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    The Only Thing Toasted Is His Mind

    , | Commerce Township, MI, USA |

    Customer: “I don’t want my sandwich toasted.”

    Me: “No problem, sir. We actually don’t have a toaster here, so you don’t have to worry.”

    Customer: “OH YES YOU DO! The last sandwich I got was toasted!”

    Me: “Um. Are you sure it was from this store?”

    Customer: “Yes. It was from this exact store, and it was toasted so bad I almost couldn’t eat it.”

    Me: “I’m not sure how that’s possible, sir. We honestly don’t have a toaster, and we never have.”

    Customer: “Oh, so now I don’t know what toasted bread looks like?”

    Me: “I–”

    Customer: “The top of my bread was brown. And do you know what makes bread brown?”

    Me: “The crust?”

    Customer: “A TOASTER!”

    (Seriously, no toaster. Ever. At all.)

    Random Acts of Specificity

    , | Fort Collins, CO, USA |

    Me: “What else do you want?”

    Customer: “Peppers.”

    Me: “Which kind?”

    Customer: “… Peppers.”

    Me: “We have three kinds of peppers not including salt and pepper. Which kind of these do you want?”

    Customer: “PEPPERS.”

    Me: “Do you want banana peppers, jalapeno peppers, or green peppers?”

    Customer: “PEP-PERS.”

    Me: “Do you want these?” *holds up the green peppers*

    Customer: “Yes, those! Jesus Christ, don’t you guys know what a green pepper is?!”

    We Have Confirmation

    , | Newington, CT, USA |

    (Our credit card machine went down, and we started to make signs for the doors alerting the customers to this. Before the signs were up, I had to ring up a customer’s order.)

    Me: “The total is ****. I’m sorry; our credit card machine is down.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t see any signs!”

    Me: “The machine just broke five minutes ago while you were still in line. I was just telling my coworker to make signs a moment ago….”

    Customer: “I don’t have enough cash. How about debit?”

    Me: “Well, debit would use the same machine as the credit cards, but either way our store does not accept debit. Just cash today.”

    Customer: “How about a check?”

    Me: “Sorry, no personal checks. Just cash today.”

    Customer: *getting upset now* “Well, what do you expect me to do?”

    Me: “The last customer went next door to use the ATM to get cash.”

    Customer: “You’re being extremely rude, you know!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m just trying to explain to you that the credit card machine is down.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t listen!”

    Me: “…”

    It Was Only A Suggestion

    , | Norcross, GA, USA |

    Me: “All right sir, here’s your meal.”

    Customer: “Thanks a lot!”

    Me: “Have a nice day.”

    Customer: *serious* “Don’t tell me what to do!”

    That’s A Talented Cow

    , | Elmira, NY, USA |

    Me: “What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a turkey sub. No. Ham. I’ll have a ham and cheese sub.”

    Me: “What kind of cheese would you like?”

    Customer: “Bologna.”

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