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    A Whole New State Of Understanding

    | PA, USA | Family & Kids, Geography

    (I’m currently having a conversation with a little girl, about kindergarten age, while I do her nails.)

    Little Girl: “You know, I’ve never been to the United States of America.”

    Me: “Wait, what?”

    Little Girl: “I’ve never been to the States. I wonder what it’s like there?”

    Me: “You live in the United States, hun.”

    Little Girl: “I do?”

    Me: “Yes! You sure do!”

    Little Girl: “Wow, I thought I lived in the city!”

    The Return: Uncut

    | Australia | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m getting my hair trimmed. Beside me is a four-year old boy, who’s just finishing his own haircut.)

    Boy: *scowling* “I don’t like my new haircut! Return it!”

    Mother: “… Return it?”

    Boy: “Yeah! You said that if I didn’t like my new haircut, that they could change it. Like when we changed my red shirt at [Clothing Store] for the green shirt! I want it back the way it was! Return it!”

    (Luckily my haircut was finished. I left while the mother was trying to explain to the increasingly unhappy little boy the difference between an exchange and a change, and why they couldn’t return his haircut.)

    An Irregular Appointment

    | UK | Crazy Requests, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a hair salon and take a phone call.)

    Me: “Hello. How may I help?”

    Customer: “I need an appointment with [Stylist] for a haircut.”

    Me: “Okay. When would you like to come in?”

    Customer: “Whenever works for [Stylist].”

    Me: “Okay. How about tomorrow at 3 pm?”

    Customer: “No. Can’t do that.”

    Me: “Friday at 10?”

    Customer: “No. Can’t do that.”

    (This goes on for a while.)

    Customer: “I can only do [specific date, a Saturday; our busiest time].”

    Me: “I’m afraid [Stylist] is fully booked that day. How about [Other Stylist]?”

    Customer: “I always see [Stylist].”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Customer: “They have nothing?”

    Me: “Sorry. They are fully booked.”

    Customer: “I have been seeing them for years.”

    Me: “Okay…”

    Customer: “Can you not move the other clients around?”

    Me: “Not really. How would you like if we moved you around for someone else?”

    Customer: “You wouldn’t do that. I’m a regular.”

    Me: “According to your record, you’ve been to see us three times. The clients booked in have been coming for the last six years.”

    Customer: *click*

    Got The Wrong (Hair) Extension

    | Australia | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

    (My salon has had the weeks before Christmas booked out since way back in March. In mid-November, I take a phone call.)

    Caller: “I need a booking to get extensions, a full head of foils, and a cut, for Saturday the 21st of December.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have anything for the entire month of December.”

    Caller: “Great. So how’s 10 in the morning?”

    Me: “I’m really sorry. We just don’t have any appointments in December. The next appointment for what you need is on January 30th.”

    Caller: “Listen you stupid little cow. I SAID, the 21st of December, at 10. Grab your little appointment book and book me in with [Name]. I swear, she’s the only competent one of the lot of you!”

    Me: “You do realise I’m [Name], right?”

    Profit And Hair Loss

    | MN, USA | Awesome Customers, Health & Body, Money

    (We’ve had trouble keeping business up, as our location is right next to a larger chain. On a particularly slow day, I’m confused when I see a young man come in with his entire head shaved nearly flat.)

    Customer: “Excuse me; you may not still have me on file. I was here about 14 months ago.”

    (I look him up.)

    Me: “Yeah, you’re still on file; how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t know what to do with my dad’s hairline. It was starting to look like a bad comb over, and you guys convinced me to shave everything.”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Customer: “Well, now that I have a razor and can do it myself, I realized that’s $14 a month you could be making. Can I just pay for a haircut, you don’t do anything, and you can just take the money?”

    (After blinking for a moment, I consult my manager, who clears the sale. The customer insists on full price.)

    Me: “Thanks, glad it worked out for you.”

    Customer: “Thanks a million. [Competitor] made it look like crap. I just felt bad, you know? You lose the rest of my sales because you actually know what the heck you’re doing.”

    (The customer even tipped well, which made our day. The other stylists and I were sharing the story all week.)

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