leg. He lost the other in combat.”
Customer: “Yeah, but even if he lost one leg, he’s still got two feet, right?”
Customer: “There is a brand that they sell only in Europe. Do you have that brand?”
Me: “It’s a shoe brand?”
Me: “And they sell it only in Europe?”
Me: “Do you know where you are?”
Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we just don’t have that brand.”