July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

I Say Potato, You Say Something Obscene

| Port Clinton, OH, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer has ordered two beef subs.)

Me: “What veggies would you like on the first one?”

Customer: “Pickles, onions, tomatoes, and h*** penis.”

Me: “I’m sorry, pickles, onions, tomatoes, and what now?”

Customer: “H*** penis. And mustard.”

Me: “Okay. You said jalapenos, right?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Alright, then.”

(I put everything else on, then ask if I’ve missed anything.)

Customer: “The h*** penis.”

Me: “Jalapenos?”

Customer: “No.”

(I point at the jalapenos.)

Me: “These?”

Customer: “Yes! God! I only said it, like, three times!”

Have Mouth, Will Shovel

, | Kannapolis, NC, USA | Food & Drink

Me: “What can I get you today?”

Customer: “I’ll have the grinder.”

Me: “Okay, what would you like on it?”

Customer: “Whatever is on a grinder.”

Me: “Ma’am, a grinder is just another name for a sandwich–just like hoagie or sub. I need to know what you would like on it.”

Customer: “How should I know what’s on a grinder? The old place had a grinder. I ordered a grinder, and they gave me a grinder!”

Me: “So, you don’t know what kind of meat or cheese you would like?”

Customer: “Whatever is on a grinder! They made a grinder, and they put the right stuff on it! How would I know what I eat?!”

Our Sandwiches Are Canine Benign

| Brewer, ME, USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

Customer: “What is in your turkey melt?”

Me: “Turkey and cheese, and any veggies you like.”

Customer: “What other meats?”

Me: “Turkey.”

Customer: “And…”

Me: “Dog?”

(The customer still ordered the turkey melt, but watched very closely to make sure dog wasn’t part of the menu.)

Best Keep A Lid On Acts That Stupid

| Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

(A customer comes in, clearly inebriated, and orders a chili. We get it for him, he sits down but a couple of minutes later he comes back up to the counter.)

Customer: “I think my chili is still frozen.”

Me: “Are you sure? It should be quite hot.”

Customer: “I’ll show you.”

(He gets the chili and attempts to put his spoon in it.)

Me: “Sir, the lid is still on.”

One Scamwich, Coming Right Up, Part 2

| Ontario, Canada | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

(I’m supervising on a Sunday afternoon, our slowest day of the week. We’ve only been open a couple hours and have only made maybe 4 or 5 sandwiches. A customer calls in with a complaint.)

Caller: “Excuse me, I ordered a sandwich from you this morning and it is just terrible! You toasted it too much and it just fell apart when I bit into it!”

Me: “Well that’s odd, sir. If a sandwich was toasted too long it would normally burn long before it would dry out like that. What did you order?”

Caller: “Chicken.”

Me: “I can’t find your order in the system. Could you tell me what time you were here?”

Caller: “This morning sometime.”

Me: “We weren’t open this morning, sir. We open at noon on Sundays.”

Caller: “Well, maybe it was after noon then.”

Me: “Okay, well I’ve been here all day and I don’t recall serving a chicken sandwich to a gentleman today.”

Caller: “It was my wife who came in.”

Me: “I’m looking through today’s orders on the computer, and I haven’t served any chicken sandwich today. Are you sure you came to this location?”

Caller: “Yes. And it was last night. I talked to the manager and he said you’d give me a free sandwich today.”

Me: “I was the manager last night too, sir.”

Caller: “You’re not going to give me a free sandwich, are you?”

Me: “No, sir. I’m not.”

Caller: “Okay, then.” *hangs up*

Related:
One Scamwich, Coming Right Up

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