Customer: “This is crazy! We’ve been waiting for almost twenty minutes!”
Me: “Sorry, sir, it’s a big sale day, and we don’t have enough staff to man every register!”
Customer: “That’s stupid! You need to get more people!”
Me: “Would you like an application?”
Customer: “H*** no! Why would I want to work here?!”
Me: *Staring, not breaking eye contact* “You get to meet the loveliest people!”
Customer: “So, where do you all go when you’re not on your shift?”
Me: “I go home.”
Customer: “Oh, like upstairs?”
Me: “No, to my house. I live with my parents still.”
Customer: “Wait, how do you live there? Don’t you, like, live in the casino?”
Me: “Yes, I sleep under a slot machine.”
I guess Las Vegas is only made of hotels and casinos. The staff of those places don’t live anywhere; they evaporate at the end of every day.
Related:
Because Retail Workers Aren’t Human, Part 3
Because Retail Workers Aren’t Human, Part 2
Because Retail Workers Aren’t Human
It’s my last day working at the grocery store, and my manager has said I am allowed to speak my mind (within reason) to one deserving customer before I go.
Customer: “Did you know your eyes are two different colors?”
Me: “No, because I’ve never looked in a mirror before, and now you’ve spoiled the surprise.”
Customer: “…I guess that was stupid of me.”
Customer: “I need a book for my nephew.”
Me: “Okay, what does he like to read?”
Customer: “Books.”
Me: “Congratulations, you’re in a bookstore! We might need to narrow it down a little. How old is he? Do you know what books he’s enjoyed before?”
Customer: “Look, I’m gonna be real with you. I haven’t read a book since high school. I’m too busy to read nerdy little books. The girl I’m with thinks it’s cute that I’m an uncle, so I need to go to his birthday party and give him a book to look good. What have you got?”
Me: “Let me bring you to our ‘awful uncles who buy books for their nephews just so they can get laid’ section.”
Customer: “For real?”
Me: “No, sir. That was a joke.”
Customer: “Whatever. This one looks big. Woo, lots of words. I’ll get this one.”
Me: “That’s a Bible, sir.”
Customer: “Is it good?”
Me: “I suddenly believe that you haven’t read a book since high school.”
Customer: *Smiling like this is a flex* “Yes, boiiiiii!”
We settled on him getting a gift card for his nephew, who I suddenly felt very sorry for — along with this guy’s date.
A guy comes into my place of work, very angry.
Customer: “Y’all saying I missed my payment date, and now I have to pay extra to turn my phone back on!”
I look up his account details.
Customer: “It was due at midnight, and y’all aren’t open at midnight, so how was I supposed to pay?”
Me: “We are open until 7:00 pm every day but Sunday.”
Customer: *Screaming* “Well, unlike you, I actually have a job!”
At my job.
Whilst doing my job.
Me: “You’re right, sir. I don’t work here. I just do this for fun.”
