Half A Sandwich For Half A Brain

| Yorktown, IN, USA | Food & Drink

(I work in a sandwich shop where you can purchase a foot-long or six-inch sandwich. Two women walk into my shop.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Woman #1: “We want half a sandwich, each.”

Me: “Okay, I can help you with that today. What kind of bread would you like?”

Woman #2: “Wheat, but we only want half of it, each.”

Me: “That’s no problem. Six-inch sandwiches are very common. Now, what kind of–”

Woman #1: “No! We want half of that!”

Me: “Uh, okay, so you want three inches, each?”

(The women both look at each other and nod. I cut a six-inch piece and hold it up.)

Me: “Okay, just so we can clarify before I cut it, I’m cutting this piece in half and you want half of it, each. If you like, I can just charge you for one six-inch since you’re getting the same kind of sandwich.”

Woman #1: “Alright, that’s good. Thanks for the offer.”

(I start cutting the bread into three-inch pieces.)

Woman#1: “What are you doing?!”

Me: *startled* “Well, I’m giving you your three-inch sandwiches.”

Woman #2: “No! We wanted one of those each!” *points at the other half*

Me: “So, you each want a six-inch sandwich?”

Woman #2: “No! We want half a six-inch!”

Me: “Ma’am, our regular sandwich is twelve inches. The one you just pointed at is six-inches.”

Woman #1: “I don’t care for your measurements! Just give us what we want!”

Me: “You want a six-inch then.”

Woman #2: “No! We want half!”

(This goes on for about 10 more minutes. They end up getting a six-inch each and then demanding that I give them the deal I’d offered. In the end, they both paid full price, mumbling about my incompetence.)

I Say Potato, You Say Something Obscene

| Port Clinton, OH, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer has ordered two beef subs.)

Me: “What veggies would you like on the first one?”

Customer: “Pickles, onions, tomatoes, and h*** penis.”

Me: “I’m sorry, pickles, onions, tomatoes, and what now?”

Customer: “H*** penis. And mustard.”

Me: “Okay. You said jalapenos, right?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Alright, then.”

(I put everything else on, then ask if I’ve missed anything.)

Customer: “The h*** penis.”

Me: “Jalapenos?”

Customer: “No.”

(I point at the jalapenos.)

Me: “These?”

Customer: “Yes! God! I only said it, like, three times!”

Have Mouth, Will Shovel

, | Kannapolis, NC, USA | Food & Drink

Me: “What can I get you today?”

Customer: “I’ll have the grinder.”

Me: “Okay, what would you like on it?”

Customer: “Whatever is on a grinder.”

Me: “Ma’am, a grinder is just another name for a sandwich–just like hoagie or sub. I need to know what you would like on it.”

Customer: “How should I know what’s on a grinder? The old place had a grinder. I ordered a grinder, and they gave me a grinder!”

Me: “So, you don’t know what kind of meat or cheese you would like?”

Customer: “Whatever is on a grinder! They made a grinder, and they put the right stuff on it! How would I know what I eat?!”

Our Sandwiches Are Canine Benign

| Brewer, ME, USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

Customer: “What is in your turkey melt?”

Me: “Turkey and cheese, and any veggies you like.”

Customer: “What other meats?”

Me: “Turkey.”

Customer: “And…”

Me: “Dog?”

(The customer still ordered the turkey melt, but watched very closely to make sure dog wasn’t part of the menu.)

Best Keep A Lid On Acts That Stupid

| Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

(A customer comes in, clearly inebriated, and orders a chili. We get it for him, he sits down but a couple of minutes later he comes back up to the counter.)

Customer: “I think my chili is still frozen.”

Me: “Are you sure? It should be quite hot.”

Customer: “I’ll show you.”

(He gets the chili and attempts to put his spoon in it.)

Me: “Sir, the lid is still on.”

Page 10/17First...89101112...Last