Pretty Poor Flirting

| Australia |

Me: “I’m really sorry, but you’ve come through to the wrong area. This is grounds maintenance.”

Customer: “But you’re too pretty to work in grounds maintenance.”

Me: “Thank you. You’ll still need to go to the central building, on the other side of campus.”

Customer: “But you’re too pretty! I should be doing your job; I’m much better suited.”

Me: “I, um—”

Customer: “You’re too PRETTY!”

Financially Bankrupt, Circumstantially Bereft, And Substantially Boneheaded

| South Carolina, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, School

(I work for the financial aid department at a local tech school. A student comes in and asks about his student loans.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Student: *dismayed response* “Yeah, I want to check my student loans request.”

Me: “Sure thing. Can I get a student ID number?”

Student: “I ain’t got one.”

Me: “Can I have your last and first name?”

Student: “Yeah.”

(There’s an awkward silence as he doesn’t say anything.)

Me: “Sir, may I get your last and first name?”

Student: *gives name*

(I search for the student, but can’t find him.)

Me: “Sir, are you a student here?”

Student: “I ain’t got time for this! I want my money!”

Me: “Sir, you have to be a student to get student loans.”

Student: *shocked* “Oh, s***, really?”

Let’s Hope This Apple Fell Far From The Tree

| Michigan, USA | Extra Stupid

(I am a secretary at a local academy.)

Me: “[School name], how may I help you?”

Customer: “I’m interested in signing my kid up for classes. He’s 16. So, when are they held?”

Me: “We have classes everyday, except for Tuesdays at 6:30 pm.”

Customer: “No, that’s too much information for me to process. Is there someone else I can talk to?”

Me: “Um, well, you could call another secretary.”

Customer: “I don’t think I want to bring my child to a class that starts in the dark. That’s just too much information!”

Me: “Well, we have a website, but it will say the same thing–”

Customer: “Can I call someone else? You gave me too much complicated information and I can’t absorb it all!”

A Bit Young To Be So Off-Color

| France | School

(I am a kindergarten teacher, and I’m meeting a student for the first time.)

Me: “What is your favorite color?”

5 year-old: “Stool.”

Me: “Let’s try that again…”

Of Freudian Slips & Lesbian Lips

, | Sydney, Australia |

(I’ve just had my first yoga class with a friend of mine, who is a regular at this school. We’ve just stepped out into the reception area.)

Female instructor: “So, how did you go with your first class?”

Me: “It went really well, thanks! It certainly makes you sweat that’s for sure!”

Female instructor: “Just be sure to drink lots of women.”

(My friend and I start laughing hilariously.)

Female instructor: “Water! I mean water! I can’t believe I said that!”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

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