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    How Dare You Care

    | Carlsbad, CA, USA |

    (A customer is browsing around in the store.)

    Me: “Hi, are you finding everything all right?”

    Customer: “Am I finding everything all right?! What kind of a stupid question is that?”

    Me: *speechless* “Um–”

    Customer: “You know, I’ve always hated that question! I wish I could just find the son of a b**** who started that asking that question!”

    Me: *mouth open, about to say something*

    Customer: “What you’re supposed to ask is, ‘Hello sir, is there anything I could help you find?’”

    Me: *about to do as he says*

    Customer: “‘Am I finding everything all right?!’ That’s like asking me ‘How’s my life?’ How’s your life? Found everything you’re looking for? Are you happy with your life?”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “Of course not!”

    (There’s an awkward silence as I try to figure out what to say to him.)

    Customer: “Spread the word!” *exits the store*

    Me: forced smile* “Thank you, enjoy the rest of your day!”

    One Annoyed Paranoid, Part 4

    | Indiana, USA |

    Me: “Would you like to put in an email address or mailing address to receive coupons?”

    Customer: “Sure, I’ll give you my email address.”

    Customer’s friend: “No! Don’t give her your email address. People can hack you and track you down and find you with those.”

    Customer: “Oh, I guess I can’t do that then.”

    Customer’s friend: “Wait, did you say email or mailing address?”

    Me: “Either one.”

    Customer: “Well, I can go ahead and give you my mailing address then, can’t I?”

    Customer’s friend: “I don’t see why not!”

    Related:
    One Annoyed Paranoid, Part 3
    One Annoyed Paranoid, Part 2
    One Annoyed Paranoid

    Indentured Shoe-vitude

    | North Bay, ON, Canada | Spouses & Partners, Top

    (I overhear an older married couple.)

    Husband: “What are we doing here?”

    Wife: “What do you see all around you?”

    Husband: “Shoes.”

    Wife: “That’s right.”

    Husband: “Crap.”

    Sabotage By Numbers

    | Boston, MA, USA |

    (We have a rewards program that mails out free coupons for shopping. We need to verify each customer’s account in order for them to earn their coupons. There are two customers in my line, one young woman, and behind her one middle aged woman.)

    Me: “Do you receive your coupons?”

    Customer 1: “Yeah, I think so.”

    Me: “Alright, what’s your phone number?”

    Customer 1: “Oh, it’s–”

    Customer 2: “You don’t have to give that, you know.”

    (Customer 1 looks confused.)

    Me: “Well, we need to look you up so that you get credit for the purchase, and get your discounts. I can look it up by mail or email if you’d prefer. Which do you get?”

    Customer 1: “I get–”

    Customer 2: “Nope. Don’t do it. That’s how they find you. They find your pin numbers and bra size that way.”

    Customer 1: “I…Um.”

    Me: “We don’t need your bra size.”

    Customer 1: “Well, let’s just skip it. I can’t remember what I get. It’s fine.”

    (I finish the transaction, and Customer 2 approaches.)

    Me: “So I’m guessing you don’t get coupons either.”

    Customer 2: “Of course I do. I just didn’t want her to use them all before I got here. And I’m a 34B.”

    Mothers Can Be A Daily Grind

    | New Hampshire, USA | Family & Kids

    (We were giving away free packages of instant coffee for promotional reasons. Each package was about the size of a sugar packet.)

    Customer: "What’s that?"

    Me: "It’s a free package of instant coffee. Would you like one?"

    Customer: "How does it work?"

    Me: "Just put it in a cup, and mix it with water."

    Customer: "Is the cup, and water inside the package?"

    Customer’s Mother: "You’re a moron."

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