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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Ix Nay On The Eesh Squeesh

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA |

    Me: “Do you want anything else with your sandwich?”

    Customer: “Peppers, olives, and eesh squeesh.”

    Me: “…Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Peppers, olives, eesh squeesh.”

    Me: “Eesh squeesh? ”

    Customer: “Yeah, eesh squeesh. Right there.” *points at the onions*

    Me: “You mean onions?”

    Customer: “Yeah, eesh squeesh.”

    Now Made With Real Vegetarians

    , | Hull, UK |

    Customer: “There is no pasta in my pastarami sandwich, just some meat.”

    Me: “It’s Pastrami, peppered beef–not pastarami.”

    Customer: “Oh, can I change it please? I’m vegetarian.”

    Paging Dr. Cold Cut

    | Laramie, WY, USA |

    Me: “Would you like chips or a drink with your sandwich?”

    Customer: *surprised* “What?!”

    Me: “Would you like chips or a drink?”

    Customer: *shocked* “What did you say?”

    Me: *slowly* “I asked if you would like to have chips or a drink with your sandwich.”

    Customer: “OOOOOOH! I thought you asked if I would like to have surgery with my sub!”

    Finally, Mayonnaise That Burns Calories

    , | Rincon, GA, USA |

    (A lady comes into our sandwich shop and orders a sub. Everything is normal until…)

    Customer: “Could I get mayonnaise?”

    Me: “Sure”.

    (I put the mayonnaise on the sandwich.)

    Customer: *orgasm noise* “Mooooore.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Customer: *orgasm noise* “More mayonnaise!”

    (I honestly think a little bit of my spirit died that day.)

    Every Time A Bell Rings, A Crazy Customer Appears

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    (Our sandwich shop has a bell that hangs above the door to notify us when customers enter and exit. One day, a woman came into our shop, making the bell ring.)

    Customer: “Oh! What a nice bell!”

    Me: “Oh, thank you, ma’am! Welcome to ****.”

    (Instead of approaching me to make her order, the woman proceeds to open and close the door repeatedly, causing the bell to ring each time.)

    Me: “…um…”

    Customer: “This is so wonderful! Such a wonderful sound. I could do this all day!”

    Me: “Er, ma’am, would you like to order anything?”

    (By now, all of the other customers are staring at her. She suddenly stops.)

    Customer: “What? Oh, no, thank you! I was just leaving.” *exits*

    Me: “…really?”

    Manager: *from the back room* “Make sure we aren’t running out of stuff for all the people that just came in!”

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