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    Ah, Mothers, Part 6

    | New Jersey, USA | Family & Kids, Uncategorized

    (The child I’m working with is crying, so I go outside to talk to the mother.)

    Me: “Your child seems to have some separation anxiety, ma’am. It’s against the rules, but I could let you stay and watch her work so she’ll feel better.”

    Mother: “Oh, I think she’ll be fine after awhile. See, she’s been upset since we moved here from Chicago.”

    Me: “Yeah, that’s difficult for a child sometimes.”

    Mother: “But don’t tell her we moved, okay? We told her we were only going on a vacation. She has no idea we’re not going back.”

    Related:
    Ah, Mothers, Part 5
    Ah, Mothers, Part 4
    Ah, Mothers, Part 3
    Ah, Mothers, Part 2
    Ah, Mothers

    Ordering Pizza, Talking Baloney

    | Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top, Tourists/Travel

    (I am a lunch lady at a high school, and one of the students there is going to be leaving for a trip to Italy soon.)

    Me: “What kind of pizza would you like?”

    Student: “One pepperoni, one cheese.”

    Me: “So are you excited to spend two months in Italy?”

    Student: “Yeah, but I’m really going to miss all the good food here at school. Especially pizza.”

    Me: “But you’ll be in Italy right? So you can have pizza there.”

    Student: “Yeah but it won’t be authentic pizza from America. It’ll just be cheap Italian knock-offs.”

    Related:
    Ordering Meatballs, Talking Baloney

    No Appointment, No Point

    | New Jersey, USA | Bizarre, School, Uncategorized

    Customer: “I would like to cancel my appointment for a tutor at 1:30.”

    Me: “You are not booked for 1:30.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Can I make a appointment for 1:30 then?”

    Me: “Didn’t you just say you want to cancel it?”

    Customer: “Don’t I need to have a appointment first to cancel it?”

    Another Tragic Hair Disaster

    | North Wales, UK | Bizarre, Family & Kids, School, Uncategorized

    (The phone rings five minutes before the end of the school day.)

    Parent: *very distressed* “You’ll have to help me, please help!”

    Me: “What on earth has happened? How can I help?”

    Parent: “It’s an emergency! There’s been a disaster! You have to help me!”

    Me: “Calm down and tell me what has happened. I’ll do my best to help”.

    Parent: “I can’t get there to pick up [name of her child]. It’s an emergency!”

    Me: “Don’t worry about her, I’ll keep an eye on her here at school. She can come home with me if need be. Is there anything else can do? What has happened?”

    Parent: “It’s my hair, it’s turned out orange!”

    Couldn’t Handle The Screening Process

    | Delaware, OH, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am hosting a class for senior citizens to help them learn computing.)

    Me: “Could I have everyone move their mouse to the top of their screens?”

    (An elderly gentleman in the back row takes his physical mouse, places it on the screen, and pushes it to the top.)

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