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    Cuffed Red-Handed

    | Nantes, France | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I occasionally hire the 19-year-old niece of one of my friends to help me around the store during vacations. She’s quite frail and shy, but it isn’t too much of a problem since many of my customers are regulars and know (and like) her. One busy day, a peculiar lady whom I’ve never seen comes in and goes straight to the girl.)

    Customer: “I want a double cheeseburger, a Coke, and a chocolate donut.”

    Niece: “Um…I think we’re out of chocolate donuts. I’m going to check. Please wait a minute, ma’am.”

    Customer: *bluntly* “Yeah, you do that.”

    Niece: *runs to the back*

    Customer: *whispering* “Useless b****.”

    (When my niece comes back several minutes later, the customer gives her an icy stare.)

    Niece: *nervously* “I’m very sorry, ma’am. It seems we’re out of stock. May I suggest you another dess—”

    Customer: “You useless little s***! Every time I come here, I find what I want. Just admit you suck at your job.”

    Niece: “B-but I—”

    Customer: “Don’t interrupt me, you b****! Either get me my food now, or I’ll make sure your skinny little a** gets fired!”

    Niece: *almost crying* “Ma’am, please—”

    Customer: “You interrupted me again, you s***!”

    (Before I can do anything, the customer PUNCHES my niece in the face, hard enough to make the girl fall on her back and hit her head on a cooler. However, two of my regulars, who are uniformed policemen, grab the customer.)

    Customer: “What are you doing?!”

    Regular #1: “Ma’am, what you just did is an aggravated assault. If this girl is seriously wounded, you face a fine and jail time. Please don’t resist.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah?! Tough luck proving that without any police around, jacka**!”

    Regular #2: *handcuffs the customer* “Ma’am, we are police officers.”

    Customer: *almost faints*

    (My friend’s niece ended up breaking her glasses and four of her teeth due to her fall. She refused to come back to work after that, which saddened both me and the regulars. At least she got a small measure of justice thanks to the police officers.)

    May Top Story Roundup: Skyrim, Smoothies, Soap, Shadows, And Slips!

    , , , , | Not Always Right | Roundups

    May Top Story Roundup: From running thieves to running children, May’s top stories were filled with customers with nothing mentally running upstairs!

    1. Dovahkiin’s Day Off:
      A video game thief gets taken down, Dragonborn-style, by an unexpected hero.
    2. The Golden Rude:
      A delicious tale of a rude coffee customer getting what he deserves!
    3. Self Disservice:
      “Employees Must Wash Hands” and “Entitled Customers” don’t mix!
    4. Dumb Without Shadow Of A Doubt:
      A sandwich shop customer gets stupid over a shadow.
    5. Traveling At The Speed Of Stupid:
      An irresponsible parent slips up big time with her bratty offspring!

    PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

    PS #2: Read more roundups here!

    Dumb Without Shadow Of A Doubt

    | Manchester, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m putting the salad on a customer’s sandwich.)

    Customer: “What’s that black thing on there?”

    (I check to see if I’ve put olives on the sandwich by mistake.)

    Me: “What black thing?”

    Customer: “That big black thing right there!”

    (I check again.)

    Me: “Erm, that’s the shadow of my hand.”

    Customer: “I don’t want that. Take it off!”

    Me: *moves hand*

    Customer: “That’s better.”

    Peppered With Inconsistency

    | Clifton Park, NY, USA | Food & Drink

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like your tuna jalapeño sub without the jalapeños.”

    Me: “Okay, so you’d like a tuna sub?”

    Customer: “No, I’d like a tuna jalapeño sub without the tuna!”

    Me: “You want a veggie sub?”

    Customer: “No, you’re not listening! Give me a tuna jalapeño sub without the jalapeños!”

    (I just start making a tuna sub without saying another word.)

    Me: “And what kind of veggies would you like?”

    Customer: “Lettuce, tomato, and…hmm…how about jalapeños?

    Not Getting To The Meat Of The Issue

    | Christchurch, New Zealand | Food & Drink

    (At the sandwich shop I work at, pretty much all the meat is cold and we only heat it at the customer’s request. I am working the first position on the sandwich line, greeting people, and starting their sandwiches for them. An older customer comes up to the line.)

    Me: “Hi there, welcome to [store name]. What can I get you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like a sandwich, please.”

    Me: “Sure! What would you like in it?”

    Customer: “Cold meat.”

    Me: “Ma’am, all the meat is cold. What meat would you like?”

    Customer: “Cold meat. I already said that!”

    Me: “Well, what type? We have ham, chicken, beef, turkey—”

    Customer: “How hard is it for you to just put cold meat in my d*** sandwich? Are you new here?! They always put cold meat in my d*** sandwich! For f***’s sake, just put cold meat in my sandwich!”

    Me: *speechless* “Okay, how about I get you the person who regularly serves you to help you out?”

    Customer: “No! F*** it! You’re useless at this!” *leaves store grumbling*

    Related:
    Getting To The Meat Of The Issue

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