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    Taxing Taxing

    | MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money

    (Two customers come in close to closing and order three milkshakes. One of my employees makes them, they pay and leave. Five minutes later they come back in.)

    Customer #1: “These shakes all taste funny. We tried all three. They’re all sour. We would like our money refunded.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that. Give me just a moment.”

    (The card charges for the day don’t go through until we manually process them at the end of the night. Rather than giving them a refund for the charge amount, I find their exact order and comp off the shakes, making their order total $0.00 and removing their charge from having ever existed. I hand them a copy of the comped receipt.)

    Me: “Well, here you go. Sorry about the shakes. Have a good night.”

    Customer #1: “This is only for $8.70. We were charged $9.22.”

    Me: “It just says $8.70 because that’s the price for the shakes without tax, which was removed from the bill making the total bill zero. The tax isn’t displayed because no tax can be added to a total of zero.”

    Customer #2: “What, so I’m still being charged the tax!?”

    Me: “No… The total is zero. There is no charge being made at all to your card. The comp here says $8.70 because that is the original price for the shakes. ”

    Customer #2: “So you only refunded me $8.70, not $9.22.”

    Me: “The original price was removed entirely, making the total zero. As there is no total on your order now, there is no tax, so it’s not displayed. That’s just the way the receipt displays the information. The charge was reversed entirely. The total displayed is zero dollars and zero cents, which is the new total for your order.”

    (The customers, brows still furrowed, cautiously leave. Another moment later, customer #2 comes back in.)

    Customer #2: “Could I just have your name to reference in case of further incident?”

    Me: “Uh, sure, my name is [My Name].”

    (I include the incident in my end of the night communications to the next day’s managers in case anything comes up. I also work the next day, but am not the manager in charge. The next day, the manager comes to talk to me about mid-afternoon.)

    Manager: “Did you see your shake lady come in?”

    Me: “No. What? You mean the lady who thought I was charging her tax? From last night?”

    Manager: “Yeah, she actually came in! I had to explain to her that it wasn’t an actual refund but a reversal. She wasn’t getting it. I was like, it was a same day charge so we can just remove the charge from ever having happened rather than the hassle of doing a refund.”

    Me: “Yeah, I explained the same exact thing to her…”

    Manager: “She asked to speak to a manager, I should have gotten you!” *laughs*

    Me: “Oh, man, that would have been great. She drove all the way back up here over 52 cents.”

    Not So Sweet On The Sweet Chili

    | Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work at a popular sub shop that makes sandwiches in front of customers to their liking. I am serving a woman and everything is fine until we get to the last few steps.)

    Me: “And would you like any sauce on that?”

    Customer: “Just a little bit of sweet chilli, please.”

    (I put one thin line of sweet chilli sauce on her sub.)

    Customer: “No, that’s too much!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can wipe some off or remake your sandwich for you if you like.”

    Customer: “No! You should have listened to me to begin with! When I ask for a little bit, you don’t drown the thing in sauce! I have a f***ing stomach ulcer. That’s why I can’t have much! Just forget about it!”

    (The customer storms off, muttering about how stupid I am and how I ruined her sandwich. I turn to my coworker, who witnessed the entire ordeal.)

    Me: “If she has a stomach ulcer maybe she shouldn’t order it to begin with!”

    A Few Sandwiches Short Of A Picnic

    | Reno, NV, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (A lot of middle and high school students from all over the state are in town for an event. The shop is slammed, but we’re doing our best to move the line along quickly. The board behind me lists our 18 different cold sandwich options in huge letters. It also states the bread sizes: small, medium, and large.)

    Me: “Hello. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer #1: “Um… can I have a… medium sandwich?”

    Me: “Sure thing. What kind of sandwich would you like?”

    Customer #1: “Medium?”

    Me: *pointing at the board behind me* “Absolutely, what kind of meat and cheese would you like on your sandwich?”

    Customer #1: “Um… white bread?”

    Me: *grabbing a medium white roll* “Okay, and what kind of meat would you like? We have ham, turkey, roast beef…”

    Customer #1: *starting to look confused and angry* “Just a regular sandwich!”

    (The customer gestures at the sandwich belonging to the customer in front of him, which already has lettuce and tomato on it, obscuring the meats.)

    Customer #1: “Like that one!”

    Me: “Okay, so that one’s a ham, turkey, and provolone. Would you like that?”

    Customer #1: ” … ham.”

    Me: “Great! Any cheese?”

    Customer #1: “I just want a regular sandwich!”

    (I quickly make him a ham and American cheese sandwich, pass him to the next person working the line, and turn to my next customer.)

    Me: “Hello, miss! What can I get for you today?”

    Customer #2: “Can I have a… small sandwich?”

    Me: “Absolutely. What kind of meat and cheese?”

    Customer #2: (staring at the board) “Oh, I guess wheat bread?”

    (It was a long day.)

    Orders Can Not Be Made For Bread Alone

    | Quezon City, Philippines | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi. What can I get you today?”

    Customer: “Give me a six-inch parmesan oregano.”

    Me: “Certainly, and what would you like on that?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “You’ve told me what bread and size you want. You still need to tell me what filling you want for your sandwich.”

    Customer: “Just the parmesan oregano.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s a kind of bread. What meat or vegetables do you want me to put in it?”

    Customer: “Why are you making this difficult?! I just want a six-inch parmesan oregano sandwich!”

    Me: “Ma’am, let me make this clear: that is a kind of bread. It is a wheat loaf that has been prepared with parmesan cheese and oregano, the latter of which is an herb. However, there are no additional cheeses or herbs in it to fulfill the definition of ‘sandwich,’ and I have no idea whether we’re even allowed to sell just bread. Now, what filling would you like for your sandwich, which will be made using your chosen six-inch parmesan oregano loaf?”

    Customer: “… Oregano isn’t a kind of meat?”

    Common Sense Has Left The Ranch

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am working at a sandwich shop while in high school. I have just made a sandwich for a customer and gone into the back to grab a few things. The customer returns to the counter to talk to my coworker.)

    Customer: “This is totally unacceptable. I want a new sandwich made!”

    Coworker: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “My sandwich has ranch on it. I hate ranch!”

    Customer’s Boyfriend: “Yes, my girlfriend hates ranch dressing. She would never order a sandwich with ranch!”

    Customer: “You should really check with people before you start making their food, you know!”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry. Let me get another sandwich started for you. What kind did you order?”

    Customer: “Chicken bacon ranch. Oh, but no bacon!”

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