(I send homework home with my students every week. Sometimes it’s pretty obvious that their parents “help” them by doing it for them.)

Student: “My mom doesn’t know how to do this.”

Me: “No, but you do.”

Student: “Oh.” *turns and walks away*

(The next day, his work was completed.)

Me: “Good morning, you have reached [high school]. How can I help you?”

Parent: “My son left his cell phone at the convenience store three blocks over. Can you go get it?”

(A student who has missed class and calls me a day later to explain her absence.)

Student: “I need to take the quiz I missed yesterday.”

Me: “Remember, quizzes cannot be made up.”

Student: “I missed class yesterday because my son is sick.”

Little voice in the background: “Momma, I’m sick?”

(An online math student is calling to complain about her grade. Her assignment was submitted three days late.)

Me: “The assignment was late by three days. The 30% late penalty cost you 18 points.”

Caller: “But it’s not right. 30% of 60 is not 18.”

Me: “Yes, it is. Think of it as three times six.”

Caller: *counting in a low voice* “Yeah, I guess it is. But the late penalty shouldn’t apply to me.”

Me: “Why is that?”

Caller: “Because I submitted the assignment BEFORE you graded it.”

Customer: “I need to pick up my daughter. She’s in the eighth grade.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. The eighth graders are testing right now and they’ve only been testing for about forty five minutes. I don’t think she’s done.”

Customer: “But we have a plane to catch!”

Me: “Well, why didn’t you just not send her to school? I mean, what time is your flight?”

Customer: “8:45!”

Me: “Ma’am, that was thirty minutes ago. I don’t think you’re making it anyways.”

Customer: “But it’s central time zone!”

Me: “We’re in the central time zone, ma’am.”

Customer: “Don’t correct me! I don’t care if she fails. I just don’t want to lose my dignity!”

Related:
Apparently Bad Parenting