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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Mayonnaise Squirted, Disaster Averted

    | Charleston, SC, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (A girl comes into our sandwich shop asking if we are hiring. I explain how to apply online, so she leaves a copy of a resume, thanks me, and leaves. 10 minutes later, the same girl reenters the store and orders a sub. My coworker serves her, but I overhear the entire exchange.)

    Girl: “I want [sandwich] on wheat bread; a 6-inch. Put mayo on the bread.”

    (The girl’s requests grow increasingly complex. She asks for an extra of everything, including a total of four requests for more mayo on the sub. By the end, there is probably half a bottle of mayo on the 6-inch sub. My coworker goes to close up and wrap the sandwich.)

    Girl: “Hey, don’t you think that sandwich looks messy? I don’t want to eat that. Make me another one.”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, I made this sub exactly to your specifications. You asked for double veggies and 10 times the regular amount of sauce. If I remake your sub, the new one will look exactly like this, so I’m afraid can’t keep wasting product like that. We would be happy to give you extra napkins, though.”

    Girl: “This is ridiculous! I don’t want to eat that ugly a** sub! MAKE ME A NEW ONE, D*** IT!”

    (The girl storms out in a huff. Having recognized her as the same girl from earlier in the day, I immediately tore up her resume.)

    Me: *to my coworker* “If she’s that rude when she’s asking for a job, imagine how bad it would be if she was an employee.”

    Don’t Make A Dare With The Hair

    | Great Falls, MT, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Top

    (A customer comes into our sandwich shop. Instead of ordering at the counter, he sits down and spends 15 minutes staring at us from the table. However, he ignores all of our attempts to talk to him. Finally, he storms up to the register where I am and starts yelling.)

    Customer: “When the f*** is one of your waiters going to take my f***ing order? I’ve been waiting here for half an hour!”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t have waiters. You have to come up to the register to take your order. I’ll be happy to take your order for you, and we’ll probably have it ready before you finish paying.”

    Customer: “No, my friend told me this is a classy joint! Classy joints have waiters! Now get a f***ing waiter out here or I’m leaving!”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t have waiters, and if you insist on swearing at me I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer: “Make me f***er! Come at me, bro! You’re just a f***** with girl hair!”

    (Note: I am a man with shaggy hair.)

    Me: “Sir, please leave.”

    Customer: “Suck my ****!”

    (Fed up, my manager intervenes.)

    Manager: “I’m calling the cops, so you can tell them to suck your **** all you like if you’re still here when they get here.”

    Customer: *points at me* “Send this little f***** outside! I’ll be in the alley!”

    (The customer storms out through the back door, which is for employees only. As my manager starts to dial the cops, he turns to me.)

    Manager: *conspiratorially* “Hey, if you wanna take a break out in the alley, that’s cool.”

    Me: “Excellent!”

    (I go out the back door and find the belligerent customer still there.)

    Customer: *sees me and freezes in place*

    Me: *jumps over the rail separating us*

    Customer: *takes off running*

    (Instead of giving chase, I returned to the store. The police called a few minutes later telling us they had him in custody.)

    Of Quick Comebacks And Minute Men, Part 2

    | St. Thomas, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

    (I am working as a cashier in the sandwich shop I work in. Two male customers of at least 65 years old are ordering food.)

    Me: “So, the debit is ready. Your chip goes in the bottom whenever you’re ready.”

    (The customer that is paying tries to complete his debit transaction. However, it returns on my end saying the card was removed before it was completed.)

    Elderly Male Customer #1: “What happened? I did everything right!”

    Elderly Male Customer #2: “I think you pulled your card out before the machine was done.”

    Elderly Male Customer #1: “Pulling out too soon! Story of my life!”

    Related:
    Of Quick Comebacks And Minute Men

    Trust Us, There Are Far Worse

    | Brisbane, Qld, Australia | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Um, I’d like the…is the teriyaki good?”

    Me: “Yes, it’s one of our most popular subs.”

    Customer: “Okay, a teriyaki chicken sub on…Italian Herbs & Spices?”

    Me: “Italian Herb & Cheese? No problem.”

    Customer: “Yes, sorry. Uh, not toasted. Can I have that dark orange cheese?”

    Me: “The old english? Sure. Which salad would you like?”

    Customer: “Um…Lettuce, tomato…cucumber, carrot…ooh, and just a little bit of onion.”

    Me: “Of course. Would you like the Sweet Onion sauce?”

    Customer: “Is that good with that?”

    Me: “It’s the recommended sauce, yes.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Yes please. Boy, I bet I’m just the worst customer!”

    Me: “Not. Even. Close.”

    Cuffed Red-Handed

    | Nantes, France | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I occasionally hire the 19-year-old niece of one of my friends to help me around the store during vacations. She’s quite frail and shy, but it isn’t too much of a problem since many of my customers are regulars and know (and like) her. One busy day, a peculiar lady whom I’ve never seen comes in and goes straight to the girl.)

    Customer: “I want a double cheeseburger, a Coke, and a chocolate donut.”

    Niece: “Um…I think we’re out of chocolate donuts. I’m going to check. Please wait a minute, ma’am.”

    Customer: *bluntly* “Yeah, you do that.”

    Niece: *runs to the back*

    Customer: *whispering* “Useless b****.”

    (When my niece comes back several minutes later, the customer gives her an icy stare.)

    Niece: *nervously* “I’m very sorry, ma’am. It seems we’re out of stock. May I suggest you another dess—”

    Customer: “You useless little s***! Every time I come here, I find what I want. Just admit you suck at your job.”

    Niece: “B-but I—”

    Customer: “Don’t interrupt me, you b****! Either get me my food now, or I’ll make sure your skinny little a** gets fired!”

    Niece: *almost crying* “Ma’am, please—”

    Customer: “You interrupted me again, you s***!”

    (Before I can do anything, the customer PUNCHES my niece in the face, hard enough to make the girl fall on her back and hit her head on a cooler. However, two of my regulars, who are uniformed policemen, grab the customer.)

    Customer: “What are you doing?!”

    Regular #1: “Ma’am, what you just did is an aggravated assault. If this girl is seriously wounded, you face a fine and jail time. Please don’t resist.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah?! Tough luck proving that without any police around, jacka**!”

    Regular #2: *handcuffs the customer* “Ma’am, we are police officers.”

    Customer: *almost faints*

    (My friend’s niece ended up breaking her glasses and four of her teeth due to her fall. She refused to come back to work after that, which saddened both me and the regulars. At least she got a small measure of justice thanks to the police officers.)

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