November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Another Tragic Hair Disaster

| North Wales, UK | Bizarre, Family & Kids, School, Uncategorized

(The phone rings five minutes before the end of the school day.)

Parent: *very distressed* “You’ll have to help me, please help!”

Me: “What on earth has happened? How can I help?”

Parent: “It’s an emergency! There’s been a disaster! You have to help me!”

Me: “Calm down and tell me what has happened. I’ll do my best to help”.

Parent: “I can’t get there to pick up [name of her child]. It’s an emergency!”

Me: “Don’t worry about her, I’ll keep an eye on her here at school. She can come home with me if need be. Is there anything else can do? What has happened?”

Parent: “It’s my hair, it’s turned out orange!”

Couldn’t Handle The Screening Process

| Delaware, OH, USA | Uncategorized

(I am hosting a class for senior citizens to help them learn computing.)

Me: “Could I have everyone move their mouse to the top of their screens?”

(An elderly gentleman in the back row takes his physical mouse, places it on the screen, and pushes it to the top.)

Good Music Isn’t Sharp, Sadly Doesn’t Apply To Customers

| Springfield, MO, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [Music School], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Do y’all sell leather fanny packs?”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we are a music school. We do not carry anything like that. There used to be a handbag store in this location, but they have gone out of business.”

Caller: “Are you sure you don’t sell leather fanny packs?”

Me: “I am positive we don’t, as we are a music school.”

Caller: “Well, could you go check?”

Cutty Out The Attitude

| New Zealand | Top

(I am working in a kindergarten where over half of the kids are Maori. The Maori word for scissors is ‘kutikuti,’ which is pronounced ‘cutty cutty’.)

Me, to a child: “Can you pass me the kutikuti please?”

Mother: “What did you say to my child?”

Me: “I asked her to pass me the scissors.”

Mother: “Don’t talk baby to my child. She’s smart enough to use adult words.”

Me: “I wasn’t. I was using the Maori name for scissors.”

Mother: “No, you said cutty cutty. That’s not Maori. I’m Maori, and I think I know Maori when I hear it.”

(The child interrupts. She grabs her mom by the hand and drags her off to a poster on the wall which has a few art objects and their Maori names under them.)

Child: “Mom, why do you always have to pick fights with people? I’m very disappointed in you!”

(When her mother left I gave the kid the biggest sticker I could find to put on her good behaviour chart.)


| California, USA | Uncategorized

Me: *on the phone* “Good afternoon, this is **** School.”

Caller: “Hi, I need to see if I can get my son into your school?”

Me: “All right, that’s easy. Come over anytime next week, when we’ll be taking applications.”

Caller: “Can you fax it to me?”

Me: “No, I can’t, but you can print it out from our website, along with all the information there. Is that Ok?”

Caller: “Yeah…”

Me: “We only accept applicants for 7th through 9th grade from this school district, just to let you know.”

Caller: “Oh, what is your district?”

Me: “**** high school district.”

Caller: “Oh, where is that?”

Me: “**** and its neighboring cities.”

Caller: “Oh. That’s where we’re moving.”

Me: “You don’t live in the district?”

Caller: “No, we live in New Jersey. We’re going to move to California so my son can go there.”

Me: “…ma’am, I’m afraid that you need to live within the district to put in an application.”

Caller: “Yes, we’re moving there.”

Me: “You need to be in the district when you put in the application.”

Caller: “When are applications due?”

Me: “They’re due the third week of January through the second week of February.”

Caller: “Oh. We’re not moving for a little while.”

Me: “Yes…you need a copy of a gas or electricity bill so we can verify your address is in the district. If I may ask, ma’am, what grade is your son in?”

Caller: “Oh, he doesn’t go to school.”

Me: “…”

Caller: “My son will be one year old in a few weeks!”