Introducing The Sandwich Air

, | California, USA | Uncategorized

(There is an incredibly long line in the store. A man who had recently gotten his order filled cuts to the front of the line and slams his sandwich on the counter.)

Customer: “I don’t know what’s wrong with you people… you don’t know how to make a sandwich! The people who worked here before knew how to make sandwiches!”

Me: “Um… excuse me?”

Customer: “The OTHER people always SQUISHED the sandwiches.”

(He holds up his sandwich.)

Customer: “LOOK AT THIS! How am I supposed to fit this in my mouth?”

Me: “Umm… wouldn’t it be just as easy if you–”

Customer: “NO! FIX IT!”

Me: “Okay…”

(I flatten the sandwich slightly.)

Me: “How’s that?”

Customer: “SQUISH IT!”

(I manage to smash the sandwich down to about a half an inch thick.)

Me: “Better?”

Customer: *takes the sandwich* “Well I guess you CAN learn.”

Cool Bosses Make All The Difference

, | Lewistown, PA, USA | Uncategorized

Deli Customer: “I’d like the Italian, please.”

Me: “Would you like any condiments on that? Spicy relish, oil?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like both, please.”

(I finish making the hoagie and ring up the price which is now $3.20 with the extra condiments.)

Customer: “Last time I was here, my hoagie was $2.75.”

Me: “Actually, that’s the price of the regular Italian hoagie. Is that what you wanted instead of the Super Italian?”

Customer: “No, I wanted the Super.”

Me: “Well, the Super is $3.00, and with the spicy relish and oil your total comes to $3.20.”

Customer: *angrily* “Last time it was $2.75!”

(She walks off to the counter to pay, and complains to the assistant manager.)

Assistant Manager: “She says she’s coming in tomorrow to complain about you to Mike (the owner).”

Me: “Oh, great…”

(The next day…)

Mike: “You made sure she wanted the Super Italian?”

Me: “Yes.”

Mike: “And you made sure you checked that you added up the price right?”

Me: “Yes… so what do you think?”

Mike: “Psht, f**k her!”

My Husband, The Mind Reader

, | Savoy, IL, USA | Top

(I am almost done making a customer’s sandwich and I ask if she would like anything else on it…)

Lady: “Yeah, just put whatever else you normally put on it.”

Me: “Well, I can put on whatever you want me to put on. We don’t have anything that we put on every sandwich. In fact, most are rarely ever the same.”

Lady: “Look, you don’t have to get smart! Just put whatever else you put on it.”

Me: “Well, what do you want on it?”

Lady: “That stuff that you always put on these!”

Me: “If you just say what it is you want, I will put it on for you.”

Lady: “That stuff you always put on it!”

(The lady’s husband walks over.)

Lady’s husband: “She wants pepper.”

Tits Hard To Think When The Weather’s Nipply

, | United Kingdom | Uncategorized

Customer: “Can I get a chicken sandwich?”

Me: “Sure. Which bread would you like it on?”

Customer: “Chicken.”

Me: “…Uh, okay, but which bread?”

Customer: “Chicken.”

Me: “Sir, which bread would you like?”

Customer: “CHICKEN!”

Me: *pointing at the bread* “Bread!”

Customer: “Oh, bread! I thought you were saying breast.”

(I don’t know whether to hate my accent or the types of customers we get late at night.)

Math Is Your Friend, Part 2

| Ohio, USA | Uncategorized

(I used to work at a sandwich shop. We were having a special where you could get four or more of our smaller sandwiches for $2.99 each. Some customers don’t understand the concept of simple.)

Customer: “Do you have any specials today?”

Me: “Yes, you can get four or more 6″ subs for $2.99 each.”

Customer: “Do I have to get four?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Why? I’ll only be able to eat one.”

Me: “The computer won’t let me ring up the deal unless you order four or more sandwiches.”

Customer: “Okay, then I’ll get four turkeys.”

(The customer goes through his sandwich-topping business, and we finally make it to the register.)

Me: “Okay, four 6″s comes to $11.96.”

Customer: “I thought they were only $2.99 each.”

Me: “They are. Four times $2.99 is $11.96.”

Customer: “I think you’re charging me too much. Can I see a receipt?”

Me: *prints a receipt*

Customer: “Your prices are wrong, I know it!”

(I take out a calculator and does the math. It comes out to $11.96.)

Customer: “Oh…I still don’t understand, but whatever!” *pays and leaves*

This Is Why Math Is Your Friend

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