He Has Been Governated

| USA | School, Top

(We are having a political event at our school, and many politicians are attending, including the Governor of the state. There is a free lunch, but we get less than half the people we expect, so we start giving lunch to random people who happen to be walking by.)

Student: *cuts in line*

Man behind him: “Excuse me, you cut the line.”

Student: “Do you know who I am?”

(I don’t know who the student is, but I do know who the man behind him is, so I’m concealing my laughter.)

Man behind him: “No, but I’m not allowed to cut the line either and I doubt you’re allowed to.”

Student: “Excuse me? Who do you think you are?”

Man behind him: “The Governor. And you are?”

All Set For Higher Standards

| Southfield, MI, USA | Extra Stupid, School

(I work at a test proctoring facility. A student has just finished taking his placement exams.)

Me: “Alright, you placed into University Physics and Calculus 1.”

Student: “Okay.”

Me: “Do you have any last questions?”

Student: “Who do I talk to about registration?”

Me: “Go upstairs to Admissions. They should be able to help you.”

Student: “Okay.” *stands there*

Me: “…Anything else I can help you with?”

Student: “Nope.” *stands there*

Me: “Okay… you’re all set.”

Student: “Okay.” *stands there*

(I try to subtly signal the student to move on by shuffling my papers.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Student: “Nope.” *stands there*

Me: “So… your scores have been entered into the database. So… you’re all set.”

Student: “Oh, I’m all set?”

Me: “Yes…”

Student: “Oh, okay!” *leaves*

Home Doesn’t Always Work

| Midlands, UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, School, Top

(I am a year 5 class teacher. I’m dismissing my class of nine and ten year olds at the end of the day when a mother approaches me.)

Mother: “My son’s not been doing his homework!”

Me: “I know. He hasn’t handed his homework in for several weeks now.”

Mother: “Well, I’m not very happy about this!”

Me: “No, nor am I.”

Mother: “So, what are you going to do about it?”

Me: “I can’t make him do his homework. His homework is to be completed at home.”

Mother: “Why?”

Needlessly Needy

| New York, NY, USA | Family & Kids, Money

(I work for a private school which caters mostly to academically talented urban youth. Years ago, the school was not as diverse as the school is now; many of our students received substantial scholarships due to coming from low income households.)

Me: “Good morning. What can I do for you today?”

Parent: “I’m here to see the Director! You people have been overcharging me for years! *slams a thick folder on my desk* “These are all my statements and checks proving you’ve been cheating me!”

Me: “Can you give me your name and the student’s name so I can look up your account, please?”

(The parent gives me the information and I look up the account.)

Me: “Ms. [parent’s name], your son graduated in June 2002. That was almost 10 years ago.”

Parent: “And? You took my money! I hear students are only charged $500 a year to go here, but I was charged thousands! THOUSANDS!”

Me: “Please calm down. Let me explain: we have always given need-based scholarships to low income students, and—”

Parent: “We are low income, but you charged me the full tuition anyway! I want my money back TODAY!”

Me: “Ms. [parent’s name], according to our notations your average total gross household income during your son’s tenure with us averaged around $170,000 a year.”

Parent: “…AND?”

Me: “Well, students who receive low tuitions through need-based and academic scholarships tend to come from extremely low income backgrounds. Off the top of my head, I believe some of the students who fall under need based-scholarships average gross household incomes of only $20,000 a year.”

Parent: “You f***ing liar! Nobody makes so little money! I want to see the f***ing director, right f***ing now!”

(She ended up seeing the director, who did not give her money back but offered her a lower tuition rate for when her youngest child is old enough to attend our school. When that day comes, I plan to work elsewhere.)

Someone Needs To Tone It Down

| USA | Bizarre

(I am a student teacher at a high school. A man I have dubbed “Lord of the Copy Room” is a pretty grumpy guy who has specific ways that “his” copy machines should be used. Unbeknownst to me, this particular machine is only for jobs up to 30 copies.)

Me: *makes 35 copies*

Him: “Excuse me! How many copies did you just make?!”

Me: “Uh, um, a class set, so 35 copies.”

Him: *taps the machine* “That copier is for 30 copies and below! Don’t you know that?!”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. I’ll use the other one.”

Him: “It’s all right. I can tell you’re new. Just remember! Copies make the world go round! Don’t you love the smell of toner?!” *scampers off*

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