I am a university freshman and I’ve just moved out of my home to study in a prestigious university. I get most of my after-lesson meals at a small Apulian sandwich shop. I usually order either a calzone and a beer or a sandwich with bologna, chard, and chickpea mousse, plus some tonic water if I felt in a healthier mood. One day, after several months, I notice that they also have an octopus, dried tomato, and olive puree sandwich. Curious, I set out to order it.

Me: “Hello. I would like a Monopoli-style sandwich and a tonic water.” 

Cashier: *Snapping around to face me* “No, we don’t have that. We haven’t had any octopus for months. Do [University] students talk to each other, or is being annoying know-it-alls toward us common mortals all they do?”

I’m taken aback and, obviously, offended. After some confused sputtering, I collect myself enough to speak up again.

Me: “Get me your manager, please.”

The cashier turns around and claps a couple of times, and the manager, a woman looking very much like the cashier, arrives.

Manager: *Blithely* “Yo, what’s going on?”

Cashier: “This guy over here wants to talk to you.”

Me: *Annoyed* “Yeah, I’d like to complain about your cashier; she’s being rude to me over a question.”

Cashier: “He asked me if we had anything with octopus! Again! It’s not my fault students from [University] keep thinking it’s like back at Daddy’s home and want everything right now.”

Me: *Bellowing somewhat* “I just asked for a sandwich, politely at that, and you blew to me—”

Manager: “Yeah, yeah. What counts as polite in your mansion isn’t polite in the real world. Now get out.”

Me: “Gladly.”

I stormed out and went out to try out the university canteen, which did prove to be pretty decent, actually. As it turned out, the university I went to had a reputation as a “gentrification machine” of unheard-before proportions, and the owners of the shop were two activist sisters doing activism against it, but, even so, was it really necessary to insult somebody for a simple question?

I’m working in a cute little Vietnamese sandwich place and, like all cultural food places, it does have food and ingredients that are traditionally known in other Asian cultures. A white man walks in wearing a business suit, his head held high, and there’s this haughtiness about him that I notice as soon as he walks up to my register. He takes a long look at the menu and then makes a show of observing all of our extra snacks and drinks.

Customer: “So… this is Vietnamese food.”

Me: “Yes, it is!”

Customer: “But your sandwich up there has Kimchi.”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “That’s Korean, you know.”

Me: “Yes, I know.”

Customer: “And your snacks here are all Japanese.”

Me: “I suppose. Cultures tend to mix, you know. Our main focus is the menu.”

He stares at me suspiciously.

Customer: “You’re not Vietnamese, are you?”

Me: “No, actually, I’m half-Samoan.”

He nods, although I’m not sure if my answer is satisfactory for him. 

Customer: “Cool, cool. I didn’t think you were. I know all of this stuff because I spent a couple of years in Vietnam on business trips.”

I just nod and smile. He picks up a small plastic case with a brownie.

Customer: “Wow, you sell brownies, too! I didn’t know brownies could be Vietnamese.”

Me: *Slightly irked* “Well, a Vietnamese lady made them, so I suppose that’s what makes them Vietnamese.”

Customer: “Hmm.” *Put the brownie down* “I suppose you have a point.”

I tried to break the awkwardness by suggesting some of our popular items off our menu, and I recommended the Pho since that was basically our star item for anybody who is familiar with Vietnamese culture and food, all of which were ignored. After another minute of him just staring at the menu above me, he turned and left without buying anything.

I work at a sandwich shop that specializes in bagels. I don’t get out too much, so I’m not familiar with a lot of slang that’s apparently in common use. It also doesn’t help that I live close to the city that was voted to have the worst-sounding dialect.

Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hey, I’d just like lox on plain.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what was that?”

Customer: “Your lox sandwich.”

Me: “I’m afraid we don’t have a sandwich called lox?”

Customer: *Becoming agitated* “Yes, you do! You have it right there! I just want lox!”

He points to a picture on the lunch menu, though I can’t tell which one.

Me: “I don’t know what that is.”

Customer: “LOX! ON PLAIN!”

Me: “Uh… [Manager]?”

I turn to the manager on duty, who has just finished making another customer’s order.

Me: “Do we have lox?”

Manager: *Obviously exhausted* “Lox is the salmon sandwich.” *To the customer* “Do you want everything on that?”

Customer: “Yes! Finally!”

I still don’t know why he didn’t just say “salmon sandwich,” because apparently, lox is just salmon and cream cheese, while our salmon sandwich includes capers, onions, and tomatoes, as well. It would also have been nice if he weren’t so loud and rude.

I’ve been waiting in a very long and slow line, and I’m just paying for my sub. It’s an older woman’s turn to order, and there is still a long line behind her. She apparently didn’t figure out what she wanted to order while waiting in the aforementioned long and slow line, and she is brainstorming to the employee.

Customer: “Well, I don’t want bacon. Hmm. The turkey bacon guacamole is really great, but you’re out of guacamole. That’s what I normally get, you know. It’s very good! Well, I really want flat meat. You know what I mean? Flat meat? Turkey’s a flat meat, right?”

I was so glad I wasn’t behind her!

Related:
Holy Guacamole! Part 3
Holy Guacamole! Part 2
Holy Guacamole!

I usually wear a necklace that’s a Leaf of Lorien from “Lord Of The Rings.” It’s nothing fancy; actually, it used to be part of a bookmark that broke and I liked it enough that I just threaded a chain through the charm. Most people comment on it because they think it looks like a marijuana leaf and they want to know why I’m advertising it.

I meet up with a couple of friends at a local sandwich shop. I get my sandwich made and go to pay and the cashier looks up at me.

Cashier: “Oh, that’s a pretty necklace!”

Me: “Thanks. It used to be a bookmark and I turned it into the necklace when the bookmark broke.”

Cashier: “That’s fun! What is it?”

Me: “It’s a Leaf of Lorien.”

Cue a blank look from the cashier

Me: “From Lord Of The Rings.”

Cashier: “Is that like Harry Potter?”

Me: “Um, no? It’s Lord Of The Rings. You know, Frodo, the One Ring, Gandalf?”

Cashier: “Oh! Is that Star Wars?”

Me: “Um, no? It’s like Lord Of The Rings. You know, Mordor? It was a book series and there’ve been several movies.”

Cashier: “Oh, yeah, I watch TV!”

She grinned at me and I just smiled and paid for my food, joining my friends. To this day, I’m still not sure if she was trying to flirt with me or if she was really that clueless.