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  • His Attitude Speaks Volumes
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    Every Time A Bell Rings, A Crazy Customer Appears

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    (Our sandwich shop has a bell that hangs above the door to notify us when customers enter and exit. One day, a woman came into our shop, making the bell ring.)

    Customer: “Oh! What a nice bell!”

    Me: “Oh, thank you, ma’am! Welcome to ****.”

    (Instead of approaching me to make her order, the woman proceeds to open and close the door repeatedly, causing the bell to ring each time.)

    Me: “…um…”

    Customer: “This is so wonderful! Such a wonderful sound. I could do this all day!”

    Me: “Er, ma’am, would you like to order anything?”

    (By now, all of the other customers are staring at her. She suddenly stops.)

    Customer: “What? Oh, no, thank you! I was just leaving.” *exits*

    Me: “…really?”

    Manager: *from the back room* “Make sure we aren’t running out of stuff for all the people that just came in!”

    Plastic, Scamtastic

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Three sandwiches.”

    Me: “Okay, what kind?”

    Customer: “Umm… what’s that kind?” *points at a sign behind me*

    (I turn around to see what he’s talking about. When I turn back around, I see the man taking off out the side door with our display sandwich.)

    Me: “Good luck eating your plastic sandwich!”

    One Scamwich, Coming Right Up

    | Texas, USA |

    Customer: “Yeah, we were in earlier and ordered 2 turkey sandwiches, a ham sandwich and a club sandwich, all a foot long. There were flies in them so I want you to give me a refund.”

    Manager: “There were flies in your sandwiches?”

    Customer: “Yes, it was gross. I want my money back!”

    Manager: “Well, where are the sandwiches? Why didn’t you bring them right back?”

    Customer: “I was already home by the time we opened them.”

    Manager: “Well, do you have your receipt?”

    Customer: “No! I just want my money back, there were flies in my sandwiches!”

    Manager: “Sir, I’m going to have to check and make sure there was an order that matches before I can see about a refund.”

    Customer: “…huh?” *long pause, then hurries out of the store*

    The Only Thing Toasted Is His Mind

    , | Commerce Township, MI, USA |

    Customer: “I don’t want my sandwich toasted.”

    Me: “No problem, sir. We actually don’t have a toaster here, so you don’t have to worry.”

    Customer: “OH YES YOU DO! The last sandwich I got was toasted!”

    Me: “Um. Are you sure it was from this store?”

    Customer: “Yes. It was from this exact store, and it was toasted so bad I almost couldn’t eat it.”

    Me: “I’m not sure how that’s possible, sir. We honestly don’t have a toaster, and we never have.”

    Customer: “Oh, so now I don’t know what toasted bread looks like?”

    Me: “I–”

    Customer: “The top of my bread was brown. And do you know what makes bread brown?”

    Me: “The crust?”

    Customer: “A TOASTER!”

    (Seriously, no toaster. Ever. At all.)

    Random Acts of Specificity

    , | Fort Collins, CO, USA |

    Me: “What else do you want?”

    Customer: “Peppers.”

    Me: “Which kind?”

    Customer: “… Peppers.”

    Me: “We have three kinds of peppers not including salt and pepper. Which kind of these do you want?”

    Customer: “PEPPERS.”

    Me: “Do you want banana peppers, jalapeno peppers, or green peppers?”

    Customer: “PEP-PERS.”

    Me: “Do you want these?” *holds up the green peppers*

    Customer: “Yes, those! Jesus Christ, don’t you guys know what a green pepper is?!”


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