I was visiting my daughter in her hometown. We’d gone for a walk and were starting to get hungry. We were approaching a strip mall with several restaurants, including a well-known franchise place. My daughter is a vegan, so she did a quick search on her phone for the restaurant’s menu to see if they had anything she could eat.

Daughter: “Ooh, they’ve got some good-sounding stuff.”

Me: “Cool, let’s eat here, then.”

We went in, ordered some drinks, and made our dinner choices after perusing the menu some more. We also considered ordering appetizers, but we weren’t sure if my daughter could eat them, so we decided to ask the server.

Server: “What can I get you?”

Me: “Are the onion rings vegan?”

Server: “Uhhh, I guess. They don’t have meat.”

Me: “But does the batter have dairy or eggs in it?”

Server: “I dunno.”

I considered asking her to go check with someone else, but we weren’t that bothered about getting an appetizer, so I let it go.

Daughter: “I’d like the [vegan pizza], please.”

Server: “We don’t have that anymore.”

Daughter: “Oh. Then I’ll have the [vegan pasta dish], please.”

Server: “We don’t have that, either.”

Daughter: “How about the [vegan burger]?”

Server: “Nope.” *Snickers* “We got rid of all that vegan stuff. You’re better off without it, anyway. It was awful. No one liked it.”

The vegan ingredients used in those dishes were brand-name items that I’d used in my own cooking many times. They’re definitely not “awful”.

Daughter: “Do you have any vegan entrees?”

Server: “Uh, you can have a salad, I guess.”

Daughter: “I’m going to need a minute.”

Server: “‘Kay.” *Leaves*

Me: “Forget this. Let’s just pay for our drinks and go.”

Daughter: “Sounds good.”

So, when the server came back…

Me: “We’d just like the check, please.”

Server: “Oh. Sorry about that.”

Daughter: “It’s okay. Maybe you guys should update your menu, though?”

Server: “That’s not up to me.”

Me: “No, we realize that.”

I was thinking, “Your not-great attitude IS up to you, though.”

We got a great meal elsewhere, but I was still annoyed about the experience at [Chain Restaurant], so I emailed them. The reply I got back was something like this:

Representative: “We’re very sorry to hear about the experience you had at our restaurant. We would have been able to make almost any dish vegan for your daughter, and the server should have known that and told you so. If you come back, we’ll be happy to tell you all about our vegan options. Also, here’s a $50 off coupon for your next visit.”

I passed the email and coupon off to my daughter (since the restaurant is in her hometown, not mine). I’ll be curious to find out what her next visit is like.

Related:
Letting You Down Vegan And Again

Customer: “I want my meal free for this!”

Me: “I’m… sorry, sir, what is the problem?”

Customer: “My burger is a little bit greasy.”

I work in the restaurant portion of, ostensibly, a truck stop. Burgers are greasy everywhere, but what do you expect? I examine the burger.

Me: “It doesn’t look any greasier than any of the other burgers we serve. It’s just the meat juices; it’s perfectly harmless.”

Customer: “It’s greasy, d*** you! I want my meal for free!”

Me: “Well, I could… get a napkin and soak up some of—”

Customer: “No, I want my meal free!”

Me: “Um, I’m not able to apply discounts to meals myself; I’ll have to get the manager for you. One moment.”

The guy started a scene and shouted quite a bit at the manager, who was adamant about not giving him a discount for acceptably-made food. The manager eventually kicked him out so he wouldn’t disturb the other customers and blacklisted his Trucker Rewards Card across our entire chain.

For this particular group’s breakfast buffet, we put out a pitcher of orange juice on each table for the guests to help themselves.

Guest: “Hey, you! Waiter! C’mere!”

Me: “What can I do for you, sir?”

Guest: “Can you run and get me a glass of orange juice?”

Me: “Sure thing!”

I pick up his glass, pick up the pitcher of juice from his table, and pour it for him. The guest looks disappointed.

Guest: “ Oh. In that case, can you run and get me a glass of milk?”

Me: “Yes.” *eye-twitch*

(I work switchboard for the local teaching hospital. This means we deal with a lot of trainee doctors and medical students; they come from all over the country and province, often only for a few weeks at a time. Sometimes they make me question the future of our health system.)

Caller: “This is [Caller]. I’m a med student. I have forgotten my pager and need calls to go through to my cell phone.”

Me: “Okay, the number we have on file for you is [number].”

Caller: “That’s right.”

Me: “Is that long-distance?”

(Saskatchewan has two area codes, but they both cover the whole province, so either can be local or long-distance. If it’s a long-distance call, you need to add a 1 in front so that the phone system knows it’s long-distance. Generally speaking, if you need to dial a number anywhere in the province outside your local town/city, you need the 1.)

Caller: “Well, it’s a Saskatchewan number.”

Me: “But is it a Saskatoon number? Is this a long-distance number?”

Caller: *noncommittal noise*

Me: “I need to know if this is long-distance so we can dial it correctly to reach you.”

Caller: “My understanding of long-distance is that it is only outside the province.”

(This is a future doctor, people.)

(I am working as a banquet server at a four-star hotel. A typical night involves serving the same dish to 50 to 200 people.)

Me: “Before I bring out your soups, does anyone at this table have dietary restrictions I need to know about?”

Diner: *in a haughty voice* “My husband and I are vegan. We want fish for our entree.”

Me: *internally* “Don’t say it. Don’t call her a dumba**. Don’t tell her she sounds airheaded enough to actually think fish isn’t meat.”

Me: “Okay.”

(Two minutes later, in the kitchen:)

Me: “Two of my guests say they’re vegan, so they want fish instead of the beef wellington.”

Chef: “Did you tell them they’re dumba***** and that fish are animals?”

Me: “No, but I thought it really loud.”

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