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    Carrie 3: Disaster In The Deli

    , | Choctaw, OK, USA |

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [restaurant], what can I get get you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, which of these sandwiches are five dollars?”

    Me: “Just these eight behind me.”

    (I point to a very large sign that has a giant “5″ on it and a list of our five dollar footlong subs.)

    Customer: “Oh, okay…”

    (She gives me the order of three subs and I make them.)

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be $20.47.”

    Customer: “What?! Why the h*** are they that expensive? You said that they were five dollars!!”

    (By this time all the yelling she’s doing has turned her face blood red: this is important for later in the story.)

    Me: “Well yes, those eight over there. All three of the ones you ordered are not.”

    Customer: “That’s not true! I got them off the board you told me about!”

    (She points at the board NEXT to the one I talked about which lists our six inch subs.)

    Me: “No, ma’am, that’s our six inch board. The one next to it with the GIANT FIVE on it are the five dollar subs.”

    Customer: “Well, aren’t you a f***ing carnival weasel! You said those were five dollars!”

    Me: “I’m sorry for the misunderstanding–wait, did you just call me a carnival weasel?”

    Customer: “YOU HEARD ME, CAAARNIVAAL WEEASELLLL!”

    Me: “Alright. Well, ma’am, I’m getting a line here so would you just like me to remake your sandwiches so we can move?”

    Customer: “F*** YOU!”

    (She suddenly gets a massive nose bleed which gets all over the counter and the floor. As she storms out cursing and bleeding, the customers applaud and even help me clean it up before ordering. )

    Coworker: “She called you a carnival weasel!”

    Me: “Yeeeaah. Well, have fun with that…”

    (I still see that lady every now and then come up to the door, see me, turn around and leave.)

    Lesson Of The Day: Food Poisoning = Bad

    , | Austin, TX, USA | Top

    (Note: the FDA recently recalled tomatoes because of a salmonella outbreak.)

    Me: “… and what veggies would you like on your sandwich?”

    Customer: “Lettuce, tomato and onion, that’s all. And some mayo.”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we’re not selling tomatoes right now, but I’ll put the rest of that on for you.”

    Customer: “What? Why can’t I have tomatoes?”

    Me: “Because the FDA is worried that they may be contaminated with salmonella and until we’re sure that ours are safe, we’re not allowed to sell them.”

    Customer: “Your tomatoes are contaminated?! How can you sell tomatoes that are contaminated? That’s disgusting! I can’t believe you!”

    Me: “Ma’am we’re *NOT* selling them.”

    Customer: “Well, why the h*** not?!”

    Me: “Because the FDA says they might not be safe and we don’t want our customers to get sick.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s stupid. I want tomatoes.”

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, but I suggest you leave off the mayonnaise, then.”

    Customer: “Umm… okay, why?”

    Me: “It tends to taste bad when mixed with salmonella.”

    Just… Wow

    , | Oregon, USA |

    Customer: “I want the Cheesecake Sandwich with provolone, double meat and extra veggies.”

    Me: “The Cheesesteak already comes with double meat. It will be a few extra dollars if I add more. We don’t have provolone, what cheese would you like instead?”

    Customer: “You’re kidding, right? I’m not paying $10 for a sandwich! And without provolone! Just give me the extra meat, you don’t have to weigh it exactly. No one will know!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

    (I weigh the meat to the correct portion and put it on the sandwich.)

    Customer: “That’s too much meat! What are you doing?”

    Me: “Actually, this is the correct portion. Would you like me to take some off?

    Customer: “Only if you lower the price. I said add more meat, so ADD it! And why don’t you have provolone? ***’s has it… and where are the veggies?”

    Me: “It typically doesn’t come with them, but I can add tomato, onions, lettuce, olives or mushrooms.”

    Customer: “I can only pick ONE?”

    Me: “No… any or all of them.”

    Customer: “All of those are gross! God, who would eat that?”

    Me: “… so no veggies?”

    Customer: “Are they free?”

    Me: “Yes…”

    Customer: “Put them all on, and I’ll just pick off whatever I don’t like.”

    Me: “Okay, thank you…” *smiling, thinking it’s over*

    (After I finish the sub, the customer argues with the cashier over the price of the sub, demanding a discount.)

    Customer: “This place is so expensive and I can’t even get provolone! The veggies are all mixed together! This isn’t like *** at all! I didn’t even want half of them! Where is your manager?”

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “You again!”

    (The customer makes a pissed off face, and then opens the sub. They start picking it apart on the counter.)

    Customer: “Your cashier is trying to ring me up, but that’s not the price!¬†Refund me or I’m never coming here again!”

    Me: “Actually, I just made that for you. You didn’t want the meat removed, so it is that price. I can remake it if you’d like, with less meat. Or would you still like a refund?”

    Customer: “Never mind!” *throws sub in trash and leaves without paying*

    (Just… wow.)

    Introducing The Sandwich Air

    , | California, USA |

    (There is an incredibly long line in the store. A man who had recently gotten his order filled cuts to the front of the line and slams his sandwich on the counter.)

    Customer: “I don’t know what’s wrong with you people… you don’t know how to make a sandwich! The people who worked here before knew how to make sandwiches!”

    Me: “Um… excuse me?”

    Customer: “The OTHER people always SQUISHED the sandwiches.”

    (He holds up his sandwich.)

    Customer: “LOOK AT THIS! How am I supposed to fit this in my mouth?”

    Me: “Umm… wouldn’t it be just as easy if you–”

    Customer: “NO! FIX IT!”

    Me: “Okay…”

    (I flatten the sandwich slightly.)

    Me: “How’s that?”

    Customer: “SQUISH IT!”

    (I manage to smash the sandwich down to about a half an inch thick.)

    Me: “Better?”

    Customer: *takes the sandwich* “Well I guess you CAN learn.”

    Cool Bosses Make All The Difference

    , | Lewistown, PA, USA |

    Deli Customer: “I’d like the Italian, please.”

    Me: “Would you like any condiments on that? Spicy relish, oil?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like both, please.”

    (I finish making the hoagie and ring up the price which is now $3.20 with the extra condiments.)

    Customer: “Last time I was here, my hoagie was $2.75.”

    Me: “Actually, that’s the price of the regular Italian hoagie. Is that what you wanted instead of the Super Italian?”

    Customer: “No, I wanted the Super.”

    Me: “Well, the Super is $3.00, and with the spicy relish and oil your total comes to $3.20.”

    Customer: *angrily* “Last time it was $2.75!”

    (She walks off to the counter to pay, and complains to the assistant manager.)

    Assistant Manager: “She says she’s coming in tomorrow to complain about you to Mike (the owner).”

    Me: “Oh, great…”

    (The next day…)

    Mike: “You made sure she wanted the Super Italian?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Mike: “And you made sure you checked that you added up the price right?”

    Me: “Yes… so what do you think?”

    Mike: “Psht, f**k her!”

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