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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Twice The Prongs, Half The Brains

    | New Jersey, USA | Uncategorized

    (My dad used to work part time at a tool and garden supply store; this happened around the holidays.)

    My dad: “Hello, sir, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need and extension cord, but I need one with prongs on both ends.”

    My dad: “We don’t sell them. It’s very dangerous to have copper exposed at both ends.”

    Customer: “Well, I need one. Can’t you make me one?”

    My dad: “No I can’t, sir. It would be extreamly dangerous and unethical for me to make that for you. What do you need this for? Maybe I can help you find something else.”


    (My dad suddenly figures out why the guy needs a double pronged extension cord.)

    My dad: “Let me guess, you put the Christmas lights up backwards?”

    Customer: “Yeah…” *stomps off*

    Homework For Super Villainy 101

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: *on the phone* “Yeah, I found you guys on Google. I’m trying to find a laser gun that, you know, you can shoot a plane down with?”

    Me: “Um…we sell laser printer cartridges, not lasers…”

    Customer: “Oh…I guess I couldn’t really throw a cartridge that far at a plane, huh?”

    Me: “Uh…no?”

    This Quote Brought To You By The Number TWO

    | Burlington, Ontario, Canada | Top

    Customer: *on the phone* “I know you aren’t tech support, but I have an easy question.”

    Me: “Ok…”

    Customer: “How do you make the @ symbol…you know, for the email?”

    Me: “You hold the shift key and press 2.”

    Customer: “Won’t that just make a capital 2?”

    Me: “…”

    The Problem With Blank Checks, Part 2

    | Nebraska, USA | Uncategorized

    (I’m standing behind my counter when a man comes up to me with a prepaid phone and airtime card in his hand.)

    Me: “Can I help you sir?”

    Customer: “I wanna buy this.”

    (I usually make people tell me what they want before I just “hop to.”)

    Me: “That’ll be $63.55.”

    Customer: *sets check down in front of me* “Just fill that out for me.”

    Me: *thinking about writing a check for $20 over for a tip*

    The Problem With Blank Checks

    Maybe If I Just Dial Random Numbers

    | Suffolk, UK | Uncategorized

    Me: “Good morning, thank you for calling ***** Pet Insurance. My name is Barry, how can I help?”

    Customer: “I’m not happy!”

    Me: “And why is that?”

    Customer: “I don’t know the sort code for my bank account!”

    Me: “Okay…have you tried calling your bank?”

    Customer: “If I did that I’d end up talking to somebody in India! Can’t you just tell me?”

    Me: “Well, I sell pet insurance, so unfortunately, I don’t have that kind of information. I only have information on how much it will cost to insure a cat or a dog. I guess you could find it if you went to your bank’s website.”

    Customer: “Oh great! Could you do that for me?”

    Me: *sigh*

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