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    Let’s Hope This Apple Fell Far From The Tree

    | Michigan, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I am a secretary at a local academy.)

    Me: “[School name], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m interested in signing my kid up for classes. He’s 16. So, when are they held?”

    Me: “We have classes everyday, except for Tuesdays at 6:30 pm.”

    Customer: “No, that’s too much information for me to process. Is there someone else I can talk to?”

    Me: “Um, well, you could call another secretary.”

    Customer: “I don’t think I want to bring my child to a class that starts in the dark. That’s just too much information!”

    Me: “Well, we have a website, but it will say the same thing–”

    Customer: “Can I call someone else? You gave me too much complicated information and I can’t absorb it all!”

    A Bit Young To Be So Off-Color

    | France | School

    (I am a kindergarten teacher, and I’m meeting a student for the first time.)

    Me: “What is your favorite color?”

    5 year-old: “Stool.”

    Me: “Let’s try that again…”

    Of Freudian Slips & Lesbian Lips

    , | Sydney, Australia |

    (I’ve just had my first yoga class with a friend of mine, who is a regular at this school. We’ve just stepped out into the reception area.)

    Female instructor: “So, how did you go with your first class?”

    Me: “It went really well, thanks! It certainly makes you sweat that’s for sure!”

    Female instructor: “Just be sure to drink lots of women.”

    (My friend and I start laughing hilariously.)

    Female instructor: “Water! I mean water! I can’t believe I said that!”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Pointing Out The Obvious

    | Luton, UK | Family & Kids, Top

    (A 4-year-old child has trapped her finger in a door, so I’m going over the accident form with her mother when she comes to pick her up.)

    Mother: “Index finger? What the h*** is that?”

    Me: *showing her* “This one here.”

    Mother: “What? That’s a pointer-finger.”

    Me: “Well, yes, but in medicine it’s called the index finger.”

    Mother: “That’s not true. I’ve never heard that. Is that supposed to be funny? Just because I’m a woman–”

    Me: “Well, no–”

    Mother: “Yes, it is! What kind of a man works at a nursery anyway?”

    Child: “A man who knows about fingers!”

    This Apple Fell Far From Its Tree

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

    (I am working at an elementary school for gifted children. We have a horseshoe shaped parking lot where parents picked up their kids. At the end of the day it’s my job to stand at the exit of the one way and direct people 10 feet to my right to the correct entrance. A woman coming to pick up her child tries to enter the wrong way. I step in front of her car. She steps on the gas and gets close enough to hit my bright orange flag that says “stop”.)

    Woman: “What the h*** are you doing? I need to pick up my daughter! Why aren’t you letting me pick up my daughter?”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is a one way. You need to back out and go the correct way.”

    Woman: “You’re kidnapping my daughter! I’m going to call the police! Let me in to see my daughter!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I assure you, we are not keeping you from your daughter. All you need to do is back up and drive a few feet to the entrance. You are trying to go the wrong way down a one way.”

    Woman: “Well, how am I supposed to know which way is the right way?”

    Me: “Ma’am, even if I weren’t here to tell you, there’s a sign right behind me that says ‘Do Not Enter’.”

    Woman: “Well, I shouldn’t be expected to read street signs!”


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