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    A Few Sandwiches Short Of A Picnic

    | Reno, NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (A lot of middle and high school students from all over the state are in town for an event. The shop is slammed, but we’re doing our best to move the line along quickly. The board behind me lists our 18 different cold sandwich options in huge letters. It also states the bread sizes: small, medium, and large.)

    Me: “Hello. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer #1: “Um… can I have a… medium sandwich?”

    Me: “Sure thing. What kind of sandwich would you like?”

    Customer #1: “Medium?”

    Me: *pointing at the board behind me* “Absolutely, what kind of meat and cheese would you like on your sandwich?”

    Customer #1: “Um… white bread?”

    Me: *grabbing a medium white roll* “Okay, and what kind of meat would you like? We have ham, turkey, roast beef…”

    Customer #1: *starting to look confused and angry* “Just a regular sandwich!”

    (The customer gestures at the sandwich belonging to the customer in front of him, which already has lettuce and tomato on it, obscuring the meats.)

    Customer #1: “Like that one!”

    Me: “Okay, so that one’s a ham, turkey, and provolone. Would you like that?”

    Customer #1: ” … ham.”

    Me: “Great! Any cheese?”

    Customer #1: “I just want a regular sandwich!”

    (I quickly make him a ham and American cheese sandwich, pass him to the next person working the line, and turn to my next customer.)

    Me: “Hello, miss! What can I get for you today?”

    Customer #2: “Can I have a… small sandwich?”

    Me: “Absolutely. What kind of meat and cheese?”

    Customer #2: (staring at the board) “Oh, I guess wheat bread?”

    (It was a long day.)

    Orders Can Not Be Made For Bread Alone

    | Quezon City, Philippines | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi. What can I get you today?”

    Customer: “Give me a six-inch parmesan oregano.”

    Me: “Certainly, and what would you like on that?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “You’ve told me what bread and size you want. You still need to tell me what filling you want for your sandwich.”

    Customer: “Just the parmesan oregano.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s a kind of bread. What meat or vegetables do you want me to put in it?”

    Customer: “Why are you making this difficult?! I just want a six-inch parmesan oregano sandwich!”

    Me: “Ma’am, let me make this clear: that is a kind of bread. It is a wheat loaf that has been prepared with parmesan cheese and oregano, the latter of which is an herb. However, there are no additional cheeses or herbs in it to fulfill the definition of ‘sandwich,’ and I have no idea whether we’re even allowed to sell just bread. Now, what filling would you like for your sandwich, which will be made using your chosen six-inch parmesan oregano loaf?”

    Customer: “… Oregano isn’t a kind of meat?”

    Common Sense Has Left The Ranch

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am working at a sandwich shop while in high school. I have just made a sandwich for a customer and gone into the back to grab a few things. The customer returns to the counter to talk to my coworker.)

    Customer: “This is totally unacceptable. I want a new sandwich made!”

    Coworker: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “My sandwich has ranch on it. I hate ranch!”

    Customer’s Boyfriend: “Yes, my girlfriend hates ranch dressing. She would never order a sandwich with ranch!”

    Customer: “You should really check with people before you start making their food, you know!”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry. Let me get another sandwich started for you. What kind did you order?”

    Customer: “Chicken bacon ranch. Oh, but no bacon!”

    Tray And Tray Again

    | PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (The bagel and sandwich shop I work at switches from disposable paper plates to re-washable plastic trays for our ‘for here’ orders. We haven’t been supplied with an exceedingly large amount of the trays. Many of our customers end up dumping them in the trash when they’re finished.)

    Boss: “[Me]! Grab some plastic bags and gloves, and follow me outside.”

    Me: “Okay, what are we doing?”

    Boss: “Trash diving.”

    Me: “…”

    (He’s not kidding. We triple bag our shoes and jump in the dumpster to cut through our trash and fish out as many trays as we can. We manage to find nearly three dozen in among eight trash bags.)

    Me: “[Boss], I want a raise.”

    Boss: “I’ll think about it.”

    (Later, fed up with more trays disappearing, the Boss brings in a role of caution tape. He uses it to tape a tray onto the push-door of each of our trash cans. Then he secures another tray to the area where trays are supposed to be left. The end result is a VERY obvious visual giving the message of, “Don’t throw away these trays, place them HERE!”)

    Boss: “OKAY! So, how long do you think it’s going to be before another customer throws a tray away?”

    Me: “People are pretty stupid. I wouldn’t be surprised if the first one does.”

    Boss: “Seriously, right?”

    (Sure enough, a few minutes later a customer gets up to leave. She goes to toss her trash and gets caught up as she sees the taped tray to the door. We watch as she slowly looks at the trash can, then up to the tray-receptacle, then back down to the trash can. Then she dumps it all, tray included, into the trash can. My boss throws a silent fit until the customer leaves. We all crack up at him as he rushes out front to dig the tray out of the trash.)

    Boss: “I GIVE UP ON PEOPLE!”

    Crazy Is On The Menu

    | TX, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I’ve received a complaint from a very unhappy customer, which has put me in a terrible mood. Thirty minutes later, I’m still not feeling too great when four young teens, three girls and one boy, walk into the restaurant. The boy and one of the girls get ready to order while the two other girls sit down and watch.)

    Me: “Hello! What can I get for you?”

    Girl #1: “Uh… so many options.”

    Boy: “Come on, what do you want?”

    Girl #1: “I don’t know; I’m still deciding.”

    (There is a pause as the girl continues to look at the menu.)

    Boy: “Come on! Just decide already. Just get like a ham or turkey or something.”

    Girl #1: “But I don’t want that.”

    Boy: “God, I don’t know why this is so difficult for you! They’re just sandwiches! Just pick SOMETHING!”

    (The boy’s mannerisms and speech seem very unnatural and rehearsed, and the girls are trying not to laugh, so I can tell by this point that they’re just playing a joke.)

    Boy: “You do this EVERY TIME. You’ve done this every time we came in here for two years! TWO YEARS you’ve put me through this! I don’t know why I put up with it! You know what? I’m done! I’m sick of this!”

    (He exits the store dramatically, and his girlfriend runs after him.)

    Girl #1: “Babe, wait! Come back! I’m SORRY!”

    (Once she leaves, the two other girls get up and slowly exit the store.)

    Girl #2: “I’m so sorry. No sandwiches.”

    Girl #3: “Sorry.”

    (I call after them as they leave.)

    Me: “Bravo! Brava! But work on your acting a bit!”

    (I’m sure they were just trying to weird me out, but strangely enough, their little performance cheered me up and took my mind off of the unhappy customer!)

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