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  • Talking At-At Cross Purposes
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    Paging Dr. Cold Cut

    | Laramie, WY, USA |

    Me: “Would you like chips or a drink with your sandwich?”

    Customer: *surprised* “What?!”

    Me: “Would you like chips or a drink?”

    Customer: *shocked* “What did you say?”

    Me: *slowly* “I asked if you would like to have chips or a drink with your sandwich.”

    Customer: “OOOOOOH! I thought you asked if I would like to have surgery with my sub!”

    Finally, Mayonnaise That Burns Calories

    , | Rincon, GA, USA |

    (A lady comes into our sandwich shop and orders a sub. Everything is normal until…)

    Customer: “Could I get mayonnaise?”

    Me: “Sure”.

    (I put the mayonnaise on the sandwich.)

    Customer: *orgasm noise* “Mooooore.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Customer: *orgasm noise* “More mayonnaise!”

    (I honestly think a little bit of my spirit died that day.)

    Every Time A Bell Rings, A Crazy Customer Appears

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    (Our sandwich shop has a bell that hangs above the door to notify us when customers enter and exit. One day, a woman came into our shop, making the bell ring.)

    Customer: “Oh! What a nice bell!”

    Me: “Oh, thank you, ma’am! Welcome to ****.”

    (Instead of approaching me to make her order, the woman proceeds to open and close the door repeatedly, causing the bell to ring each time.)

    Me: “…um…”

    Customer: “This is so wonderful! Such a wonderful sound. I could do this all day!”

    Me: “Er, ma’am, would you like to order anything?”

    (By now, all of the other customers are staring at her. She suddenly stops.)

    Customer: “What? Oh, no, thank you! I was just leaving.” *exits*

    Me: “…really?”

    Manager: *from the back room* “Make sure we aren’t running out of stuff for all the people that just came in!”

    Plastic, Scamtastic

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Three sandwiches.”

    Me: “Okay, what kind?”

    Customer: “Umm… what’s that kind?” *points at a sign behind me*

    (I turn around to see what he’s talking about. When I turn back around, I see the man taking off out the side door with our display sandwich.)

    Me: “Good luck eating your plastic sandwich!”

    One Scamwich, Coming Right Up

    | Texas, USA |

    Customer: “Yeah, we were in earlier and ordered 2 turkey sandwiches, a ham sandwich and a club sandwich, all a foot long. There were flies in them so I want you to give me a refund.”

    Manager: “There were flies in your sandwiches?”

    Customer: “Yes, it was gross. I want my money back!”

    Manager: “Well, where are the sandwiches? Why didn’t you bring them right back?”

    Customer: “I was already home by the time we opened them.”

    Manager: “Well, do you have your receipt?”

    Customer: “No! I just want my money back, there were flies in my sandwiches!”

    Manager: “Sir, I’m going to have to check and make sure there was an order that matches before I can see about a refund.”

    Customer: “…huh?” *long pause, then hurries out of the store*

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