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    Ordering Meatballs, Talking Baloney

    | Manchester, CT, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Hi, I would like a sandwich.”

    Me: “Sure, what sandwich would you like?”

    Customer: “I want a hot sandwich.”

    Me: “Okay, do you mean heated or spicy?”

    Customer: “Oh heated, I don’t like spicy. So I will have meatball.”

    Me: “Sure, would that be six-inch or foot-long?”

    Customer: “Uhm…whole please.”

    Me: “Okay, foot-long? What type of bread?”

    Customer: “White.”

    Me: “We don’t have white, but we have Italian.”

    Customer: “Fine, whatever. Oh, and I think my daughter wants a sandwich too.”

    Me: “What type of sandwich does she want?”

    Customer: “How am I supposed to know? She’s not here!”

    Ix Nay On The Eesh Squeesh

    | Fort Collins, CO, USA |

    Me: “Do you want anything else with your sandwich?”

    Customer: “Peppers, olives, and eesh squeesh.”

    Me: “…Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Peppers, olives, eesh squeesh.”

    Me: “Eesh squeesh? ”

    Customer: “Yeah, eesh squeesh. Right there.” *points at the onions*

    Me: “You mean onions?”

    Customer: “Yeah, eesh squeesh.”

    Now Made With Real Vegetarians

    , | Hull, UK |

    Customer: “There is no pasta in my pastarami sandwich, just some meat.”

    Me: “It’s Pastrami, peppered beef–not pastarami.”

    Customer: “Oh, can I change it please? I’m vegetarian.”

    Paging Dr. Cold Cut

    | Laramie, WY, USA |

    Me: “Would you like chips or a drink with your sandwich?”

    Customer: *surprised* “What?!”

    Me: “Would you like chips or a drink?”

    Customer: *shocked* “What did you say?”

    Me: *slowly* “I asked if you would like to have chips or a drink with your sandwich.”

    Customer: “OOOOOOH! I thought you asked if I would like to have surgery with my sub!”

    Finally, Mayonnaise That Burns Calories

    , | Rincon, GA, USA |

    (A lady comes into our sandwich shop and orders a sub. Everything is normal until…)

    Customer: “Could I get mayonnaise?”

    Me: “Sure”.

    (I put the mayonnaise on the sandwich.)

    Customer: *orgasm noise* “Mooooore.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Customer: *orgasm noise* “More mayonnaise!”

    (I honestly think a little bit of my spirit died that day.)

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