Dumb Without Shadow Of A Doubt

| Manchester, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

(I’m putting the salad on a customer’s sandwich.)

Customer: “What’s that black thing on there?”

(I check to see if I’ve put olives on the sandwich by mistake.)

Me: “What black thing?”

Customer: “That big black thing right there!”

(I check again.)

Me: “Erm, that’s the shadow of my hand.”

Customer: “I don’t want that. Take it off!”

Me: *moves hand*

Customer: “That’s better.”

Peppered With Inconsistency

| Clifton Park, NY, USA | Food & Drink

Customer: “Hi, I’d like your tuna jalapeño sub without the jalapeños.”

Me: “Okay, so you’d like a tuna sub?”

Customer: “No, I’d like a tuna jalapeño sub without the tuna!”

Me: “You want a veggie sub?”

Customer: “No, you’re not listening! Give me a tuna jalapeño sub without the jalapeños!”

(I just start making a tuna sub without saying another word.)

Me: “And what kind of veggies would you like?”

Customer: “Lettuce, tomato, and…hmm…how about jalapeños?

Not Getting To The Meat Of The Issue

| Christchurch, New Zealand | Food & Drink

(At the sandwich shop I work at, pretty much all the meat is cold and we only heat it at the customer’s request. I am working the first position on the sandwich line, greeting people, and starting their sandwiches for them. An older customer comes up to the line.)

Me: “Hi there, welcome to [store name]. What can I get you today?”

Customer: “I’d like a sandwich, please.”

Me: “Sure! What would you like in it?”

Customer: “Cold meat.”

Me: “Ma’am, all the meat is cold. What meat would you like?”

Customer: “Cold meat. I already said that!”

Me: “Well, what type? We have ham, chicken, beef, turkey—”

Customer: “How hard is it for you to just put cold meat in my d*** sandwich? Are you new here?! They always put cold meat in my d*** sandwich! For f***’s sake, just put cold meat in my sandwich!”

Me: *speechless* “Okay, how about I get you the person who regularly serves you to help you out?”

Customer: “No! F*** it! You’re useless at this!” *leaves store grumbling*

Related:
Getting To The Meat Of The Issue

Forbidden Fruits (& Veggies)

| Washington, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(A middle-aged woman, her mother, and her three year old walk into my sandwich shop.)

Mother: *to child* “What do you want today?”

Child: “A samminch!”

Mother: “Okay, what kind?”

Child: “A samminch!”

Mother: “Do you want turkey?”

Child: “NO!”

Mother: “Do you want ham?”

Child: “NO!”

Mother: “I AIN’T RAISIN’ NO VEGETARIAN!”

One Person’s Smash Is Another Person’s Treasure

| Oklahoma, USA | Food & Drink

Customer: “Do you have guacamole here?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Because I asked for guacamole at [competition], and they gave me this smooshy baby-poo green stuff!”

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