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    No Appointment, No Point

    | New Jersey, USA | Bizarre, School

    Customer: “I would like to cancel my appointment for a tutor at 1:30.”

    Me: “You are not booked for 1:30.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Can I make a appointment for 1:30 then?”

    Me: “Didn’t you just say you want to cancel it?”

    Customer: “Don’t I need to have a appointment first to cancel it?”

    Another Tragic Hair Disaster

    | North Wales, UK | Bizarre, Family & Kids, School

    (The phone rings five minutes before the end of the school day.)

    Parent: *very distressed* “You’ll have to help me, please help!”

    Me: “What on earth has happened? How can I help?”

    Parent: “It’s an emergency! There’s been a disaster! You have to help me!”

    Me: “Calm down and tell me what has happened. I’ll do my best to help”.

    Parent: “I can’t get there to pick up [name of her child]. It’s an emergency!”

    Me: “Don’t worry about her, I’ll keep an eye on her here at school. She can come home with me if need be. Is there anything else can do? What has happened?”

    Parent: “It’s my hair, it’s turned out orange!”

    Couldn’t Handle The Screening Process

    | Delaware, OH, USA |

    (I am hosting a class for senior citizens to help them learn computing.)

    Me: “Could I have everyone move their mouse to the top of their screens?”

    (An elderly gentleman in the back row takes his physical mouse, places it on the screen, and pushes it to the top.)

    Good Music Isn’t Sharp, Sadly Doesn’t Apply To Customers

    | Springfield, MO, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Music School], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Do y’all sell leather fanny packs?”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we are a music school. We do not carry anything like that. There used to be a handbag store in this location, but they have gone out of business.”

    Caller: “Are you sure you don’t sell leather fanny packs?”

    Me: “I am positive we don’t, as we are a music school.”

    Caller: “Well, could you go check?”

    Cutty Out The Attitude

    | New Zealand | Top

    (I am working in a kindergarten where over half of the kids are Maori. The Maori word for scissors is ‘kutikuti,’ which is pronounced ‘cutty cutty’.)

    Me, to a child: “Can you pass me the kutikuti please?”

    Mother: “What did you say to my child?”

    Me: “I asked her to pass me the scissors.”

    Mother: “Don’t talk baby to my child. She’s smart enough to use adult words.”

    Me: “I wasn’t. I was using the Maori name for scissors.”

    Mother: “No, you said cutty cutty. That’s not Maori. I’m Maori, and I think I know Maori when I hear it.”

    (The child interrupts. She grabs her mom by the hand and drags her off to a poster on the wall which has a few art objects and their Maori names under them.)

    Child: “Mom, why do you always have to pick fights with people? I’m very disappointed in you!”

    (When her mother left I gave the kid the biggest sticker I could find to put on her good behaviour chart.)


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